I haven't had a bet in about 3 months, when I had a meltdown. Before that I went for about 9 months, and before that about 4 years when I got myself into real roulette madness.
Tonight for some reason I'm feeling that real itch to go batshit crazy and bet heavy on that massive spinning silver b*****k. I know I will lose, I don't care. I just want the action. I'm so bored with feeling normal and safe.
It's great that I realise my personal triggers. It's great that I've come on here to rant rather than actually sign up to a new site and try my "luck" with an innocent tenner that will inevitably lead to every m**o penny I own.
I'm so curious to analyse what it is in me that now, after months of not even thinking about roulette, suddenly makes me want to bet so hard.
Nothing's happended this week in my life, no triumphs, no defeats. Nothing to blame on. I just-want-to-bet-right-now-so-bad.
I won't.
I know how it will end, and writing this is really helping me, reminding me of how I'll feel after a few bottles of wine at 4am posting that boo hoo, poor me poor me, pour me another drink I've lost another £1000 post, give me some sympathy, ETC.
But what is it in me?
How can I go for months clear, then suddenly get a vicious urge to go for broke. Is it boredom? Is it low self-esteem? Is it greed? Is it a full moon?
Any one out there got any insight?
Best,
Molehole.
Dont do it.
Do something physical where your mind/ body out
It will pass do something
Not sure why the urge suddenly appears but one thing is clear, you can never become complacent. The barriers have to stay up no matter how long you've stopped.
Not good molehole. Silence is rarely a good thing?
Hi Molehole,
I find the urge your having something akin to a long buried memory coming to the forefront of the mind. You know, like when you think about a person or an event that happened years ago. The memory floats into your current thinking for no apparent reason at all. You ruminate on it for a while and then you forget about it again. It could be the gambling urge works in the same way. Even if you've abstained and had no urge or impulse for quite sometime.
DeLorean nails it when he states keep the barriers in place then you cannot physically act on your urge/impulse.
Cheers
MrStop wrote:
Hi Molehole,
I find the urge your having something akin to a long buried memory coming to the forefront of the mind. You know, like when you think about a person or an event that happened years ago. The memory floats into your current thinking for no apparent reason at all. You ruminate on it for a while and then you forget about it again. It could be the gambling urge works in the same way. Even if you've abstained and had no urge or impulse for quite sometime.
DeLorean nails it when he states keep the barriers in place then you cannot physically act on your urge/impulse.
Cheers
Thanks MrStop, I think you are spot on with your analysis. I felt a strong urge to bet on a football match today, sad to say I gave in to the urge. The match lost. I felt the usual feelings of annoyance because it was so close, so very close to a win. I then stuck a "cheeky tenner" into the fobt and lost immediately. I walked out.
I now feel S****y that I lost £20 I could've spent on that beef rib roast I always see at the Tesco meat counter as I'm reaching for the £3.50 pork shoulder, but it gave me a strange sense of satisfaction that I managed to walk away.
Maybe that means I'm not a CG anymore? Maybe it means I'm in denial? Maybe I never really was a CG compared to some of the stories I've read on here, but it's not a misery competition is it.
Mole x
Hi Moley - you and I have been on the site a long, long time (as have many others) and we both know the urges are always lurking but sometimes surface higher sometimes than others.
The £20 doesn't really matter from a financial point of view but is still annoying because a) it's a loss and b) you could have spent it on something worthwhile.
I think you need to be on red alert for the next few days as you are probably itching to win your £20 back but let it go mate and be grateful it wasn't a grand (which it could soon be if you start gambling and chasing again).
I totally get the bit about it seeming boring being sensible and safe and in many ways it is but I would rather that boring feeling than the one we get after a loss. Tell you what, go out and treat yourself to something nice then log on here and read about those who are losing big time. All of a sudden sensible will seem good.
Keep posting and well done on addressing the triggers.
Best wishes
Dave
Hi mole... you make some really interesting observations in your posts. Look forward to reading more in the future.
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