Hello,
Here comes a absolutely ridiculous story that I'm looking for a bit of support and.. I guess just to get it off my chest.
My names T.... I'm 36 and M.
My gambling story started when I was 17 and was hooked to the slot machines where I would spend a majority of a drunken night out.
It became worse when I went to university at the age of 18, me and my flat mates would devise a plan which saw us visit the local casino with £20 and place it on red or black on roulette. Either way, it was 1 spin and walk away.
If we won, it was happy days and a fantastic student night out. If we lost.... It was Home time and play video games in our flat. Either way, it was a win win.
This continued for a few weeks, and then when I joined one of the sports team a 3rd year known gambler convinced me to come to the casino after a very messy night.....
This was the start of a roller coaster journey for the next 3 years at University.
Whilst there....
- I spent my student loan within in 2 hours of it hitting my bank account.... 6 times..... Yes 6 times.
- I managed to survive on hardship funds and grants.
Yup, full blown on gambling addict whilst at university, it ruined my studies and I came out of uni without a degree after 4 years.
I then left uni with my recent ex partner and started my own business where I was semi successfull and managed to buy a house with my partner and start our own family.
The gambling stopped for around 2 years as I had decent money, a house and good support.
I was permanently excluded and was unable to gamble. I then went searching for ways around it and found that I could use anyone's details as long as I knew them..... Even using my own debit card.
I then won then I lost it all in a week.
Back into gambling and ran up around 25k of debt behind my partners back.... Twice I have entered into insolvency without her knowing...... I signed the house over to my partner and she thought it was purely because of us getting a better mortgage rate... Nope, if was because I was insolvent.
3 years ago, after covid I lost my business, I had a ex family member who caused significant truama in my life contact me, I also found out I was going to be a father. Stupidity hit me hard, I then commited financially infidelity and ran up around 20k of credit card debt behind my partners back... I somehow hid this from her for 3 years, once she caught onto this, I still did not come clean as I was so embarrassed to have done this.
And more recently, she found everything out...... It was all me.....
She asked me to get out of the house and hand the keys back..... I just stood up and walked out...
I am now homeless.
I now have no access to my daughter.
I have lost everything I ever had in my life.
I managed to hide a severe gambling addiction from my partner for 14 years....
And now it's absolutely ruined both of our lives, with myself being homeless and without access to my daughter.
I can't believe how I've ended up in this position. What a crazy addiction this is.
Here are some additional things to add .
- I've now admitted responsibility for all of the debts and contacted the companies to say I fraudulently took these out...
-I'm desperatly trying to put my ex partner back in a position where she was before me taking these debts out in her name.
- I have severe combined ADHD. Take what you want of this, but it's known to be a bad mix with gambling.
- We have over 250k equity in the home I've been forced out of.
- My ex partner refuses to listen to my reasoning, as far as she sees it I've done this on purpose and with evil intentions. She won't listen that Ive clearly got issues.
-I'm seeking extensive therapy from mental health teams and my GP.
- I have numerous times tried support from gamcare and none have ever been successfull.... Not saying I won't try again. But my disability means anything other than intensive 1:1 won't work.
- Yes, I have tried to end my life numerous times.
I would love some support and similar stories where there is a happy ending....
I massively miss my daughter, and desperately want my ex partner to show some compassion or understanding and eventually forgive me. I do not see us being back together, that's not what I want.
Thank you
Hello MermaidHope,
Thank you for sharing your reflections and experiences here on our GamCare Forum.
It seems that you have reflected a lot on your recovery and gambling. We encourage you to continue this reflection and build on working a strong foundation for yourself on your recovery journey.
You have mentioned that you have tried to end life previously, however you seem to currently be accessing support from health organisations and professionals. I am pleased to see that you have chosen to this and are working towards healing.
You also mentioned about being homeless – I am wondering if you have any support for this right now? Do you have any family or friends you can seek support from? We would also recommend you speak to your local council who can help you with this. There’s also amazing organisations such as Shelter who can also support you through this. Please do get in touch with them here: https://england.shelter.org.uk/
We are here to support you along the way and you can always contact us through to our helpline to speak to one of our advisers for debrief or if you want to access more of a 1 to 1 support through GamCare. The space hopefully will also provide you a space to talk to someone about your journey - space to go through this together with someone. Our helpline is open 24/7 and you can contact us via call on 0808 8020 133 or go through our website and chat to someone.
If you wish to access more peer to peer support then please do join our chatrooms too where you can connect with others going through a similar journey to yourself here: https://community.gamcare.org.uk/chatrooms/ .
Best wishes,
Brielle
Generally you cant go from " worlds biggest mess " to "happy ending" without one hell of a recovery inbetween
This could take several years sounding by your post there is a hell lot of work to be done
Accountability is a gamblers worst nightmare its the day of reckoning where everything has fallen to s**t and theres no lies or deceit avenues left to go down
To put it simply you have made decisions now it is time to deal with the consequences
Attempting suicide is not dealing with them its an extreme form of trying to escape your situation and your daughter does not deserve to grow up without a father
take responsibility
mermaidhope
First of all well done for reaching out. Everyone here has experiences of a variety of messes historically and/or currently. You are in good company, company that will also hold you accountable which is what is needed.
My advice to you would be to lean on as much therapy/support/meetings as possible even if it isn’t your thing. I understand your reluctance but ultimately group settings can be very advantageous in releasing some guilt and meeting people who understand you. I have found these to be hugely beneficial.
Right now maybe your rock bottom but the positive in that is the only way is up! Don’t worry about how your wife feels, that is not in your control. After ignoring/concealing your addiction now is the time to start combatting it one day at a time. This willl not be easy but it wil be worth it. Now is the time to focus on getting yourself in recovery so you can become the person you and your daughter deserve you to be.
I would recommend the online chat rooms here too. Very helpful when new on recovery to be attending them as often as possible .
power to you and your new journey.
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