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Hi Jess,

So sorry to hear about your struggles, but really pleased to see you back and posting. This place will help you, that's the most we can do - never give up on giving up. You say you had a diary before, did you put any physical blocks to stop you from self inflicting this pain? Might heard all this before, but these tips really helps:
• self exclusion
• giving control of the money to someone you trust
• blocking software on your device
• filling your time up when urges hits...just doing something to take your mind from the disaster.

You sound like you're in pain. I really would like to assure you that with time these feelings will subside. You can do it, you can set yourself free and build road ahead. Not easy journey, but possible.
Be kind to yourself and please please keep posting. Nobody will judge you here,..hell who are we to judge!..get it all out..good bad and ugly. Just let the poison out...shared problem is problem halved.

Rooting for you..Take it easy and let yourself to move on in your journey - one day at a time..you're worth your life back...accept it with both hands...it's the gift which never stops giving.

Hugs and strength dear soldier

Sandra x

Hi Jess,

So sorry to read of your slip, but am pleased you have come back here, and determined to not give up giving up.

Sending you strong and positive thoughts

Suzanne xx

thank you all sometimes you feel so alone...well most of the time like you are the only person who has felt this c**P through your own actions. i live 2 lives jess the 26 year old who is 'normal' has a fab family and friends works hard and yet the alter ego is jess the lier the manipulator the person who has an empty space inside of her through her own actions. i have wanted to come here for a while now but was worried of what people would think. stupid i know.

gambling thoughts are rattling around my head constantly at the minute. i got myself into a terrible rut where i was spending every penny on it again and counting down the days till i get more money to do it again so i know im bound to have these thoughts as it was playing such a huge part of my life. i kept very busy yday and im planning on doing the same again today. having no real money helps stop the act itself but at the minute isnt helping those thoughts.

Instead of running away from those thoughts why not stand & face them. Ask them why they are there , what do they want, what problem are they trying to fix. When you identify the problem your addiction is trying to fix for you, you are then in a position to tackle that problem with a different solution. Because no matter how many times you use gambling to try to fix your pain it wont work for you long term

Dan

Hey,

Just ride the storm out girl. Listen, what about those blocks? Knowing you have more in the arsenal than just willingness will surely be huge help going forward. You know you can do it, you are worth good things, stop ruining your life dear soldier...put your mind and soul into the battle. You will come out the other end.

we are rooting for you!
Keep posting and stay close by, this helps...we are here and listening.

S x

i know you are both right ive been looking into hypnotherapy as it is something that is supposed to get to the root cause of any issues you "lock away" i guess and i am very aware that i do this often. i have also installed k9 on my phone an tablet now and will which always helps restrict your access. im feeling a bit more positive about it and myself today i knew it had to be done or i would be left with nothing or noone but today i actually feel like i can be strong enough to fight the thoughts when they come. tomorrow will be a real test as i will have a decent amount of money in my acc. but i know if i fight them i will feel an be a better person.

Hi jess,

You say you have a decent amount of money entering your account tomorrow, and you are getting strong urges,now and then, are you usng the triangle where you will be unable to use that money, you need every barrier in place, willpower alone will not be enough,

I after nearly 10 months now am still blocked from the home computer, I have a crappy phone and my iPad is not set up for the gaming sites, and not last I still have no extra money in my account, it's in s other account thst does not have a card.

I wish you well on your willpower tomorrow, but without every barrier up,,you won't be safe.

You can do this recovery, but you have to put 100% commitment into it, otherwise your chancing it will run out, sooner or later.

Take care of you and stay safe.

Suzanne xx

hi suzanne thank you for your comment. i have made that mistake before thinking i could do it on will power alone i have set a plan up to keep myself busy over the next 2 weeks and im keeping a note of when why and where i have triggers to make sure i have always something in place if they crop up. ive started a new job recently which is full time so i know i have that to keep me occupied in the day i have joined a gym recently to so intend to make the most of that also. i will welcome any suggestions that anybody has or things they have found useful with open arms as im fully aware of the ease of slipping back into old habits it just sneaks up on and bam before you know it another 6 months of your life are gone in a daze.

Hey jess,

That's great to read, looks like you have already put in a hell of a lot well done you,

Keeping one step ahead all the time is a great key,

Suzanne xx

well i have been in touch with gam care again and set up to go to a few sessions again found it quite helpful last time and they where very supportive so thats next wednesday.

well tomorrow is my 1st counselling session with gamcare.im feeling apprehensive to say the least but at the same time looking forward to it. i havent posted much on here at the moment but have been in daily reading other peoples diaries which is helping massively. still struggling with my thoughts at the minute to be honest but still making sure im keeping plenty busy with work and the kids. todays has been a good day though i have smiled and laughed which has been nice .

Hi jess,

hope the counsilling session goes well, pleased to read you are soo more positive.

Take care

Suzanne xx