2010

I am feeling really unwell. Last night I had to keep my cool when I rang the NHS helpline. Put it this way..helpline..NOT. It would appear that you have to be actually dying or dead for a G.P to visit. Pneumonia is awful...unable to breath, pain, jelly head, wacky dreams...all because I'm not getting the bloody oxygen I need. I now have to go to see my G.P tomorrow or go to a walk in centre today and wait hours and hours.

I have a wedding on Wednesday so I have to plan the flowers...looks like P will be doing them! Quite funny actually as he is colour blind. Just trying to make myself laugh.

If this bout of illness has taught me anything...that is to treasure my health...you can't win that online or in the bookies. It's precious and you only realise that when you are sick.

Going to have a read of some diaries now.

Enjoy your Sunday.

Jas x

Sorry to hear you are still feeling poorly. Probably best to stay away from hospital as I believe the Government are now making it compulsory to catch mrsa when you are in there!!

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Keep smiling

Stumper

Sorry to hear you are still unwell Jas.

Thanks for post on my diary and encouragement.

I think Gamcare should be paying you when I see all the entries on diaries that you do!

Keep up the good work.

Morning Jasmine - sounds rough as anything for you at the moment. Hope your body defence system kicks into full gear soon and fights it off! Good though you are finding the energy to post here even when sick ... real commitment to yourself! And thanks for your message on my diary. Get well asap! All the best Blocked.

hi jas

thanks for your kind words and support

NHS 24 wot a joke theyr ment to help but they just tell go see ur GP hopeless hope u get better soon

wishing u well .....norma x

Hi Jas, hope you are maybe feeling a bit better and sorry to hear about your sister.

Also just dropping by to post in your diary so that your diary returns to where it should be sitting - on top of the pile!

Thanks for encouragement and support and well done on your own continued progress.

Hi Jas

Get well soon Jeff.

Hello Diary,

Thank you Jeff and Captain :-))

Feel really low with my illness folks. Can't focus on anything to be honest. There are a load of things going on here and I'm trying to segment each issue and deal with them separately and in priority instead of allowing them to mingle and become one big problem. Why am I talking about problems...because I realise that problems trigger my compulsive behaviour...not just gambling but eating, drinking, shopping. So, for today, I am going to do nothing about anything.

The one real worry I have..I will share it with you...is my sister. She has cancer and we have sort of got used to that diagnosis and we are living with it so to speak. Part of me thinks she is still ill....don't know what it is but just a gut feeling. I am very close to this sister (I have 5) and we have been through a lot together...including gambling! Anyway, we went to Blackpool to celebrate New Year and I had this weird feeling about her health...she looked beautiful..but there was something in her eyes that wasn't right. When we were out she told me she felt unwell...pains in her arm and numbness in her fingers. We tried to laugh it off and carry on drinking but I could tell she was in pain. That was New Years eve and today is the 27.1.10 and she is still in agony...she has been to see a neurologist and is going to have a brain scan. My heart is in my mouth as I am writing this...because I am so fearful. When she is telling me about all her treatment it is not going in...I just don't want to know. So today she will go into work, dressed to kill and manage a company...and noone will know what is behind that mask. She has been gambling online and rang me last night...not to discuss her health but to ask me to talk her out of gambling...she said the urges were the worst she has ever had. So, how does this make me feel......like gambling of course. Why though...you know something I don't know why...I'm sick of analysing it all...but what i do know as fact...and I'm only talking for myself is that if I decided to indulge it will lead me to the same place I've been in many times...it would be a temporary reprieve from my feelings but it will in actual fact make them worse.

I will catch up on your diaries.

Jas x

Just read your Diary hun. It is very difficult supporting someone who has cancer and the thought of escaping to the world of gambling must feel an attraction to you both. It is difficult place to be and i wish i can advise you but on this occassion i am stuck for words. It is very brave of you to share your troubles on your diary. i hope you do not mind me posting on your diary but i felt i wanted to let you know i will be thinking about you (both).

Stay strong.

Hi Jas

Sometimes over analyzing situations is not the best thing to do in my experience. Difficult to begin to think about the situation with your sister. In a way, it puts the problem of just not gambling into perspective.

At least we can have some control over that part of our future if we choose to and are strong enough. It is, after all, always our choice to gamble or not.

Thanks for your support in the past (and hopefully in the future.)

Take care

M

((((((((((((((Jas))))))))))))))))))

Just wanted to send you some hugs, you wil feel better soon girl, just go with the flow.

Thinking of you and P

Take care

love W xxxx

Hi Jas

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts.

Interesting comment you have made about the pain of the urge being less than the pain following a session. Makes so much sense and I'll keep that with me.

Thanks again.

Take care.

M

Hi Jas

You certainly have problems.Sounds to me like your sister is strong going to run the company behind the mask.She also knows you are strong as she asked you to talk her out of gambling. She must be so proud of you Jas as she actually knows how hard it is to stop.Its good you have eachother Stay strong Jas .All the best Jeff.

hi jas

im doing good day 8 now no urges so thats good i hope ur feeling better hope to see u in chat

wishing u well ....norma x

Hi Jas, read you latest post, thanks.

I've never had to cope with anything like your current C situation so cant even begin to imagine what you are going through.

I'm on Day 11 now somehow and finding myself posting more and more on diaries, guess I'm spending time on here which would have otherwise been spent gambling or studying for gambling!

Take care