when will it end.

Hi James, I really feel for you and understand where you're at. You can turn this around though and change your life from here onwards...yes it will take time and yes you will most likely feel awful for a while, but you can get to a better place bit by bit.

I had a slip almost 2 weeks ago..I lost €1,700 all my own money...back money I had been owed and a little saved..boom, gone! I was sick with myself and even up until the other day I was thinking of the loss of money and what I could have done with it.

I don't work as I have a med condition so I am on welfare...needless to say I could not afford to lose that money.

However I have realised if I go back chasing it I am gonna stay in a vicious circle that is only gonna get worse. I have decided to tough it out and sit with the feelings and wait for them to pass.

In the long run I believe this will be better as the problem with compulsive gambling is we can't win as we can't stop! Even if we walk away winning we will go back and lose it all again as you yourself have proven...and more than likely more with it!

Have you tried self exclusion from your gaming sites or casino?

I know you mention not being able to talk to friends or family about it, but if you go to a GA meeting you would be able to talk freely there and in confidence.

This site here I have found very helpful, there are great people on here only too willing to help and I have learned a lot from this site.

The great thing is you are aware....take something positive from that and know that you can change your life. There is help out there you just need to reach out and take it my friend.

No amount of money won is worth the hell we go through over it.

Stay strong, things will get better.

Alannah thankyou for your response. This is the first time i have ever tried anything like this so your response means alot. I have never tried self banning as i always think i can do it on my own... but i cant so maybe this is something i could look at doing. I am sorry to hear about your loss too. Its that feeling of what you 'could of' done with that money when its gone. My job doesnt pay great but i enjoy it and earn enough to be comfortable but yet i struggle month after month because of this addiction. I genuinley dont want to gamble anymore

Dear James,

reading you is like looking back at my past , when all was grey, my days where like a roller coaster .Only difference my roller coaster destination was every time hell, tears , embarrassment , isolation and loneliness,

.i'm 35 and have spent over 7 years gambling my life on and off. I refuse to count how much money i have lost as i don't care anymore, i stopped and all i care is what i have gained quitting this evil , vicious circle.

In January after (again) spent every single penny in my account included my Christmas bonus i was again broken inside,and i decided to call game care and book an appointment. since my first appointment i havent gambled since. i finished my program and the result is outstanding! i feel happy and free! i never thought i could have been one of the people in the other side on the way of recovering. Don't get me wrong , im not a fool i know gambe is a war and not a battle .But i learn that life without gambling feels so much better, not more lies, hiding and heartbreaking moments. You can get free again , but u must face the fact that u can't do it on your own and the moment u open up to someone you love everything will feel lighter. i know u must feel ashamed of it, this was my biggest problem as i was dead ashamed of being an addictive person. But hey! nobody is perfect and u will be surprise how good it does feel when u open your heart and u get a loving hand there to support u. u dont have to do this alone. i wish you all the best as i know i down it feels being in this vicious circle. i really do. Try the meetings, u can do it one by one in your own privacy. it will help u a great deal. i promise u! all the best, M

Hi Troubled,

thankyou for your response.

It is very inspiring as a compulsive gambler to hear such a positive story a yours. I wish you all the luck in continuing your road to recovery. If you can do it i can do it. I am currently 4 days without a bet and this site is helping me alot. Not sure i am ready to take the step yet of a meeting with someone even though i know it is probably the right thing to do.

I would strongly recommend u to go for the meetings,i personally opted to have one to one session.

It sounds more scary that it is. 4 days is a start my friend, but truth to be told i could have stay 2 all weeks without gambling ( due the fact that i would spend my entire wages in one go and i would stay penniless for two weeks), and then start again.

Going to the meeting is a commitment to yourself, and believe me is hard as hell.

But then again to open your heart to someone that won't judge you will take so much weight from your soul.

But this is a step you will take only when u are ready, unfortunately we do seek for help only when we are at our last drop of desperation. i wish i could have done it before , but again i had to reach the lowest of the lowest and i did.

I truly hope you will find the strength before u reach that point. Your story is my story , and i feel your pain.

But u are not alone in this , we are so many sharing this pain. All the best and hope to read u soon from the other side giving tips and advice to someone like u.

Life can change in better. I promise!