1st steps

Man City - you are so right. When he was gambling, my son was not always a nice person - so inward looking and selfish. I remember one time he followed me round the supermarket making me feel guilty because I wouldn't lend him some money. His behaviour was appalling - and so far away from how i had brought him up that I started to think he may be mentally ill and it may be my fault because I had split up with his dad. I can see now it was because he owed money all over the place because of his gambling, but the facade he had built was so good that we all believed it. I feel a bit like I have been through the mill. I crave serenity and peace but I know I am a long way from that because I need to be vigilant. I keep looking back and trying to see why I didn't see the signs - and I cannot believe I was so blind. However, he is doing well, he is behaving more like the boy I know and love and he is being open and honest (at least I think he is) That is all I can ask - it has been, and is, a huge learning curve and lesson. I don't think his resolve has been tested yet - I hope he has the willpower to resist any urges when he is tested. You never know what life throws at you and his answer was always to hide behind gambling - it is now time to stand up and face the music, whatever that may be. I hope he proves that he can stay strong, it will be interesting to see how he reacts when I have to refuse him something - that hasn;t happened in our current status quo. He decided to stop, he is managing his money (with me overseeing it) but so far there hasn't been a situation where he has to make a choice or be refused something. His reaction at that point will tell me how much he has changed and how far he has come. I kow how difficult it must have been and I am proud of how far he has come up to now. Thank you for your advice and experience.

Hi Mum

You are putting alot of effort into your son's recovery. It's about time you started working on yourself. You have to move on too. If your son doesn't then that's his look out. If you start moving forward you will grow together. His problems are not yours. I'm not saying this to be horrid to your son I just know that you must look out for you. I'm sure he'll do well as he sounds very motivated. This addiction does test us to the full and everytime we come through a real urge we feel better for it.

Take care

Steve E

Well. well well... What can I say. Week 6 today. How far away I feel from gambling you would not believe. Well in 6 wks let's have a little reflection. I still have pennies in my bank after payday and am due to get paid next week AGAIN. I have not spent my bus fair in the bookies and had to walk the short 4 miles home in wind rain or shine. These little details are irrelevant. I have not lied and I have been completely honest throughout. This is what matters. my relationships with people are a million times better. I am starting to realise how to enjoy myself. Strange I know but it is true. I even cooked a meal for my wonderful supportive mum. Maybe doesn't sound a lot to most but I oculdnt imaginetrying to cook whilst hiding my price tag of debt my saddened heart and keeping up with the number of lies I had previously told. My work life has improved no end I think my boss thinks my new and more intelligent twin has been turning up for work. Surely there cant be 2 people this good looking 😉 jokes... Steve is right mum and although I do appreciate everything your doing the extra worrying you do is not needed. I will take this chance with both hands and over time prove to you it has gone and hopefully heal the wrongs. 6 weeks of my life filled with enjoyment excitement new things and happiness I would never have imagined. Talk is cheap but the proof is in the pudding so heres to the next 6 days 6 weeks 6 months 6 years and the rest of my life. Onwards and upwards and today I won't gamble. Oh nearly payday and I dont have to worry about making sure I'm in the correct city to pay a loan shark.. oooohhhhh thge relief. I have a smile bigger than a cheshire cat with the cream and cheese 🙂

Hi There

Your last post made me smile.

... Steve is right Mum...

... I cooked a meal for my Mum...

how much can be changed if we want to change.

Well Done on 6 weeks...

Here is a little prayer we say in G.A. which I wrote on a bit of paper and stuck to my work computer, so every time I had a frustrating moment in my day I looked at it and realised all over again that I am only responsilbe for my own actions and with all the will in the world cannot change others, only myself. Here goes:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

In G.A. we say ..God of our understanding, Higher Power...that can be the G.A. group, the family or any other support you feel comfortable with, it is not religious, it is how each individual perceives it, it's spiritual.

Keep up the good work you are doing.

God Bless

Charly.

Hi and well done Mr Cheshire Cat!!! keep that smile going, you deserve it purrrrrh.

Glad things going good. Min x

How nice to read the posts - you all have no idea how helpful this forum has been and still is. I think Steve, that you are right. It is just hard to let go of the worrying - a bit like protection really. If I let down the guard something might come and bite me! I want to be optimistic and trust my son but previously when I have done so, I was so wrong - I just swallowed lie after lie ..... I don't want to get caught out again. I am immensely proud of his journey - and last night he was in the winning cup final team in his league, made 2 goals, scored 1 and was Man of The Match - with all his prevous worries even his football performance had taken a dip. This is good evidence that he could concentrate and was motivated to win. Please God let this continue - as a mother, your driving aim is for your children to be happy. That is what I wish for him.

It's raining raining soaking wet,

One things for sure I dont want a bet,

I don't want the worry or the threat,

Or have to run around so much I sweat,

A smile on my face as I no longer gamble,

I write this little poem to have my ramble,

The weekend is near so smile and cheer,

Have a wine or a pint of beer

One things for sure today I won't gamble,

This is te end of my poetry ramble.

Stay strong everybody have a good weekend and for today don't gamble.

Hi PSOWM, heres raising a glass to you too!!! nice little ramble and have a lovely weekend. Min x

Nice poem psown

That will set me up nicely for the weekend.

Well done to your Son And yourself, keep it up......................

GAZZA

Well done on 6 weeks.

I also have the words of wisdom written in various places to look at now and again.

Those words.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Take Care

Hey Sir

Thanks for your post - you are so right - places like york have so much to offer otside of racing and i need to make sure I see those other sides of towns rather than just places with race tracks. That christmas shopping trip really sounds like something to aim for.

Hope you enjoyed your weekend - well done on the footy.

Eyes X

Well another weekend gamble free and boy I am starting to feel like a normal person. Although a cautious one for obvious reasons. Can't believe that in such a short space my life could have completely turned around and changed for the better. My mental state is better my head my emotions and even my thought process. It has not been easy but so much more satisfying. If anybody who is reading this is thinking about taking it one day at a time then definately do because before you know it things will be looking up. Thanks for all the comments and support. As for today I won't gamble. Keep smiling.

Keep up the great work mate your doin brill 🙂

Kind Regards

J

Hi There

Good to see you're still working at yourself and are getting stronger by the day. Thank you for the poem. It's nice to smile and laugh about things, very important in recovery.

Keep up the great work.

And..yup..I go by those words of wisdom Mancity added to your diary.

Saves my b**t almost daily.

God Bless

Charly

Glad to see this thread looking so positive everyone! It is pleasing to know that there is hope and attitudes and habits can be changed .... one step at a time! Well done all of you! xx