Hi All,
I'd say i've been a problem gambler for some time now and although I would say I have been 'on the wagon' over the years I have spectaculary fallen off it as well!
A few weeks ago i have had a wake up call which made me realise I need to take ownership of my problem and seriously ask myself who I want to be! My fiance demanded my bank statements from me and having considered avenues of lying I eventually came clean. This discovery shattered her dreams of us and what we were as a couple. Sadly she cannot forgive me and have ended the relationship, I found myself in a downward spiral gambling more erratically then ever before (the irony isnt lost that the one thing that destroyed my relationship is the one thing I went straight back to doing). Like others i'm sure when you are gambling, for me it is blackjack, you can immese yourself in the moment and bury your head in the sand. For what has been a hazy few weeks of trying to get my head straight I find writing this now I do feel the most clarity I have had for a long time. I suppose what I am trying to say is I needed to hit that rock bottom - for me loosing the person I love and and loosing their trust.
Although a story im sure many can relate to I have been thinking about why did i want to be so self-destructive? Why did i gamble in the first place, i'm fortunate enough to have a good job, family, friends and a partner who I was looking forward to my future with. Is it simply a genetic make-up or was it that sub-conciously there is something I'm unhappy with?
It is time to grow up and accept responsiblity for my actions and begin to live!
All the best to those on here dealing with their issues and I hope you can overcome them.
It's a state of mind.
If you want your fiancee back, exclude from everything and everywhere, get evidence of this and go back on bended knee and ask for another chance.
I wish you strength and courage at this time.
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