Weekly Topic - "Grief" (National Grief Awareness Week 2023)

I think that grief hasn't affected me that much which is basically because I have been so focused on gambling in the past that I let grief ride right over me. 

I think the absence of me not being their in the head hurts I was not there in the moment when people of importance have passed away in my life.

It's hard to deal with and has different contexts for me also due to other mental health issues. I lost a mate in the forces and I knew it was coming in a sense and that turned grief into some thing numb to me in a way. 

Maybe I ll never process it properly but life has its challenges and I ll face them as and when things happen. The main thing is I am glad I am not gambling and my mind knows where I am at and I am there for myself and loves ones 

Dave101

Hello Dave101,

Thank you for sharing such a personal and honest reflection. Many people who have experienced addictions (including gambling), issues with moderation or use substance use convey that they are trying (or were trying) to numb themselves from feeling the full impact/memory of a trauma including bereavement/s. It sounds like you are gambling-free now and in a better place mental health-wise. Allowing grief in a safe supportive environment can be important but as you describe reconnecting with your loved ones in the here and now is precious.

Grief can be different for everyone and it is never too late to find support/process though. Some other avenues of support may be www.cruse.org.uk and Mental health services for veterans | Combat Stress

Wishing you well,

Louise,

Forum Admin

Grief has played a huge part in my gambling and then in my recovery. 

My gambling started 9 years ago. I was pregnant with my 5th and 6th babies, identical twin girls. My pregnancy was difficult from the start. At only 12 weeks my daughters developed a condition called TTTS (Twin twin transfusion syndrome). From then on i had to travel 2 hours to Liverpool womens hospital, to be scanned and checked, and travel 2 hours back every week.At 6 months pregnant, the babies were in huge danger of dying so I was rushed to St georges hospital in London were I had a procedure done on the girls in the womb. It was risky but I risked losing both girls if I didn't have it done. Heartbreakingly one of my twins died and I had an emergency c section, giving birth to one live baby and one baby thst was no longer alive. It was so traumatic, I then had to arrange a funeral for my beautiful girl whilst taking care of 4 kids and a newborn. My heart had never hurt so much. I sunk into depression and looked for ways to escape. I then came across gambling. It instantly gave me the escape id been looking for. It took my head away from my grief, even if it was just for short periods. The first couple years were the hardest, I struggled to cope and started gambling more. Fast forward 9 years and I've used gambling since then as a way to cope with the unbearable pain. 

This year, my gambling spiralled, I reached breaking point and confided in my mam, she was instantly supportive and said she would be there with me the whole way whilst I tried to stop. With her support, my partners, gamcare and some professionals, I decided enough was enough. I was gambling food money, bill money, was borrowing at every opportunity and was putting my family through hell. It had to stop. With my mam by my side, I made sure I had every block possible. She would be there when I broke down and wanted to gamble. She was my rock. She told me everyday how proud she was of me. Then one night I had a phone call from my brother. He was screaming down the phone saying our mam isn't breathing. I ran there and tried to help with cpr but it was too late, she passed away. My heart shattered into a million pieces. Shes been with me for 37 years, there through thick and thin. My rock. And now she's gone. I'm grieving and in a terrible place mentally, but she told me how proud she was of me for stopping gambling. Her words are helping me to stay gamble free. I'm over 110 days gamble free, and I'm not just doing it for me, but for her to. I made her proud when I stopped, and I will continue to make her proud. I know she will be looking down on me. I have had terrible urges the past couple days, craving that escape gambling gave me but I know I can't relapse now. I miss my daughter and mam like crazy, but I have some comfort knowing they are together.

Hi all, 

Thank you so much for your reflections of grief, it has felt like a privilege that you have shared your deeply personal experiences of grief with us. Your stories really highlight the way grief and gambling can impact each other and I am sure your insights will have resonated with others browsing the forum. Also, congratulations in staying gamble free, that is truly inspiring. 

I also wanted to note that a few years ago, Welsh Rugby Union coach Rob Howley spoke about how their grief led to gambling years later. If anyone would also like to read their story, you can access it here: https://www.shropshirestar.com/sport/uk-sports/2020/05/31/former-wales-coach-rob-howley-reveals-how-grief-led-to-his-gambling-problems/

If anyone would like support with their gambling, or is concerned about how their grief may be impacting gambling or vice versa, please don't hesitate to reach out to our GamCare helpline. The helpline is available 24/7 on 0808 8020 133 or live chat options and an adviser can help you access the support you need. 

Once again, thank you to those bravely sharing. 

Take Care,

Lulu

Online Peer Support Team