Hey everyone! I have been a gambling addict for many years and like so many on here it has completely ruined my life in all aspects including work, relationships, my personality, character and mentality, and of course money. I am now 32 and have had a real gambling problem since 18. I remember when I started gambling getting excited and feeling happy if I won just a couple of hundred quid. I remember being able to withdraw my winnings and did this many times. Despite my income not significantly increasing, I now struggle to withdraw winnings even if it's over a £1000. Even if I do withdraw I son cancel the withdrawal and end up losing it all!
My whole 20s was ruined due to gambling. I am now in a better position in that my debts are constantly decreasing each month due to being on a debt management plan. I am also finally gambling a lot less than I use to. However, I still struggle with my mentality and personality on a day to day basis due to various reasons. I struggle with the fact that not only have I completely ruined my whole youth due to gambling, I feel like I have no hope of turning my life around and moving forward. I feel like my reputation has been shattered and don't know how to change this. I feel like my options are far less now I'm in my 30s and I still have debts to pay. I want a new career and new relationship, possibly with kids etc but feel like I should have done this in my 20s but wasn't able to due to gambling and everything that goes with it including debts. I just want to be happy again and not constantly be worrying about debts ect! Gambling addiction caused me to lose contact with all my friends and was unable to sustain any relationships. Due to this my reputation has been shattered and confidence ruined. I really don't know how to turn this around.
I have now been on a Debt management plan for over 2 years and my debts have significantly decreased. I can finally see a small light at the end of a very dark and long tunnel. I still have a long way to go, especially in my attitude and personality and rebuilding my confidence. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself but it's so so hard. I mentioned that I'm now gambling a lot less than I use to, However, like so many other addicts I am prone to a relapse. Time and time again I still find myself making the same mistakes in that I'll win a significant amount, and in a moment of madness I'll then lose it all. I will then get angry and upset with myself and try to win it back to remove these feelings. Inevitably this doesn't work and I'll end up losing more money which should go towards expenses like food etc. These instances are less frequent than in the past and unlike in my 20s, I am thankfully unable to take on more debt. Also, my DMP payment gets taken from me every payday and so I cannot gamble with this. I should be debt free by the time I'm 34. I really hope that an awful part of my life is coming to an end and that I will be able to move forward. It won't be easy however. I hope to be settled in a happy relationship, debt free and with better career opportunities by the time I'm 36. I'm determined to keep this debt management plan a success.
Thanks for reading.
That gambling can bite you when you least suspect. Each to his own. Great that you have made some progress. I'm happy for you. Good luck and if you can , I'd suggest haulting the betting but ...perhaps there are humans who can moderate even after being a compulsive gambler. I have heard the saying , once a cucumber becomes a pickle it can not be a cucumber again. for me? I've had dreams of being able to gamble and not have it escalate. Those dreams have been lived out as relapse and always got worse. This is my personal experience and I've heard so many others say the same. I have also heard some stories like yours but I don't really know if it works in the end to keep on gambling but to a lesser degree. ??? I'm not playing with fire anymore. tara2
Hi sfc
Mate you say that because of your gambling addiction you have lost mates and ruined your reputation. An all too familiar scenario to many of us reading, I’m sure. You then go on to say that you don’t know how to turn this around.
I’m sure that one suggestion is jumping off the page to some folk.
Stop gambling. I know it is a lot easier said than done, and I know the hopeless feeling you describe.
It must seem impossible to you. But believe me, through my own experiences I can tell you that YOU can change. You’ve lost your youth and your twenties to gambling? Me too, and my entire 30s and 40s.
It’s harder to accept that you can change, than it is to cut down on gambling a bit. Well it was for me.
Imagine this scenario.43 years old 5 prison sentences so far in my life, another one looming, homeless on the streets of London. Not a penny to my name.
I felt pretty hopeless I can tell you. Who would employ somebody like that? Or give accommodation to such a person?
That is how desperate I was, it was 2009. I didn’t care if I lived or died.
I thought I was doomed forever to this life of desperation brought about by one thing. Gambling.
Think about this sensibly mate. Why are you still gambling? What is the worst thing that could happen if you don’t get your fix? Yes, you could miss a big win, or even a winning streak. Whoopee do, what good is that going to do you? You’ve had wins before and all you’ve got to show for it is a DMP, and this hopeless feeling you describe, feeling like its impossible.
Like me, you are a compulsive gambler, like me the only way your life is going to turn around is by you stopping gambling completely. I am yet to meet a GG who has been able to gamble willy-nilly now and again, take it or leave it.
I’ve met a few who reckon they can, I’ve normally met these people in jail or on the streets.
I don’t know what goes on for you mate but I know for me until I truly accepted that I was powerless over gambling, and that my life had become unmanageable because of it I could not stop completely.
These aren’t just mumbo jumbo ramblings there is a great deal of truth in it mate.
It’s the first step of the twelve-step programme also. I don’t follow the steps, but I think I’ve incorporated them all into my life over the years.
Whereas gambling used to be the “norm” for me. Not gambling is now.
I would have thought it impossible once upon a time.
Recovery sfc, shouldn’t really be about cutting down, it shouldn’t be about learning to fight urges, it should be about learning to live without getting them. Well that’s what I believe, and that’s what I do.
You must learn to accept. Accept the money is gone. Accept your mates have deserted you because of gambling. Accept you can change, because you can. Above all try and accept you are powerless over gambling. Don’t wait until you’re in your 50s like me.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
Learn to say no.
I know I’m powerless over gambling, but only once I place my next bet.
Today I’m in charge, gambling is powerless against me, my life is manageable.
I don’t know if I’ve got the winning formula to get me through the rest of my life gamble free. But I know that just for today I have and that’s good enough for me.
Whatever you decide to do mate, I hope that you keep posting.
Since I was in that desperate situation in 2009 my life has changed dramatically. I went to GMA rehab, once I left there I took a voluntary job. Which lead to proper employment. I got made redundant in 2012 but was only out of work a matter of months. I’d love to say I’d never gambled since. Ive had two very good jobs since though.
Now I havn’t gambled in anyway shape or form for over a year. More importantly, I think, I don’t want to.
If you find that you just can’t stop, I wonder if you’d consider a residential treatment place?
Like all support, it is no miracle cure. But what it done for me was give me the belief that I could learn to say no, and that I didn’t need to gamble. Well let’s be honest nobody needs to.
However, we dress it up, the bottom line is we make a choice each and every time we place a bet.
I know how it feels sfc, I lived 35 years as a CG. I know it feels like we just can’t help it. I know it feels like there is no conscious decision. But think about it nobody or nothing forces us to gamble, it is always our own choice.
Take care, and please keep posting.
I don’t expect you or anybody to learn from my mistakes, I never learned from anybody else’s mistakes.
But you probably know as well as me you do not need to gamble.
Sfc,
I wanted to post my advice and experiences BUT geordie's post is SO spot on that I've got very little to add.
I particularly liked the idea of the 'worst case scenario': What bad can possibly come of NOT gambling? Missing an opportunity to win more gambling tokens (let's face it, it's never 'our' money in the true sense as it WILL go back). Now compare this to the worst case scenario if you continue gambling (financial ruin, relationship breakdowns, loss of employing, self-destruction in ever sense) and it really is a no-brainer.
All the best
Phil
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