a new way of thinking

liz im so dam proud of u hun i know what u mean by not having that awefull feeling stay strong were gunna beat this dreaded illness xxxxxx

Well done on completing a whole week which is usually the hardest.

Now treat yourself to something little!

GT

Morning

thanks hotdog and gt i treated myself and the boys to a take away last night which is a real treat for us as i cant usually afford it.

i have got up this morning with abit of a dark cloud i think the realisation of how much ive wasted is starting to hit home.I know you should not try to dwell on whats gone but i still feel guilty as i could have spent it on the boys and i didnt like i said to my mum if id spent £400 on a handbag at least id have something to show for it and something to sell to recoup abit.

im angry with myself today i live from payday to payday as it is money is always tight and i struggle every week but im not gambling so it can only get abit easier.

bit of a rant today stay strong .x

awe liz ure gunna have dark days hun thats the demons trying 2 make u fail dont let them .am pleased u had a takeaway there be lots more pleausures coming your way in future and stay strong ure doing so so well day 24 for me im hoping i may zzz better 2nite i do much thinking bout past as well we have 2 find a way of forgetting past not easy i know anyway have a fab day xx

Hi Elizabeth thanks for the post and advice to pay off the cc, think that you are right and it would make a fresh start, I could burn the evidence lol.

Just been reading your diary and know exactly what you mean about that sick feeling, after you lose, or after you win and put it all back. My main problem was the slot machines, I excluded about 5 years ago from the local ones but can still access the ones at the local bingo, and a few weeks ago I tried the online slots and that is where the cc bill came from, o*g the money just goes and it doesn't seem real, just press a few keys and away you go, £100 after £100.

You sound like you are doing really well, I have been on here a couple of times before and go my gambling under control but it has a habit of creeping back up on me.

Stay strong, Juliette

Spent most of today going through my finanices god what a mess im really not sure what im going to do i have to pay my mum back £500 she lent me as i gambled my childcare money and pay my childcare end of this month.i can barely pay my everyday bills let alone my debts.

god im so f*****g cross with myself today how the hell could ive have been so bloody stupid and with christmas round the corner its going to be bloody tight.I HATE GAMBLING.

Gd evening liz,wots done is done,stop beating yourself up,you've moved on,no more negative thinking. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can,and have the wisdom to know the difference. Keep your P****r up liz,you're doin brilliantly. CL.

Thanks charmed.After feeling cross allday yesterday over how the hell im going to pay everything this month i still feel quite down but i just have to except that not everything will get done this month and im just going to have to deal with one bill at a time.As my money tree at the bottom of the garden isnt working lol.

Well the start of another week and gamble free weekend.

This time next week i will be forty and i think most of the way i feel at the moment is that i never expected to find myself in this position at 40 on my own struggling to make ends meet etc,gambling has alot to answer for but it wasnt the only problem in my life.Im quite happy to put my hands up and admit my mistakes in life its just a shame other ppl wont.

stay strong.x

Iv just spent the last hour while little one was having a nap reading through diaries trying to take some inspiration from them.ive just read my first posts on the new members intro forum and reading the replys from james P boy that man can write it still makes me well up.

Trying to think where my problems originate from money has always been an issue for me .

If i have £30 in my pocket it always worries me its not enough [even if it is]which is really a contradication in its self as i wouldt think twice about gambling at least half to try and make some more.I like alot of ppl come from a single parent family my mum worked all hrs god sent to provide for us but there was never any spare money not that that was a problem i didnt have a bad childhood was feed,clothed and loved.

ive won decent amounts playing slots over the years withdrawn it and used it to pay bills treat the boys etc so where did it start that what i won had to go back in is it greed?

I completly understand the chaseing losses until your skint but why couldnt i take the £300 id won off £25 instead of wasting it all?

once again ive asked more questions than anwsered .

I know what my stresses are and what sets me off i just cant work out why i cant stop or withdraw winnings.

stay strong.x

hi i know what u mean about being 40 and being in postion ure in but hey hun im 51 and in same postion so u got an 11 year head start on me PLEASE DONT WASTE THE CHANCE U HAVE ure doing really well hugs hotdog xxx

Liz, I have asked myself that question hundreds of times, I think the answer is greed, that however big you win you tell yourself you are on a lucky streak and keep going, some days I have taken 500 pounds in coins, had it changed into £20 notes and then fed it all back in, o*g how sick does that make you feel. I really understand what you mean. I remember one day about 5 years ago I was in another town nearby and went into the Bingo there, I played the machines and took 3 £500 jackpots out one after the other, couldn't believe it, I had then £1,500 in notes and went home, oh the joy of it, but the very next day I went into our town and lost the bloody lot, what an idiot. Here is something that I believe, the past is history, the future is a mystery, and the present is a gift, you cant change the past, cause its gone, you cant change the future cause its not here, but you can change the present, and that is your gift, grab it and keep going, keep strong.

Thanks juliette

Greed is the only anwser i can come up with which i find strange as im not materialistic never have been good job really as now i have no money lol.

Well back to work today not feeling to bad still quite down about financies as i dont really know which way to turn.

I have a week off next week which im dreading but also i get to spend some real time with my babies who im sure can keep me occupied its really the evenings when they are in bed and im on my own that worries me.

Also feel its alot easier to give advice and support to others well it always is isnt it because if you look at yourself it hurts.

Trying to stay strong.x

Hello E40,

'Also feel its alot easier to give advice and support to others well it always is isnt it because if you look at yourself it hurts.'

Very true. and I'm going to do the same to you. Don't beat yourself up about the losses in the past; you've got two lovely kids, finances are hard but you'll get by, sooner or later you'll see improvements. Now I'll imagine you're saying that to me, since I'm doing the same.

As for the smoking...there's nothing worse than a holier-than-thou ex-smoker, and I wouldn't condescend to give you any advice on the actual health side (I stopped in May). However, I must point out that the money you save from stopping soon builds up - one month of 10 cigs a day = £100, which is a couple of decent Christmas pressies. I'm not a purist, I'm afraid, I've smoked a grand total of 14 cigs in 5 and a half months, most with my brother when he's come up to visit, but I haven't paid for any!

Stay strong

Thanks mm

i know i shouldnt keep harping on about money but im trying to work out what to do for the best,

like milkman im on minimum wage working part time im not afraid of hardwork and would work all hrs if it wasnt for the cost of childcare as once ive paid out extra childcare and petrol it actually costs me to go to work.My mum does what she can when she can.

So if anyone knows of any way to earn extra without costing me i would be grateful for any ideas.x

Keep your chin up Liz, finances will sort themselves out, trouble is it is a slow process and we gamblers like a quick fix, it will work out, as you say it is always easy to say but difficult to do. Ways to improve your income, well not sure about that, dont know how old your babies are, expect it would be something you could do from home, will keep my thinking cap on for you, stay strong girl