I'm 194 days away from my last bet. I've just read my post from a while back when I was nearly 900 days gambling free. I messed up and went back to gambling.
I genuinely thought I could make money from gambling. Insane I know.
These days I'm worried.
This last 194 days I've generally felt low, down, depressed, lacking energy, lacking motivation, sad, lazy and just want to stay in bed.
There was poker on the tv yesterday and I couldn't resist watching a few hands. One man had kings. Played the hand terribly and lost to an ace on the river. Then he lost to runner runner when a 94% favourite on the flop.
I was craving a game of poker.
Being honest, I'm devastated I went back to gambling. I would have been over 1000 days off.
I just can't be bothered these days.
It's like I want to get £1000 out of the bank and gamble with it. Poker, football, horses, tennis, boxing... it's like I want the hit from gambling.
I have it in my head that if I gamble my next recovery will be easier. I know it's mad but the last 194 days have been a pain. Looking back, my diet was healthy. Now it's bread jam beer chocolate sausages chips pizza etc..
I wish I'd never gone back to gambling. But what's done is done.
Now I want to change the way I feel. I want my motivation back. I want to feel loads better. I've had 30 years of misery from gambling. I want a happier life now.
Sorry for the moan.
You think you need the hit from gambling, but your comments suggest that you don't truly want it.
I know too well the list of issues you've listed above, I had them all before and still each one will hit me from time to time. You can and will change again, but it takes time and you have to focus on the small changes. For me it was to start with something as simple as forcing myself to get up and shower each morning, to start to bring routine back into my life.
You are strong - as much as you wanted a game of poker, you didn't succumb... well done for staying strong.
Our past is our past, never to change. Personally I still beat myself mentally from time to time but I am a lot better than I used to be. Try to stay focussed on today.
All the stay and stay GF.
Cheers ste ven.
You are bang on there. Small changes.
I just spoke with someone who said there's 3 choices.
1) go back to a life ruined by gambling
2) stay the same
3) take control of your life GF and make the small changes to get there.
They said I'm in stage two of a GF life..
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