Hi
After speaking with an advisor through Gamcare, this has helped me to evaluate and understand some reasoning behind the addiction.
Im 35 and I have been married 5 years, known my wife 8 years. In this time, have had 2 beautiful young children and in January moved into first house and we have a joint mortgage. I have been feeling the stress and been worrying lots too during the past 5 years. Ive always want more and have the best. Ive been gambling various amounts past 3-5 years, but suffered a relapse around March time.
I think really it is my relationship with my wife. She is a good person but very sensitive too. I have always felt like because Im a nice guy and she saw me as a good person and would be good with bringing up a family main reason married me etc. I thought I dont want to be single all my life and would like to start a family (but most of us do, right?). My wife is 3 years older and was always wanting things much quicker than me. Im missing something and I think I have being honest. My head says move on, by heart says cannot break the household for my kids sake. I could lose everything since the relapse and explained last week, been lying about it. Cant forgive myself, and now my reputation has been tarnished.
I need something else, but the damage is done, not going to gamble again for a long long time. Ive got £16k debt to pay back but the wife calling it hers and kids too. I have overspent on new house but the relationship just given me some grief and the issue has caused me to gamble and this has felt satisfying. All is blocked now, and using non smartphone for a while.
It's actually my kids, know what could happen which could affect them. My house and everything have worked hard for last 8 years, and aware how much financially worse off would be.
What do I do about my relationship with the wife which I have let down twice?
Maybe read the f&f section and see if that gives you any insight?
CW
Your line about her seeing you as a good guy, suitable for bringing up kids - you imply that this is some kind of ulterior motive.
I'm thinking a) what's wrong with thinking you're a nice and good guy and that she would like to have a family with you? and b) it's an addicted mindset who thinks they can't be accepted for who they are, who thinks others can't love them for who they really are. It's called Imposter syndrome
I can still see imposter syndrome tendancies in myself - it drives a lot of addiction
Louis
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