18TH JAN 2013 - Time to let go.

18TH JAN 2013...........

Thanks guys and gals.

Two years ago today, I finally realised that I had reached rock bottom. I can remember that day so well - standing in a corner of the room, hovering over the phone, dreading the thought of having to ring my sister to tell her I had gambled all my salary once again. Feeling sick to the stomach, desperate, ashamed, guilty, terrified. That was the day that I knew (in the words of the singer/songwriter Seal) "A change is a comming".

Two years on......

Apart from a "moment of madness" lasting a few hours, I have been able to abstain from all forms of gambling to this very day.

The Results..........

For the past two years, I have been able to pay all my bills, I have paid off gas and electricity arrears, paid my council tax arrears, paid my mum back what I owed her, able to run a car again, and the most important thing! - "BE ME AGAIN"!!!

I hope the above does not sound like I am showing off - I just wanted to demonstrate to those starting out on this journey, that you life can really get back on track the minute you decide to abstain from something which is causing you great harm and distress. Don't get me wrong, it has not all been a breeze but I can honestly say, that during these two years, I have definitely slept better at night, had peace of mind and felt more in control of my thoughts, feelings and actions.

18th Jan 2015............

Today - two days before pay day and I have still got money in my bank!!! Not much, given that we have just got Christmas out of the way but nevertheless, this is still an achievement for me. I am now able to do all the things I did in the past, maybe not spend as much as I would like some of the time, but that's not a bad thing I suppose. Sometimes I think things are a little difficult but I just take myself back to the above date. That is enough to make me shudder and realise how far I have come on this journey.

Today, I am going into town with my wonderful, supportive sister who I cherish and who has been by my side throughout the whole of my journey. She has supported me and continued to praise me in my efforts to become that person I once was. On this cold, miserable day, I am going to have a treat - meet up with some of my lovely family and have a huge hot chocolate and cake!!! Just the day for it. The most important treat however, is that I will be happy and healthy in the mind also.

Mini Goals:

I continue to set myself mini goals. I believe these have really helped me to remain focused and not lose sight of what I am trying to achieve again. It doesn't matter how small or large these goals are - being able to tick these off are great!! Here goes:

1. To continue to pay all bills

2. To continue to pay my sister back what I owe (now long to go now thankfully).

3. To build my balance gradually in my bank account so when it comes to pay day, I always have something left already.

4. To continue to remind myself of "that day", if/when I get any gambling thoughts.

5. To continue to make mini goals.

There you go everyone. I did tell myself that once I reached this stage, I was going to do the lottery - just for one day of the year, on 18th January. So far, I have not done this yet but possibly may do. That will be my only vice.

I do not come on here as much (mainly because I do not like the new layout) but I do still read posts.

To all who know me, I wish you all the very best of luck and to those reading who are new to here, be assured that you can truly change your life back to the way it was before gambling took a hold.

I wish you all the very best of luck.

Feb - Determined as ever on "The Bright Side of the Road".

Feb that's a brilliant post and why not show off you have done amazing your turning your life around an amazing woman definately have helped me massively on here here's to a wonderful 2015 x

The bear x

Hi feb,

Congratulations on reaching 2 years of being gamble free, and what a lovely positive and inspiring update.

Best wishes

Suzanne xx

Hi and thanks for posting - good to read of your success over the past two years. Proof to us newbies it can be done !

Clare x

Thank you Clare - you too can achieve this.

Stay strong.

Feb.

Lady feb.

A huge congratulations on your two years in recovery.

We both share the same 'moment of madness' in our time here.

I know I have learnt a great deal from those few hours I gave back to addiction.

The main I believe that we both share.

Our want, desire to recover outweighs our addictions desire to get us to return to those destructive ways.

Keep making the right choice

Abstain and maintain

Keep inspiring.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

To my friends The Bear and the great Duncs - thank you for your lovely posts on my diary and to continue to do great yourselves. Thank you to Suzanne and NT also and I truly hope that you can both lead a better life now that you have decided to abstain. Keep going, it is well worth it.

Take care all and stay safe and strong.

Feb.

Thanks Feb. I'll be strong 🙂

Clare x

Hi Feb,

Just a flyer by to say hi 🙂
Know you don't post much now but do look forward to your updates and little goals you set for yourself. Always been and am greatful for your support in my recovery. Some faces and inspiring souls is just a sin to forget lol.

so..just THANK YOU

Stay safe and keep on keeping on

Sandra xx

MONTH 25 - PAYDAY UPDATE:

Thank you Sandra for your continued support. Much appreciated.

Had money in my bank still when my salary went into the bank this month. God, I remember the very dark, sad, desperate days when all of my money would have been gone in just only a couple of hours after it hitting my account ugh!!! How different life is again. Back to normal almost (apart from my debt but continuing to pay back).

I have noticed just lately, that I have been going about my business, doing the things I used to be able to do - buying presents, purchasing things for myself, paying for things without worrying about it. Just generally going from one month to the other without any real worries. That my friends, feels so good, still 2 years on.

My goals I continue to stick to. Life is good and normal and there is nothing better than normality in your life believe you me.

Take care all - to all my friends I know and to those I do not. We have all been at the same place some time or other.

Feb - Feeling just like Feb again on "The Bright Side of the Road".

Hi Feb, thanks for your support it is very much appreciated.

Am so pleased to see how 2 years of recovery has turned your life around, and to be able to purchase presents etc without worrying, am not there yet lol, but yours and others on here with amazing inspiring posts will certainly help me to get there.

Keep inspiring us all on here and keep building on your new life which simply is recovery .

Suzanne xxx

Hi Feb,

Just dropping by to say that i am proud of you and wishing you continued success going forward.
Getting bk to the start myself, just wanted to say that all of you was and still are great inspiration for this soul ☺

keep up good work and keep looking ahead

Sandra x

Hey Feb,

How is our inspiring and lovely soldier doing?
Always nice to see your updates, hope you are enjoying your life to the full, you're more than worth it!

Take a good care of yourself and keep winning!

Sandra x