2nd chance at redemption

Hi

Hi

I was so filled with fear on walking in to the recovery program.I honestly thought that if I stopped gambling I would be happy.

The text and wording God or religion caused an unhealthy reaction in me.Then I was able to abstain from Gambling but that was not enough for me.

In time I got to pay back my debts and then found that I had certain unhealthy habits.Trying to get some thing for nothing or cheap.

Then the question why could I not put more time and effort in to my recovery.Fear and procrastination were not healthy for me.

In time I got to write down all of my fears and in time reduced those fears from 10 out of 10 to single numbers.

Then the question what are my needs my wants and my goals.

Then to have a healthy habit of writing down my daily lists so I could become more productive.In the old days I thought that advice given was by people trying to control me.

My own control issues indicated how inadequate and insecure I was in my self.The recovery program helped me become more motivated in healthy ways.

I use to do things reluctantly or resentfully, why do things and not feel good about it.In the recovery program I got to understand that I was not an evil or bad or stupid person.

I was how ever adversely affected by the pains suffering and traumas in my life.This trauma adversely affected my ability to learn or understand education.

In time I got to understand that my conscience told me that deep down I was a healthy good person. Working in the recovery program I would understand that I had become my own worst enemy.

The pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand. By working in the recovery program I would understand that my fears very much restricted me from having a full healthy life.

That my unhealthy fears very much restricted me from having healthy emotional intimate relationships with my self and with other people. By working on my recovery I would understand how much I needed to do to become a much healthier person.

The addictions and obsessions just indicated that I had certain emotional triggers. Pains caused an unhealthy reaction because I was not able to heal my pains.

Fears disabled me from being healthy and interactive with al people. My frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was in effect causing my self pains time and time again. Loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy.

Boredom because I was unable to fulfill my needs my wants or my goals.

What is success, some people might think it is being rich. Then one day it was explained that being successful is about having goals where we fulfill our needs our wants and our goals by our own healthy actions and words.

The money at one time was just the fuel for my addiction. Sadly just by taking away money from our person did not stop the feelings of wanting to escape when I was emotionally vulnerable.

I am a non religious person yet I am a much healthier spiritual person today. By working my recovery I am more caring and more loving.

By working my recovery I am more respectful of my self and other people. The recovery program helped me help my self become a much healthier productive person.

It is not possible for me to run away from my self. How much time and effort do I put in to my life today.

Am I able to give of my self unconditionally today with out any expectations of other people. Only when I love my self could I love other people.

Only when I respect my self could I respect other people. How much more time and effort am I willing to invest in to my self today.

I have been in recovery now over two thirds of my life.

I have now been clean from gambling for over 32 years in recovery.

I have now been clean from smoking over twenty years.

I have now been clean from drinking tea or coffee over twenty years.

I have now been clean from hating my self over twenty years.

What value do I put on my healthy life today.

Healing Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Well day 6 of no gambling, and the weekend flew by without any feelings of wanting to play slots. I did my usual 10.00 weekend football bet which I have never had a problem with.

For the most part it was a succesful weekend spending as less as I could to help the financial side of things. Now to try and complete the first full week!

Day 7

Yesterday I had slight temptations, however I quickly eradicated them. Unfortunately due to the sheer amount of websites I signed up to over the last few years I get text messages and emails everyday inviting me to play get free spins etc. The emails can sometimes be easy to get rid of by unsubscribing but the text messages not so.

The fight goes on good luck everyone 🙂

Day 8

Can't think of any urges I had yesterday which was great! Had a good day yesterday with lots to do at work so not many moments to get distractions or mind to wonder... 🙂 Tomorrow is payday Woop Woop. However that brings up 1 good thing and 1 bad thing.

On the good side it gives me a chance to pay off some of my debt

On the bad side it means I have a full bank account again which could be used to gamble...BUT IT WON'T!

The fight goes on, good luck everybody 🙂

Day 9

Today hasn't started the best to be honest. I have lots of feelings of guilt of what I have done and the mistakes I have made. :(. The mental toll it has taken on me in the last couple of years and how damaging it has not only been to me but relationships around me.

The urge to gamble slightly creeps back even though it is that very thing that brought these feelings in the first place. It is a vicious cycle. But it is one that needs to be broken, and it will be.

The fight goes on and good luck to everybody else :).

Day 10

Almost forgot to come on here...INTO THE DOUBLE FIGURES WOOOO

The urge today has been very low and I have had a much better day than yesterday. The weekdays were always the harder days for me and the days I was most likely to play slots. I was mostly fine on the weekend. I place my usual 10.00 pound football bets which I have never had a problem with.

The fight goes on and good luck to everyone 🙂

Day 13

The weekend flew by and the urge to gamble was very low which was great, there were 1 or 2 moments of boredom where my mind wondered, but other than that nothing!

I think when you are going through times of trying to stop, you notice the adverts etc even more, even with more and more bans on adverts in place there is still so much out there, and even the ones which are specifically advertising the limits you can put in place are kinda triggering just the voices, and animations they use.

Anyway 2 weeks tomorrow WHOOP!

The fight goes on and good luck everybody 🙂

Missed day 14 Whooops..... DAY 15

Over the 2 week mark now! Feeling great about that.

Was nice and busy with work yesterday so stopped me being distracted onwards and upwards to get another week under my belt!

The fight goes on and good luck everyone 🙂

Day 16

A few little temptations this afternoon. Inside my head I have little thoughts "Just a little flutter, a few spins to make the afternoon go quicker" Although they nearly take over for a split second my mind comes straight back here and staying straight!

The fight goes on and good luck everybody

Awesome job mate. You’ve done this before, you can smash it this time. Lessons learned are sometimes the best way to get through things. Take that experience and use it to your advantage. 

Congrats on approaching 3 weeks. Keep posting. It’s inspirational to read others stories.

Stay strong 💪 

@p6z38njbqm Thanks Fish for the nice message of encouragement 🙂 Yep 1 day at a time and never get ahead of that!

Day 17

Another week at work done with, which had the new of a payrise, which was a great bit of news and a mood booster. No urges to gamble today, there was small urges yesterday however I did what I usually do and stop and think about it. The best thing to do in those situations is to come on here and read other peoples stories/recoveries.

The fight goes on and good luck to everybody 🙂

Well done! So good to see someone else taking on the challenge and smashing it. Keep it up! 💪🏾 

Hi there.

Just wanted to say well done on your journey so far 👏👏👏. Keep up the good work. Those urges will become less and less the further you distance yourself from gambling 🙏.

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.