This is the fourth attempt of a recovery diary I've tried on here.
Its a new year approaching and the last has been identical to the 13 before that.
I'm struggling to hold in my outpouring of emotion but this time I'm not going to.
What is done is exactly that. Done. Cannot change. Only look back over my shoulder at it as a reminder of what hell is like.
I am a hard working man and a great dad. A great dad with a massive flaw. Instead of giving my daughter hundreds of pounds a week for her fun, happiness and future I give it all away to bookmakers.
A dream inside a nightmare. The nightmare is reality and the dream is what fuels my obsession.
No more. 2015 HAS to be the year I start to BUILD a life for me and my daughter. One where she is priority and not my indulgence in gambling.
No more cheap days out and dinners because I've blown the lot. No more ignoring her questions because I'm glued to my phone watching the score of an obscure tennis match thousands of miles away.
This is not a new feeling and anger. Its matured for 14 years in me. But I've got lots more life ahead than I've had.
My daughter is 4. I'm 34.
Its in my hands to make this better.
I'm now excluded from every local bookmakers. And a total of 29 online bookmakers.
Xmas will be a hurdle as Im broke. I have to keep my home and get my daughters Xmas presents. Then its a mindset that I need to learn.
Gambling is wrong and does not fit into my life in any way.
I will not make targets or promises to myself as to how many times I come on here but I will try my best to make a journal of this. Starting not on the 1st of January but right this very moment.
Sorry to hear your pain mate but happy you wanting to give up for ever 1 day at a time.my daughter is nearly 4 and aint going through anymore of that c**P.:-( am 5 months off a bet today,its still very hard but just tell myself every morning.dont place that 1st bet or carnage and hell will begin.take care mate
Thanks Scott. I admire your achievement. That's incredible. I'd love in may to be saying that I have 5 months under my belt. Keep it up mate
welcome mate, i really hope everything works out for you this time, im early into my recovery also so lets hope we can both make 2015 a good year, all the best, david.
Day two of my new life. Been broke but Xmas is do-able. Its a simple equation.
Stop gambling - live happy.
Hi Nicky,
Well done on starting a recovery diary my friend. You are doing a very positive thing, which will improve your life and the lives of your family and friends. You CAN make the necessary changes to get back on track and put gambling behind you.
One day at a time you will feel stronger through staying strong and not giving in to those urges to gamble.
Take a little time to read this story, it makes sense no matter who you are!!
A Mayonnaise Jar and Two Beers
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 beers story.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked his students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook it lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes’.
The professor then produced 2 beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space. The students laughed. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions - and if everything else was lost and they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else - the small stuff.’
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room left for the pebbles or golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit your grandparents. Take time to get medical check- ups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposals. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities ... The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and enquired what the beer represented...
The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a couple of beers with a friend.’
Ade
Thanks Are
That little story makes so much sense.
I have made two positive steps today. A new bookies opened locally and I excluded without placing a bet.
I also looked online for new firms. I sent emails excluding myself.
I opened up to a close friend. One of only a handful of people remaining in my life and he agreed to take complete control of my finances.
I have a goal. To get through 2015 bet free ( the thought seems impossible) and getting to Disneyland Paris at Easter with my daughter.
Its simple. If I stay clear of gambling both goals will be met.
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