Been sitting here for ages wanting to say something....don't know what but something...the words won't come...I'm no writer and find it awkward to put feelings into words, this group...you people..the overwhelming support for each other, I actually believe that maybe just maybe I can change....
I've spent hours this evening reading Diaries and I am learning so much every single day, especially from some of the folks who have been gamble free for years, I know now I have to look deep, deep inside myself, I have to face my personal demons and more than anything else, I have to tackle the reasons i run & hide to the solitude of online gambling...I'm realising that I've probably been an addict of one thing or another since my teens, that addiction has been my comfort blanket when life has been unbearable.
Who am I without addiction? Honestly....I don't think I know, I've been living a lie for so long, putting on so many faces, happy and laughing when im miserable & screaming inside my mind, plodding through life wasting years of time that I will never get back...
I'm scared yes but my god I feel like I've woken up, I'm ready to face this head on....100% commitment...I'm no fool and I know it won't be easy, I need to educate myself to the triggers and be prepared for those difficult days that WILL come...
And just for today....no gambling 🙂 WCAWW
M x
Good morning all, here I am having to wake up at an ungodly time but when I'm waking up to Rhoda and SC's comments ... Well, it's no problem at all, and I have a spring in my step!!!
Rhoda, agreed it's great having our latest members alongside us. Strength in numbers. As you say, Sbb is at 73, but in his mind resetting to 0 for this challenge. WOW!
SC, what can I say. After reading your post several times, I can see like many of us in our group, you have chosen to cross the invisible line from 'I can stop this' to I WILL stop this. Big WOW again!
Yours is my personal post of the day, SC, and it's only 5:40 am!
You are starting to reject the 'old' you and all the misery you have had to hide from by disguising your feelings from others!
I have some fantastic news for you SC! You are starting to truly recognise that you are choosing life, and your brain is starting to come to terms with it. It's comparing the old with what will be the new! You are rationalising the past, can see from other diaries on here that gambling has been 'fools gold' for so many of us, and you want a much better future.
You wrote about what might be the underlying causes of your gambling. You may realise why, as you reflect, but don't be afraid to seek out free counselling through Gamcare to help draw the reasons out and help rebuild you.
You then wondered what kind of 'new' SC is emerging from your new, genuine gambling-free state. I can answer that! You will find, every day (forever) you stay in this place, you will feel happier. Please, I implore you, you are allowed to be happy. Don't fight it, enjoy the joys happiness brings. Guilt free? Listening and helping others? Calm? Peace? Excitement? Wonderment about life? Freedom? Financially better off? YES! Enjoy it, SC, enjoy it everyone reading this. ALLOW yourself to be happy! Gambling curbs this permission to be happy, but you are NOT going to gamble anymore. Day by day, forever!
SC, this moment of realisation can be very difficult for many of us and we are with you all of the way. The strength you will get from us will be awesome, because we truly know. Keep posting, keep telling us how you feel SC and keep strong. You really CAN and WILL do this!
My comments above, although written to SC, also may apply to everyone in our group who is undergoing a period of reflection as we settle in to our challenge and get comfortable.
We are all going to experience a range range of emotions as we go, possibly to the pinnacles of extremes.
But we're riding this rollercoaster together; the 11 of us here on this challenge and 14 in total in WCAWW is just the start. Gamcare, our loved ones, practical support, counselling, meetings, there are so many things we can do to seriously boost our chances.
We CAN, and we WILL.
Resolved, everyone? I thought so.
Good morning Friday, let us stay focussed on what is important - abstinence.
For ourselves, each other, our families and friends, for happier more fulfilling times.
We have made a promise to ourselves, and will not let ourselves down as we are worth looking after.
We want this and Need this.....WCAWW
Have a wonderful day everyone, breathe in the air, appreciate that you are still here fighting and winning...smile 🙂
Smiling here..going to have a productive day getting sorted for Christmas...working this weekend.
Day 18, this week's been a good week and I'm in a far better place than the previous 2 weeks.
I'm in on the 100 day challenge mixer, easy!
Apologies for not being very active, keeping myself mega busy.
Hi Rhoda, really glad you're smiling 🙂 and with 11 days under your belt I can see why 😉
And no worries Paul, keeping busy is good. Day 18 - nice one!
So long as we are continue to steer our good ships in those calm, gambling free waters, all is fine with the world.
Keep going everyone!
WCAWW!
Hi SC
You've grasped the truth in a way that many never manage and you've done it in a matter of days. Finding the roots of the compulsion and then addressing them is key to maintaining recovery so great to see that you're determined to do just that.
Lethe, very succinctly put.
I would implore everyone on the this thread to read SC's post above (the highlight of my day!), and maybe read mine and Lethe's follow-up replies (all above).
Mind if I jump aboard? How often do you check in? Sorry haven't had time to read the whole thread yet 🙂
*** ROLLCALL for the 100 DAY CHALLENGE! *** - 19 magnificent hardy souls choosing life over misery, day by day! Join us if you seriously want to quit gambling forever...
DAY 1 COMPLETE !!!! (pending confirmation from Change, dsh and Rogerson, and anyone posting to the contrary)
Start Date: 14th Dec 2016. Projected finish line: 25th March 2017. Success so far: 100%
Please be honest: that way you retain our full support and, importantly, respect.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Silver 90 Yes!
* Skyblue - plus 67 days B/f 🙂
Change, dsh, Rogerson; please confirm if you were gambling-free yesterday. Entirely up to you, but if you could change your profile entering the date you last gambled, it will make life easier for me when I take a look, as I'll see the 'Days Not Gambled'. Thank you!
​​If anyone above is in our Challenge group in error, or I've made a mistake, please drop me a post and I'll sort it out ASAP (n.b. we appreciate this approach is not for everyone). You're still in WCAWW though 🙂
WCAWW - we are out of the blocks!
P.S. Sorry about the formatting of the table of names above; it's a bit fiddly adding it to this post!
Lethe & Mix....thank you, means a lot.
Sam...welcome!
Mix......I think you have a blank spot where I am concerned my friend, you've missed me on the Rollcall...again lol!
WCAWW
M x
Hi SC - no way, I've done it again! Nothing personal, I promise. And remedied, all corrected above 🙂
Sam - let's get you to 300. Check in as often as you'd like! Added 🙂
WCAWW!
Hey Mixer, good chatting to you earlier.
Count me in.
90 days gamble free looking forward to the big 100!
Silver
Cheers guys! Together we stand
Sam - precisely,strength in numbers!
Silver - likewise and done; you've been added to today's rollcall :). Can we ALL add a FURTHER 100 days..?
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