2010

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to support me. I really do appreciate your posts.

I have not gambled but remain unsettled? I have deleted several emails from gaming sites this morning. These emails come into my spam together with emails about payday loans, debt consolidation, balance transfers, unlocking equity in property, cash convertors, viagra for women and P o r n sites. Now, is it more or am I seing a link here? lol Anyhow they have all be trashed. I was considering a new email address but it would cause a load of probs, so i will have to keep on deleting.

Daughter back from Glasto and has gone all "hippy"....made P and me smile. One thing is she did no drugs which is a great achievement for her. I was very worried about her being in this environment again but she has matured and made me proud.

The footie on Sunday was diabolical......I say they need a female Manager! I wonder if I will ever see that in my lifetime? P has followed the World Cup and I have been a dutiful wifey and watched every match...I actually got quite into it. Anyway after the performance on Sunday P was on a real downer and I had to work hard at motivating. I was secrety glad as I could remove the flag from my lounge window!

P is off tomorrow which will be nice and my sister is coming up from Bournemouth on Saturday for a family meal. Lots to look forward to.

Love to all and stay strong....no excuses now! If i can do it believe me anyone can.

Jas xx

Hi Jas, first time on your diary for a couple of months but glad to see you are still doing really well.

I set up a new e-mail with hot mail recently and import from my old e mail. This seems to somehow have stopped some of the old spam e mails. I think there is a link between some of the spam that we get--they must buy lists of easy targets like us!!!

I do not think a female manager would help but perhaps a few female players could do better than that lot.

Glad your daughter was ok at Glasto--I thought Faithless were fantastic although Sister Bliss looks like that stern woman on Eastenders who was in Bad Girls.

All the best

Stumper x

Hi Jasmine

Thank you for all your help/support over the past 12 months, its my year today on this forum and what a tough year it has been!

Anyway you take care of yourself, lots of love ands. xx

Hi Jas,

not like you to go this long without posting. Hope you are alright flowerpot, I know relatives visiting sometimes=mental distress for some people. Hope thats not the case for you.

Take care,

f x

Ahhh Freda....you lovely girl. Thanks for looking out for me...and yes, you hit the nail on the head regarding mental stress with relatives.

I would actually now like to be left alone. I am tired of keeping the peace, especially with my youngest girl. What is it with young people these days. Thoroughly selfish and money motivated. I wasn't like that with my Ma.

The birthday bash seemed to go ok but it felt like a pressure cooker of emotions. My daughter dibbed out at the last minute as she was hungover from the night before. I was fuming and sad but totally powerless to force her to act responsibly and respectfully.

The night was eventful to say the least and I am left feeling that I need space to breath again.

I haven't gambled one penny which is good but I can honestly say that if I could get my hands on some cash I'd be at it. The blocks are working although it does pea me off that I have to be treated like a kid in order to protect myself.

Get this too.......our youngest moved out last year. For anyone who can remember my diary it was the most horrendous time of my life. She upped and left to live with some strangers from work. Left college, left us. Then, when the money ran out the txts started coming through..........grooming soft old me for a return. I gave in and she came home. All was going swimmingly....she enrolled in college, started saving again, driving lessons, nice friends round etc...Then a "boy" comes on the scene and it all goes t**s up again. She had only just met him and asked if it was ok to stay at his house for the night. I may be a bit old fashioned but I said I wasn't happy with it and I asked what his parents would think. Then an almighty row breaks out and she leaves......gone again! In a P**f of smoke. His dysfunctional family have "taken her in". Here we have a family, nothing like my daughter''s upbringing.......no education, several divorces, taking each other to court, pregnant 18 year old daughter, several children from different relationships.......my goodness, it's a melting pot of S***e......and now they have moved into a rented 5 bedroom property and my daughter and her boyfriend of a few weeks are living together and happily paying rent............I never got a penny. Why am I ranting...because I need to.

Anyway...to the point of all this. When our daughter came home these so called friends had spent all her money....everything gone. In a moment of weakness we agreed to allow her to have a nice mobile on a contract coming out of our bank account. To cut a long story short she has been letting this guy use her phone as if it is his....P put a block on anything over the contracted monthly payment and so the phone was rendered useless. She kicks off and we then agree to have it reinstated if she agrees to transfer it to her name. She does this and then I get my gambling thrown in my face. Yeah......she has the cheek to accuse me of spending all her money................now, I may have done some S***e things across P but I never touched any on my girls money, ever. You see, children these days are mad for money. We spoilt ours rotten and then get that thrown in my face. It's like ammunition you see....I have tried to be honest about gambling and it's terrible affects and all they can see is their inheritance disappearing. Shocking.

For anyone who reads this you may be thinking what the hell is all this to do with gambling. Believe me family stuff has a lot to do with compulsive gambling. It messes with your head.

I need quiet time now. Pottering in the garden, flicking through a magazine or just walking my pooches in the field. I feel fed up right now but eventually this will pass. I still have a lot to be thankful for and I will try my best to focus on everything that is positive.

Sorry to be so miserable but I just feel that everything and everybody is against me right now.

I hope you guys are doing better than me.

Jas

(((Jas)))

People say such hurtful things in anger. Then its out there - can't be taken back. Then you get to roll it all round in your head for days, each time you remember it stabs you like a knife.

Im so sorry, you must have had a horrible week. You don't deserve it. Unfortunately your daughter will pick who she picks, must be so frustrating! On paper they sound awful, but you never know... appearances can be deceptive, and our opinions are not always reliable.

Members of my family treat me like chit sometimes too, it stings but don't mean we deserve it!

Well done for not gambling - you would feel even worse if you were dealing with that too. Just you look after yourself, and stuff everyone else. Lick your wounds, and be kind to yourself.

Take care,

f x

Feeling loads brighter today. It's helped that I have been doing a lot of voluntary work....it is very rewarding.

Things in perspective now and it didn't take a sesh of gambling to help sort it...or not as the case may be.

I guess I just need time to think. I am no fool..i am aware I am still in early days of my recovery, even though it's been over a year. I know it will always be there waiting if I choose to go back there. I am choosing not to and I am using everything in my power to ensure I succeed.

I have been quite sad and unsettled recently...so much so i haven't played a single note on my piano. Tomorrow I will promise myself to play for at least 15 minutes.

Jas x

Jas jas jas....not been on as much myself these days...seems a lot of stressful things happening on a lot of diaries mine uncluded.,keep them as just gambling thoughts lass your doing just marvelous...best wishes we can do this 🙂

Hi,

Well I played my piano as I promised myself. It felt good. Little goals.

Things still a little unsettled with family stuff but life goes on. I am tired of always being the one to apologise and back down when I have done nothing wrong. Going to stand my ground this time.

Our daughter is home waiting for another care placement. When she was a little girl we used to go to a particular beach in Wales. She asked if we could go tomorrow. That's where we are heading then.

Spoke to a friend last night who has been persisting with trying to see me for a chat and catch up. I have kept coming up with excuses. Spoke last night and arranged to meet up. Now, that felt good.

Today is a beautiful day and I am going to make the most of it.

Jas x

Good girl!

xxx

Hi Jas

You keep appologising even if its not your fault because its the type of person you are.You dont want annomosity or any bad feeling between yourself and anyone else so you do what you have to.

This will be one of the good features people see in you.Enjoy your day today Jas and the meeting with your friend.Just remember you are kind and forgiving and people know that.All the best Jeff.

Well, the beach is off because they forecast rain and so here I am munching on a bacon sarnie and perusing the web. Just seen a fantastic deal on luggage...70% off for when I go to Egypt in October. I can't believe I am going actually...certainly couldn't win that on a slot machine spin.

To go to Egypt, P cashed in his small amount of savings in his isa. It was a reward for not gambling. I think it is a good idea to reward ourselves...whether it's a holiday or just a nice cream cake......mmmm

I may catch up on a few chores today.

I hope everyone has a lovely gamble free weekend.

Jas x

Hi Jas, Thanks for post, I have had my own difficulties recently and havent felt I could post to support others but you are always in my thoughts.

Good to read life is still going good for you.

Morning,

I am convinced that the hours and hours spent online gambling has ruined my eye sight. I have needed glasses for ages but just could not afford them. When I stopped gambling last year I opened a savings account......I was motivated by a fellow poster named Alan (just in case you still read Alan) anyway I decided to use this cash towards ane eye test and some trendy specs.

So, at long last I am posting with absolute clarity!

On Saturday my sister rang....about 10pm. We had just finished a bbq and I was sipping on a glass of iced baileys (Xmas leftover!)....just enjoying the lovely evening. She had been gambling since the afternoon and the machines where she was had gone down......she wanted me to go to the casino with her..............it's only because her hubbie is self excluded and she wanted me to go with her. I persuaded her to jump in a taxi and to join us. Amazingly she DID. It was lovely........and she thanked me for helping her to be strong. I personally had absolutely no intentions of gambling...I felt nothing towards gambling.

The urges I was having had disappeared into oblivion. I am grateful that I have found this strength.

Love to all...Jas xx

Thanks Again for your support and post Jas. You are like the Wise Mother Owl, supporting everyone....

Great to see you have stayed strong regardless of what life is dealing.

Thanks Again,

Darren