a new chapter

Getting through the tough weeks makes the decision to not gamble feel all the more important and feels so much better. You had the tough week and could've gambled but you didn't as that would've lead to a much worse week. Well done for resisting your doing brilliant and it's a pleasure to have you on the thread it feels so good to see people doing so well. Hope your relaxing this weekend - enjoy.

So..... I thought I was doing well... Thought that I could get through it.... But tonight I did what i think I thought was inevitable.... So I played £20 won £400 yep gussed it put that back in bit by bit then played another 120. s**t I dont have that money...! But bigger s**t I have taken a massive step back. Now for me 150 isn't a massive gamble the sad fact is that my worst session was 100x that yes seriously (after a big win and all!) although that was one time only and documented on here... It seems that I don't have the ability to walk away but guess I know that anyways. So disappointed in myself and hate the fact that I know that I shouldn't gamble yet I still do. Hate what I am and that I am not happy just being and that I Feel that I need something else to give me a sense of being alive. Hate the fact I am letting people down ( you know who u r) and mostly hate the fact I ever started on this sh*tty journey. If I could rewind my life I really would. But I can't. I want to think tomorrow is another day, fresh start and all but I have been there before and great for the first few weeks but seem to get complacent. Has anyone any advice. I can't hand over finances and I cant add a block (reasons other than me not wanting to). Does anyone know about the phone councillors - how long is each session? Cause I work most evenings I wonder if it will be difficult? I went to counselling a few months ago ( not about gambling) and it was ok but could make my hours up from my day job by staying late now I cant do that. Don't know what to do or think at the moment just feeling numb.

)

Good Morning Moving On.

Feel for you as i know that disbelief and numbness well. I think the phone session goes for as long as you want it and its always good to talk.

This is a real sly decieving enemy we're fighting. Its a blip and complacency becomes our enemy also as we need to stay on our toes and learn to respect and live with our compulsive nature. A counsellor's good as well and freebie viathis site. Put you forward and take care of your self.

Paul

Hi thank you. I just feel like crying, I've been so stupid. I hate this bloody thing yet it has such a control. Anyways time to brush myself off and keep up appearances....

Hey moving on,

Don't beat urself up...Slips happens and this disease has no stop button...

Get up, pull yourself together and start again, it's not a race, you do it for yourself, you might slip once or twice, but you will come back with more knowledge and armor by your side to make the right choices.

You can do it....Day at a time...Stay strong

Sandra x

Thanks Sandra, sometimes all you need is to know you are not alone and others know what u r going through... It means a lot to know I am not alone on this journey. Today I just feel sad at the time and effort I have wasted gambling not to mention the money, just seems like there are constant battles to face. You do your best to take ur mind of things then something crops up to remind you. Guess what the new girl at works last name is???? Gamble yep I now work with a gamble :-o. Anywaus day 2 done xx

Wow. needtomoveon I've just been reading through your last few posts... Really painful stuff and my heart goes out to you.

Believe me - you are not alone. Just like everyone on here, I have stumbled, fallen, abstained, gambled, abstained, stumbled etc etc. It is a never-ending loop that exhausts you completely - stripping you of your cash, relationships, self-worth and much more.

Today your pain is fresh and raw, and things seem almost unmanageable. But you can and will make it through the other side of this. What's done is done - it cannot be changed, all you can change is the future. Call up the gamcare line (they are excellent), keep posting on here, and try not to give yourself a hard time. Personally, I would recommend the counselling side to anyone; ideally, you can manage something around your work schedule. If not... well there comes a point when you just say 'my recovery has to come first' i.e. make it happen if you can.

All the best

D123

Hi There, pleased to say I have had a good day today, was working in London for an event which took my mind of things also begun to realise we all make mistakes and as long as we are honest to ourselves then we will keep moving forward. Yes I was gutted I had a relapse but I was gambling everyday before so I have come a long way. I am sad for my past but optimistic for my future! Moving on and up xx

Too true MovingOn,

We do indded make mistakes, we stumble dust ourselves down and get back up again. Yet always in one way or the other moving forward.

Just got to remember to mix living in with work. The key is getting that balance right of work, happy relationship, good friends whilst busy living.

Wishing you another good day

Hello Lyn,

Thank you very much for your kind post on my diary. You are doing really great, and as you say, sometimes it takes to fall few times to realize how much we want to break free. Past is past, you keep coming back, with more knowledge why you get urges, and you might not realize it, but you are much stronger and in much better position with yourself. Believe in yourself and be honest...it is the way forward

I send you all the strength possible, keep the fight going. You will come out the other end.

No regrets

Take care and have a lovely weekend

Sandra x

Had a good weekend. Kept myself busy both work and social! Tired tonight so gonna chill for a bit then bed. Busy week next week - putting in some extra hours before holiday so some long days ahead, but on the plus side less time to think about the dreaded G word 😉 xx

Hi there sorry to hear of your slip and sorry it's took a little while to post, time just got away from me this weekend. You seem to be stronger for it tho. You know you've done wrong and that, that certainly isn't the road to go down and that's a good thing. Make that slip another barrier against the world of gambling. Use it as a reminder that gambling offers nothing you want or need. Keep fighting and keep strong. Stick close to the site. Maybe talk to netline or phone line. It'll be tough for a little while but then you'll feel better and things will be moving in the right direction once more.

Hey Lyn,

Great positive post ! as you say keeping busy take our minds of that dreaded word:)

You doing great, keep strong and patient. It will get better...believe in yourself

Take care

Sandra x

Hi Lyn,

Hope all is well with you, and the update would be great.

Take care

Sandra x

Hi there. Hope your doing ok. Be good to hear from you. Stay strong and take care of yourself and if things get tough don't forget were all here for you - don't be a stranger.