Tomorrow my battle begins

Welcome

Well done for taking measures to prevent you from gambling.

I've managed to stay "clean" for nearly a year. If I can do it so can you.

I've got more peace of mind now than before. Not tormented as much about thoughts of gambling these days.

Keep visiting this site and reading the posts.

Best Wishes

Welcome to the boards and Well done for making that important decision and taking steps to prevent gambling.

I've found lots of support on here from people who understand exactly how I'm feeling and the devastation gambling can cause. Please check in regularly and use all the support you have.

Pinky x

I haven't posted for a while mainly because I've been busy with work. My fight with gambling continues daily. I've had a good calculation of my financial position and I am £18000 in debt all because of gambling. I have a well paid job and can make the repayments but I am disgusted with myself at what I have lost. It's fair to say that online roulette and FOBTs have ruined me as a person. It disgusts me how week I've been at not being able to kick them for good. I've lost count of the stomach churning nights I've endured juggling finances all because of playing a computerised screen with a wheel and numbers. How did I ever expect to win on them long term? I've lost continually yet still I was drawn to them. I've taken steps to break the habit including self excluding, surrendering control of my finances and not carrying cash. I've a monthly budget now which I try to stick too. My difficulty comes from the guilt I experience nightly over what I've lost. The money, the time, my self respect, my dignity, my relationship. All of the above have been affected at different times. I want to get back on track and I want to break the cycle but I can't seem to forgive myself for the mistakes I made.

Still maintaining my abstinence but still annoyed at what I've lost. Effectively it's going to take me 36 months at £500 per month to clear the financial mess I've created for myself. Luckily I have the means to do it. It's a big learning curve but sometimes it takes something drastic to make a life changing decision. Betting was ruining my life so if I can finally kick this affliction then the money gambled will not have been lost in vain.

I realise now from all my failed attempts to quit gambling that beating this addiction is going to be a day to day battle. I've tried before but each time it has came back with vengeance. Yesterday I had the single most haunting gambling experience of my life. So much so that it left me considering my life and share I was headed. In the space of a few hours I managed to lose a months wage playing both FOBT and roulette online. The depressive feelings I had as my money wasted away left me numb. I have now reached a crossroads in my life. I will have to take a loan to clear all my debts over 4 years. This is manageable IF I get a bit of control over my finances. I have given all control of my finances to my family and removed all temptation by self excluding. I have a haunting guilt at the moment because everyone around me deserves better from me. I am going to post daily on here to try and gain some additional support and inspiration from those who know what it is like to beat an addiction. I am rock bottom but desperate to change my destiny. I want my life back and want to end this destructive cycle. I don't want pity but any words of motivation would be greatly appreciated. I have to do this, I want to do this and I believe I can do this. I can't do any bets and simply 'I cannot bet because I cannot stop!'

It's fair to say that I have a major battle on my hands. Wanting to quit and actually having the ability to do it are crucial. At the moment I feel guilty for all the carnage I've caused as a result of my addiction. I know it's not productive but at present I can't get passed it. I don't want this anymore. I've wasted time and money being a slave to gambling. I gambled yesterday and saw a flaw in my barriers to gambling. I can't have access to money at the moment until I break this cycle. I want to change to prove to myself, my friends and my family that I can be beat this. I'm tired of feeling like a punch bag all the time, of not sleeping, of feeling desperate, waking up in cold sweats, shuffling money around to plug gaps, not having savings, scrimping to get by. This is it. I can't take this anymore. I have no option but to fight this head on.

Hi Charlie

If you stop now. You will get your life back on track. Accept the money is gone, it will help you.

I've spent thousands over the last two years. My Dad died and I spent half of a 50k inheritance plus 14k credit card debt. If anyone knows about guilt, it's me. All the things I could have done with the money. At the end of the day no one is perfect. Like you I have a senior job, well paid, I'm no mug but gambling addiction got hold of me. I'm choosing to no longer dwell on the loss, although it still hurts now and then and move on. I will climb out of this and be one of those people that can eventually say 'I beat this'. Be that person too Charlie, claim your life back by stopping and moving on. All the best.

Tom_2015 thanks for the post. I'm on to day 2. My problem has never been the want to gamble every day. My problem has been chasing losses and running up debts through 'gambling frenzies!' I can go days without gambling but each time I fall off the wagon it is normally associated with major losses. I feel different about things this time. I want to end the cycle and be happy again and it's fair to say that the majority of the time gambling made me feel majorly unhappy. I could never win because I had no cut off valve and as a friend often said to me 'the bookies have just Kent you that money.....you'll give it back and more!' My family are supporting me at the moment however any lapse would be catastrophic to my relationship with them so that is incentive enough to stay focused. I don't need to bet anymore to get some enjoyment in life. There's plenty of less destructive ways to get pleasure in life without the gut wrenching lows of losing major money. I'm iotimistic about my future but realise there are pitfalls ahead. I need to stay strong and stay focused. One day at a time.

Just keep strong my friend. As time goes on all of this will just be a thing of the past. I'm done with gambling, it took me long enough to learn lol! If I'd have stopped when I lost my first grand 3 years ago I'd be sitting on a 60 to 70k bank balance and no debt. But I didn't stop and that is simply that. I'm d**n sure I won't be giving anymore money away though! It's taught me alot about myself and I can use that for positive things going forward. Just know you're not on your own and sadly there are many more who will follow in our footsteps. I'm taking control of my life. Be strong, know time will heal and that eventually you'll be free from this.

Day 4 and no hankering for a bet. If I truly have sickened myself with that last splurge then although the money will have been wasted, at least it wasn't in vain. Ultimately I became fed up each month having no money half way through a month. Hopefully March's wages will bear more fruit and last longer. My favourite quote today is 'be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire!' Positivity positivity positivity.