This should be the best time of my life but I'm miserable

Dear Melonzzz

Well done for writing on the forum and getting your thoughts at of your system. I was sorry to read about your struggles.

You are not alone. Many people on here have felt that desperation that you do and will support you.You have done well to recognise you have a problem now. You have many good years ahead of you and you don’t want to be like some of us old timers who have gambled on and off for years.

One thing for sure is that gambling won’t make you feel better. It is just what you have done to escape the pain you are feeling. It is a short term way out but you know it will only make you feel worse. Why not today try not to gamble? Speak to Gamcare and get some help and start working towards a better life. You can do it. Pehaps going back to study or looking for more hours at work or even doing some voluntary work ? Any of these is better than gambling. Phone Gamcare and just for today don’t gamble. Accept that it doesn’t help and believe you are better than that which you are. Keep writing, people on here will support you.

Bless you, go and find some freinds, think about starting a course of some kind (there you will make freinds). You have your whole life ahead of you, wish I was your age. You are an intelligent young person, use it. Good luck

Massive respect to you Melonzzz for coming on the forum.

I would say this. You can't solve all of your problems today, this month or even in the next year.

But you can stop gambling today.

Read you own post again, particularly "It ruined my college work and it’s ruining my actual work".

You are not getting "20 minutes of happiness" from gambling, you are getting 20 minutes of sedation, where you can forget about your problems & focus on gambling.

You won't improve anything unless you stop.

I strongly urge that you get yourself to a gamblers anonymous meeting as soon as possible.

HI melonzzz,

Like K2 said, I would also urge you to look up your nearest GA meeting and start attending, most compulsive gamblers have to start or begin to build their lives back up so you will hear a lot of familiar stories. When you read the litrature you will see a lot of familiar traits to what you are now experiencing. The important thing to note is that you can get through this adn you can create a good life for yourself going forward.

Negativity is one of the main ingredients in the mindset of a compulsive gambler. Im c**P, my life is c**P, everything I do is c**P etc etc. I used to be like this also, it stressed me out and wore me down, but when I was gambling I felt good, these negative thoughts did not leave, but I did not focus on them when I was gambling, it was a perfect escape or so it seemed. Fair enough your life me not be ideal at the moment but you are young and if you are focussed you can build a great life for yourself.

Positve thinking is whats needed, you have a job (plenty dont) however good it is you are in the market. I was c**P at school had sod all going for me well into my late 20s but went back and studied at night to get more skills and now I have a decent job and a family of my own. Best thing is to break things down into smaller tasks, so if you say "I hate my job" "I have no qulaifications" "I will never get a good job" you never will get those things. However if you have a look at the job market, see what jobs out there that are in demand and are of interest to you. WHat are the employers looking for skills wise? Is there any courses out there where you could get these skills? For example I was working in a job I did not like, but I bought a online cource on Udemy site to get the skills I needed to be a for jobs I wanted to apply for. It took a while and I had to start low down, but the point is it can be done. I had to do it in smaller steps but I did it, I wish I did it when i was 19 thats for sure but no point in worrying about that now.

You too can turn things around, I know it does not help having support from family etc but you can attend your nearest GA group and get support there. You can do all this and more but only if you want to. None of it is easy and there are no quick fixes, but if you are focussed and gamble free you can do this.

Keep posting here to let us know how you are getting on. Good luck

Hi melonzzz

when you are in the depths of despair and at your lowest , it’s hard to imagine or believe that anything can change. It can, I swear it can. This probably won’t happen overnight but do not give up hope and let yourself believe nothing is going to change. It sounds like you are so lonely and lost right now and the only sense of anything even a tiny bit bright is when you gamble. That makes perfect sense, the dopamine in your brain when you are gambling gives you a feel good, also there’s that dream of the big win that can sort out the money problems. On top of that, I am guessing (like for so many) that time is an escape and a way to forget your real life worries for a while. You know that they come back a million fold when you’re even more skint and feeling bad about yourself though. It’s a vicious trap but the cycle can be broken. You said in your post you need to know someone cares- I care. You are so young and don’t let this S****y moment in time make you believe that it’s going to stay like this forever. As others have said, find away to share this face to face with someone. You could go to the GP and get a referral for some therapy or use Gamcare. I would say whatever it takes, get that support as soon as you can. It will help release some of that burden just to open up to someone, cry with someone, be angry with someone. I’ve worked with loads of young people who believe they have no future and no prospects and that nobody cares. I’ve seen so many come through this and you can too! You will get through this but probably not alone, we all need some help from time to time- I certainly have over the years. This can get better. We are human beings, we make mistakes and get stuck in life sometimes. One good thing is that we can change things too if we work hard and get the right help. You are so brave coming on here pouring your heart out. People are here to listen without judgment. Keep posting, keep fighting and keep holding on - Tracy

Ps you said your biggest fear is the bank demanding all the money at once. They won’t do that honestly, I think banks are much more clued up on mental health and addictions etc- I had to tell a complete stranger on the phone to the bank that I was in such a mess through gambling (I was basically begging them to stop my charges and set up a plan). They were lovely so don’t think that you have no way out. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom and then see what it is we really want.

Hi melonzzz

Got 40 years of gambling on my C V and couldnt be bothered with life let alone gambling. Wisest head on here is K2 read it again and again take his advice and act quickly. Otherwise there aint no happy endings.

Stay Strong

AL

Hey melonzzz.

You sound like you are in the exact same position I was 65 odd days ago. My betting habits were exactly the same as yours. Not massive deposits. Not massive bets. But little and often and it's enough to put you in a very dangerous position.

I would also stay up till god knows when betting on mainly tennis and watching that little virtual ball go back and forth.

What changed for me? 1) coming clean to my wife. You need to tell someone be it a partner, family member or friend. It was a massive weight lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't hiding bank statements or my phone any more. Everything was out in the open. There was tears and anger sure, and sometimes there still is but it's just a consequence of what I've done.
2) sign up to gamstop. Now I'm self excluded from all online bookies I don't have that option to gamble.
3) spend as much time documenting thoughts and reading other stories on the forum.

I wish you the best of luck in your recovery.

RA

Hi,

I feel so bad for you my friend. I remember being in exactly the same place when I was your age. A couple of years ago my hours were cut and I couldn't pay my rent and ended up homeless. Believe me, things can and will get a lot worse for you unless you take action immediately. What I and every person on this website can tell you with certainty is you cannot make money through gambling. You may feel that you are unlucky or cursed? No, you're just like 99% of gamblers who end up losing almost everytime. First thing when you get your money should be food. I buy a £100 giftcard at Sainsburys every month when i get my money. That means that if I end up blowing my money, at least I'll eat. Accepting that gambling is causing damage to your life is the first place to start. Gambling is a buzz I get that, it's an escape from your problems for a few hours, but this coping strategy will make you miserable and depressed. Well done for coming on here and seeking help at such a young age, you're clearly not stupid. You can self-excude from the bookmakers, it's embarrasing but the staff understand because most of them are problem gamblers themself. You can get the Monzo bank card that refuses gambling transactions and you can set a daily limit so If you do gamble, you can only lose so much. Then for your smartphone there is Gamblock so you can't gamble.

You sound depressed to me, you need to seek out new ways of coping with the unhappiness in your life. The doctors could put you on a course of CBT. It helped me.

My friend, what i can tell you is that you are not alone. You can turn your life around, seek help, talk to people. Be positive, be pro-active. If you feel lost, talk to the Samaritans, they are trained to help. Don't suffer on your own.

Stuart