a new way of thinking

Hi girls and guys,

Thankou for all the great messages of support:0)

Things going well with the new job have been working full time hrs the last couple of weeks,until the new girl starts and we job share im bloody tired i forgot what full time hrs were like.But on the up side the extra money has given me the chance to catch up on bills and for the first time ever get in front before my hrs go back down to part time.So full time money still skint as have just been paying it out as soon as i get it lol.

Feeling abit down today as have been arguing with the ex about amount of time he is not spending with the kids and as anyone who reads my diary knows he has a knack of sending me into

the mood that makes me want to gamble.I understand he is busy running his empire but LO dosent understand that and is constatnly asking me when can we go and see daddy or is coming round,what am i supposed to say to him,i make the best excuses i can as i wont S*** him off to the kids but i dont seem to be able to make him understand his son misses him.Makes me even crosser when people like wp are fighting to see their kids and cant.

Anyway moan over,this girl wont be gambling today or tomorrow or the next.

Staying Strong but cross lol.

L xx

hey hun...

Good to see you...

spew it all out on here ...dont let it fester....and you did the right thing writing...

keep posting and im made up the job is suiting you and that you are doing well and in the driving seat.

hugs and big massive (((()))) hugs

Stay strong as I know you will do Libby

R and D xxx

Hi E,

Have been off scene for few weeks.......small slip but am back with a vengance now!

So so so happy to hear that things going well for you.....bout bloody time eh?

Hugs Sue xxxx

Thankyou Rach and Sue.

You got it right there sue it is about time but then again dont we make our own destiny.like ive said before its all very well sitting on my backside talking about what im going to do i actually have to do it.:0)

Ive got through the feeling sorry for myself oh how my life is so hard etc and now its time to stand up to the plate and turn my life round in a way that benefits me and the boys and ive started doing that now,it will still take some time to get where i want to be but like stopping gambling baby steps will get me there.

As for the ex and the kids well what can i do theres no point in getting cross its a waste of energy,energy i can be using to move foward.i still have the odd thought about gambling and although when i was at rock bottom and first starting this journey i missed it consumed by thoughts of what if i log in and get that big win or if i play now it could be me...... but i dont actually miss it anymore its not a part of my life,i spend more time with my kids and get more stuff done.Its not just the money you lose,i never realised how much of my time was taken up by gambling and not just the time spent gambling but the time i spent being coss and worrying and the hrs spent coming up with cr** excuses and lies.

With the worry and feelings of sickness etc gone i sleep better,which means im better tempered have more energy to work and play and move forward with my life.

Staying Strong

L xx

hiya Libby.

Yes hun your right about stuff taking time ...

on the ex factor I was over him pretty quick...it was just the aftermath of the situation that I couldnt get over.

I have always mananged to bounce back pretty quick in the past but this one was embroilled too many other areas of my life that were affected .

Like you im soldiering on and its coming up near on a year now since meltdown central ...its taken that long but maybe thats still quick.

I am so glad that all those horrible feelings for you have gone now and in the main and that you have new horizons to focus on...i guess you will always be tested by the kids dad in some way or another but you are the phoniex that rose out of the ashes remember?....

Reborrn ...and those cubs are going to turn out fantastic..I know.

Any romances on the horizon for Simba?

R and D xx.

hi, do you rembember me, i sent u messages when you first came on here, i registered on here the same day as you but my journey only lasted 8 days 🙁 glad seeing your doing well, im not unfortuatley, i was so happy to still see u here, i dont know how youve manage to go so long, you've helped to make me see it is possible i just have to try again, thank you liz,

Mike x

Thanks Ade,

Mikey i've posted on your diary on new members.

Have only been posting every now and again but feel like ive been missing something not posting on my diary more regularly,suppose it became such a large part of my daily routine,it was almost another addiction to break lol but better this than the other.

Although things are going good for me i have noticed a few "£20 wont hurt" thoughts creeping in nothing that has stayed or been hard to bat away but the fact they are there is enough for me to be on my guard.

I actually found myself watching an ad the other night which is weird as normally i ignore them or turn over,didnt rush to my computer or anything but the fact i watched it was a strange feeling ...odd.

Weird how the brain works, nothing for eons then three or four urges in 24hrs,putting it down to bad weather and hormones :0)

ramble over!!!!

Staying Strong

L xx

Evening.

Just noticed in four days time it will be a year since i joined this forum,unfortunately not a gamble free year as 2/3 slips ruined that but compared to what i was doing before i joined here it feels alot longer since my last gamble.

All my gambling was done online to this day ive never set foot in a bookies or casino,i suppose to me it shows how shameful i found it knowing i had a problem and continuing to destroy myself.also you dont need to go out and explain where youve been etc, gambling online is just to easy to access and easy to hide from those you love.Its about time plums in charge stepped up to the plate and did something about it.

Staying Strong

L xx

hey Libs...also thinking of time lines today and how xmas will be a big milestone.

You've come so far in recovery and looking back to your thoughts...seriously i think sometimes we do have times when out protective veil between the right path and the thorny one is lowered...BUT..you didnt act on those thoughts and that is all that matters.

You have awareness now and are conscious of the consequences but more so,...you have tonnnes more going on in your life now thats really positive .

bug hugs and you stepped up to the plate....high 5 hun as both wearing our balls ...on the outside now...yeahhhh!!!..need bigger pants!!

lol xx

R and D xx

Hey Libs,

ps...so its YOU thats started the craze of wearing jeans pulled down round the a** .... ; )

Keep wearing the family jewels on the outside ..he he he

Thanks for your post hun..

its 3.30am just gone....cant sleep....ite me huge glands..lol.....time for the shipping forecast xxx

R and D xx

Hi Libby,

Had trouble finding you hun! languishing on page 4 I think, so you are bumped up top again now hinny. I love the word hinny, ages since I've used it....a real miners community word up Norfff.

Anyways, thanks for your post. I had to stop posting for a while, because I have felt so drained lately. P*ssin* against the wind really takes it out of you. I know you have that particular t-shirt.

2-3 episodes of gambling compared to hundreds as it was in the past, is bloody fantastic! HIGH FIVE!!!!!

I hope things are going more your way, as I remember a month or two back it seemed relentless for you. Isn't it a buzz realising how strong you are though? my lil warrior princess!

We won't let anything beat us eh? because we deserve better days ahead! and we deserve to be happy and strong in the face of beaurocracy and bullsheet!

Take care,

f x

Thankyou two of my fave ladies :0)

Havent posted much lately but still have a read everyday and reply to some diaries.

Alls good with me,work going well both boys are well gggggggreat,especially eldest golfball who has settled into year 10 with maturity beyond his years and getting great feedback from his teachers im so proud of him.

Have noticed the amount of emails from casinos in my spam box and feel like im being bombared with the f*****g things i delete straight away and have no intention of joining any but god these people are relentless.

Even heard a guy on radio 1 the other morning phoned up for a comp or something and was depressed because his g/f had got him hooked on online bingo and he'd lost money they tryed to make light of it but you could tell from his tone it was worse than he was saying then they changed the subject.It seems to be everywhere.

Rant over lol.

Staying Strong

L xx

hey Libby

You sound in great spirits ...like your posts are lighter and I can picture you smiling...;0)

Keep strong and sincerest wishes and my best to you lovely.

R and D xxx

Thanks Rach and dot

Your right i am starting to feel lighter and i smile and laugh abit more than i used to,difference is im feeling better on the inside not just pretending to be happy,life is still a struggle being a single mum with the way prices of EVERYTHING rocketing but struggle or not as long as i dont gamble again we will be ok.

This time last year i was at a very low and dark place not sure if i could fight my way out but im still here and still fighting so no more self doubt,dont know if its because its been about a year since i joined this site and doing something about my addiction but ive been having alot of going over what ifs,what if i hadnt spent all that money,what if i hadnt gambled would i still be in my relationship,what if what if what if ,i know it dosent get me anywhere and dosent really depress me its just going round in my head at times.I suppose its normal around important anniversary's, i turn 41 next week (boohoo)all i know is this time last year i was in a very different place.

Staying Strong

L xx

Hi Elizabeth

Just wanted to say well done on still going strong, its natural for things to go round in your head with that what ifs....I have done the same.

You started around the same time as I did and I dont come here very often anymore but its great to still see some familiar faces doing so well its a great achievement and you should be really proud of yourself 🙂

Best Wishes

Andrew xx