Well I promised I’d start a diary in my initial post to keep me focused. Just over a week now since my last bet. I’m going to use this website as a tool to combat my urges which are still frequent. The nightmares I talked about in my introduction have seemed to stop and I am getting a full night’s sleep now which was a rare occurrence when I was fully in the grips of this awful addiction. It’s never too late to change and I am trying to feel more positive about the future. Early in the week I was looking back asking myself what have I done! Counting the loss, the some half million I had blown in the past. It’s odd when in the grips of CG I only seemed to remember the rare times I won or what I could win, I never stopped and added up the money I lost, it seems to go somewhere in the back of my mind it didn’t seem important, this dangerous switching off talent of mine that has allot to answer for but may be helpful in forgetting the past and keeping me positive and moving in my recovery. I think it’s a natural emotional survival response of CGs how we deal with reality of losing big. When gambling I lived in a fantasy world where I foolishly thought I could win back what I lost, hopefully I have had, and we have had that all important wakeup call now.
The past is the past, forwards not backwards. I am stronger now better now smarter now than I was in that than that old life I am going do it this time no relapses I am not going to let myself get beat by this thing.
Hello Irish Lad,i hope starting a diary on here becomes a big help to you,it has been a very big help to me over the last 11 months getting my thoughts and ramblings down in writing!!!,i notice from your post on the intro page that those FOBT's have had you in their grip,they weren't my gambling "drug of choice",however they have devastated the lives of a good number of other posters on the forum.I did start a thread on the "overcoming problem gambling" part of the forum which you may find interesting to read or add comments to.
Anyway,good luck on your journey:),i'm sure you will receive a lot of support on here.
Seano.
Hi Irish Lad and welcome to the diaries.
Like you, fobt's are like a drug to me and although I managed to avoid them like the plague for 9 months I allowed myself to get back into their world of promising loads and delivering little. I have decided in the last few days to get back on track. You are welcome to read through my diary as it may help to show how we must always stay alert to the dangers that they hold. All the best with your recovery. Keep reading and posting it really will help you.
I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP
Stumper
Week 2 and the battle rages on inside me like good versus evil, instead now the evil gambling urge stalks me like a pack of hyenas stalk a wounded animal on the African plains, waiting for my resolve to die before they all pile in and rip it to shreds. I cannot, will not let my addiction finish me off!. This addiction waits for the weak moments and the next thing you know you are in deep and chasing. Got to keep strong keep clean get some distance between me and those hyenas!
First month clean. On the whole I feel allot better, the urges are still there but have been controlled, to be honest it has not been easy I have been experiencing withdrawal symptoms such as mood swings, weird behaviour and depression. My goal at the minute is to make 2011 a gamble free year and see where I am then, will keep you all posted thanks everyone for your support it has made this personal battle all the more easier.
A month without gambling is a great achievement of which you should be proud. Mood swings and urges are part and parcel of giving up mate but things do get easier.
Keep reading and posting but most of all keep on doing what you are doing as it is working well for you.
All the best
Stumper
Month 2 gamble free.
Well done irish lad keep it up. Im on 11weeks gamble free, and I honestly think its starting to get easier. Not many urges anymore and its so nice having money 🙂
Month 3 gamble free
Month 4 gamble free
Month 5 clear
That's superb mate. It sounded pretty tough at first but you're still hanging on on there. Good on you.
5 Months strong, congratulations keep it up, it'll all be worth it.
im an irish lad meself figting the same rotten addiction , keep it up
tom
Thanks everyone for your support I will keep posting every month, I choose not to read or post too much because I don't feel ready to think about gambling too much, I want to clear my mind from it. I understand that stress leading to escapism and thinking about gambling trigger my relapses and I don't want to end back at square one, this is the longest I have ever quit and have too much to lose. Yes I still get the urges and they are fairly severe at times but I have a better understanding the nature of this addiction for me now and am sticking to the cold turkey approach as I am still a long way from cured.
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