THE URGE TO CHASE LOSSES AND OTHER THOUGHTS

Ah MrStop you've hit the nail on the head there. I agree 100%.

I haven't been on this forum for years but tonight I felt the need because I got an email from a famous gambling company that sounds like Billiam Kill. b******s!!! Despite me having self-excluded from them back on 08, apparently the self-exclusion only lasts 5 years, so they kindly sent me an email to "welcome me back with a free £10 bet". (I could rage for hours about how this is disgusting, but A) Gamcare is owned by the gambling companies so my thread would probably be deleted, and B) I take ownership of my own weakness - noone forced me to put my new credit card details back in, I wasn't hypnotized or too thick to realise what I was doing, etc.

But unbelievably my tenner bet on Newcastle/Southampton WON! But did I celebrate? No, because it was a "free bet" so I couldn't withdraw it. So, I went on Roulette... You can guess the rest. And then times it by x20.

But it's my fault. I'm not "addicted", I'm just a greedy and weak man who keeps getting tricked.

Hi Johnson,

Those emails with the free bets are real "teasers"

Like a lot of us I've had them. I tend to use only one firm now and if either I've been skint or been in one of those rare patches when I've abstained for a while.they send the email. I read it and sometimes mull it over for a while. Sooner rather than later I visit the site and use up the fiver or tenner. Win or lose with the "teaser" I'm on the site and seen all the juicy betting possibilities and that's it, another bet funded by me follows .......................

Do you know what ? I am so greedy and it is greed, instead of investing in gambling site blocking stuff. I continue to bet. Even when I "win" and should use some to buy software and move the rest to the safety of my bank account. Do I ? No I do not.

Many times over the last year I've thought of buying the software but the urge to bet and waste hard gotten money has overcome me. Shocking really.

I have excluded myself from a lot of sites but hey ho I left the one I visit open. Even if I shut that one down it's so easy to find another "haven" online

I've joined the 2015 challenge on this forum in the hope that will keep me away from temptation. .

I feel for your pain brother. And I mean that. I'm exactly the same - I don't buy into this "oh it's an addiction, it's not my fault, I need to accept that the great god gamblore has power over me and I'm powerless". - Maybe that's true for some people, Maybe. But for me, I know what I'm doing each time i place that bet - I'm hoping I win and win big, to feel clever, to feel rich, to get that buzz.

I think it was Paul Newman in Color of Money who said "Money won is twice as sweet as money earned". Ain't that the truth!!!

But I always seem to lose when I switch to casino games. Poker or Sports demand a certain (very small) amount of skill, and I'm usually alright with that. Even over time I'm probably about even on my loses, but when it comes to casino games - lose lose lose. So I don't see why I should abstain totally. But maybe I'm just kidding myself. Perhaps I'm just like an alcoholic who says I can drink a couple of beers once a week but if someone gives me a bottle of whiskey I'll drink the whole mother in three gulps!

Either way, I'm just rambling on because I feel very dark on myself right now. I don't want to drag you into my Sarlac pit. Good luck with your choices. And whatever they may be - stand by them, own them. Don't come moaning if they were wrong or didn't work out, just the same as don't come crowing and belittling if they were right.

Johnson x

Hi again Johnson,

I meant to mention this in my previous response but didn't. Maybe you are quite strong in other areas of your life. No one is a total fortress. You see in other area of my life I've had to be very strong over the last year and that left me wide open thus triggering the gambling urge again. In my case I recognise the trigger but eradicating the urge is an absolute swine. Don't be so hard on yourself. It is a difficult situation to be in.

Cheers

I could enter a bookies and I could win big, but the only way I get out with any money on me is if I last till closing time. As its then too late to do much shopping I may treat myself in the 24 hour Tesco and plan to pay off some debts and treat myself the following day. The following day I wake and I don't want to pay debts or shop, I want to win more, I go back to the bookies and I blow all the hundreds or thousands I had won the day before. I go home a broken man, I'm telling myself I won't ever gamble again. But then I hit the next stage where all I want to do is get a large amount of money together to go and get back what I've lost. The bigger the wins the larger amounts I want to bet. The cycle goes on and on, we can never win because we can't quit when we are ahead. The only way to break the cycle is to use all the help you can get and make that choice not to place that first bet of the day. Theres loads of help on here and its helped me get myself in a good place following a major slip 48 days ago!

Surely it's all about escapism - emotional escapism: Gambling, booze, drugs, one-night stands, hell even eating a whole massive pizza.

You are totally correct I reckon - it's all about realising our triggers and being self-aware. Not easy of course, But an unexamined life isn't worth much. I think gamblers on the whole are usually overly sensitive and overly intelligent so we are all in a good position to start.

Best, J

Bornagain wrote:

I could enter a bookies and I could win big, but the only way I get out with any money on me is if I last till closing time. As its then too late to do much shopping I may treat myself in the 24 hour Tesco and plan to pay off some debts and treat myself the following day. The following day I wake and I don't want to pay debts or shop, I want to win more, I go back to the bookies and I blow all the hundreds or thousands I had won the day before. I go home a broken man, I'm telling myself I won't ever gamble again. But then I hit the next stage where all I want to do is get a large amount of money together to go and get back what I've lost. The bigger the wins the larger amounts I want to bet. The cycle goes on and on, we can never win because we can't quit when we are ahead. The only way to break the cycle is to use all the help you can get and make that choice not to place that first bet of the day. Theres loads of help on here and its helped me get myself in a good place following a major slip 48 days ago!

This sums it up for me, i am a compulsive gambler who, if i win and that is a big if, will keep going back for more until i am in not only in financial meltdown but pyschologial meltdown as well.

For me, the psychological repercussions of gambling are as big as the financial repercussions and vice versa.

It's just not worth it, although telling myself that when i am gambling doesn't work and all the memories of how bad it is when i gamble get completely squeezed out until i lose every penny i have when they then come back in floods.

Pabby,

I'm new to this forum. I've been caught up in the vicious circle on and off for years and as Bornagain says "we can't quit when we are ahead". Thus on and on it goes. I gamble online on horses and football mainly. Very rarely do I use betting shops, it's so "easy" and convenient online and can be a secret activity. That's the crux of it really for me. In the old days it was harder to get to the betting shops what with work and one thing and another. When telephone credit betting was in vogue they'd only let me have a couple of hundred quid limit. I could do a lot of damage sure but the world's changed now and for a lot of people slots in shops and online facilities are endless. You can really do your "brains" in super quick time. I'd already excluded myself from the main online bookmakers and excluded from the one remaining one I left upen last night (after a really bad day re losses yesterday). I daren't use local high street bookmakers near me because if anyone saw me and grassed me up to my wife, she'd cut my b*lls off ! It's caused ructions in our house in years gone by. I could write a book full of lies and excuses, some of them really inventive. There's a lot of guilt for me attched to the art of deceit and it does get to me. I've taken up the 2015 challenge on here and I'll see what happens when my next payday comes around in about 10 days. Whilst I'm relatively skint and no access at all to funds I obviously cannot bet. When the money goes in, will I be able to resist ? Or, will I find some far flung betting office to visit. I hope resistance will be the order of the day. However, as they say the proof of the pudding is in the eating. I will continue to visit the forum and It maybe that face to face counselling could be for me. I'm minded to take that route. Maybe counselling maybe the way forward for you Pabby ? It's just a suggestion to try and break the cycle.

Cheers

Pabby, I see you are involved with the 2015 challenge as well. I think that will be a great help to me. I know it is for others as well.

Cheers again

Hi MrStop, just dropping by to offer my support & give you a kick up the b*m! Get that blocking software you fool, you are here because you want help but the 1st place to start is by helping yourself! I appreciate your Time-Money-Location triangle is broken for the time being but you know that willpower is not enough alone to conquer this! There is plenty of advice on here with regards to blockers, (K9 is free I believe) so take it...If you continue to leave a door open, you are not ready to quit & sadly, quitting is the only way to beat this! Being in recovery doesn't stop the guilt of what you did/became but it removes the daily anxiety of what lies have been told & possibly in your case, the fear of being found out!

Keep choosing 'No' - ODAAT

Many Thanks ODAAT.

I appreciate the wisdom within your response.

I've put K9 in place.

Many Thanks

Hi MrStop.

Why not have a plan ready for next pay day rather than "seeing what happens" as that sounds like a pretty weak idea to me. What are you going to do with the money? I have a feeling you already have it lined up for that "far flung bookies". Hope I am wrong. There is a lot of help here but none of it counts if you can't help yourself.

love the honesty and its the first time ive read posts from MrStop and Johnson

Look Mrstop im in position to give advice but please plan your pay day.

Thanks for your responses. I know part of my post did sound weak. There is a plan in the respect that a big chunk of my money will be handed over to my other half to cover bills. I will make sure she comes to the ATM with me while we're out so it's handed over to her. I wouldn't dare do any other. Where my problem lies is with the amount I'm left with after this. I need to cover direct debits, standing orders etc and there wont be much left then. I'll just have enough left to pay my share of food, buy petrol etc. That's where temptation lurks for me. Now, I know I can't bet online now and I can't visit local bookmakers. It will depend on my mood on the day. If I'm depressed I'll maybe want to get in the car later on and go somewhere to bet. I think I'll be able to resist. If the urge to bet does become irresistable I plan to come to this site and contact an agent online to discuss. I also have involved myself with the 2015 challenge so there is encouragement for me in that respect. At present I do have a small amount of money in the kitty for essentials to get me through to payday. It should be quite a bit more but for my online gambling madness recently. I did get a thought in my head a few minutes ago about how good it felt when I won a few hundred quid last summer (of course it was given back to them). I managed to reason with myself that it would not be a good idea to try and replicate that feeling with a visit to the betting shop in the near future. I know how it will end up. I'll end up having to sell something I don't want to sell to cover the losses and I'll feel even more c**P. Most things of any value of mine have been sold to cover previous gambling debacles. When relatives have said where's this item or where's that item you had. I've come up with some right stories. It's awful. I've even lied to my old dad about the whereabouts of a present he once bought me. It makes me feel sick. That's what the downside to gambling does to a person.

That blocking software has come in handy, otherwise I might have tried to visit a site listing runners and riders and worse still, one offering early odds on the same. It's a blessing I don't have one of those posh phones so I can't go down that route either to bet. I am trying to feel and sound confident in this post that my urges can be resisted but it will be very much one day at a time for me.

Just to finish off, I feel that to read the posts on this forum is beneficial because you don't feel so alone with this horrible problem.

Cheers