a new way of thinking

Hi Elizabeth

Hope your feeling better soon not much fun being in pain.

Glad you enjoyed your weekend at your brothers. You can acheive that wish keep working hard at it and stay strong, focused and determined and that wish can become a reality.

Best Wishes

Andrew

Thankyou apg

still in alot of pain although swelling starting to go down.

Back to work today oh joy no gambling thoughts to tired and in to much pain to even think about it.

Hope everyone is well.

Stay strong.x

Hello Liz, hope the antibiotics are kicking in for the tooth, at least if in pain it stops the gambling gremlins, keep strong, hope tomorrow you feeling better, big HUG

I have taken the day off work today another night with no sleep just counldnt cope with it,need the money but sometimes health comes first.

In the past not being able to sleep has been a cause of my gambling but although in pain it didnt even occur to me the last couple of nights,after my lapse last week i was so disappointed in myself it made me finally realise that i cant and dont want to live my life with the sort of roller coaster of feelings that gambling makes you feel its not fair on those you love and live with and its not good for me/you. Its almost like being bipolar great highs and great lows.

I obviously made a decision a while ago to stop gambling but i think the lapse has made me stronger in breaking the habits of the last 5 years and realising that if bills need to be paid even if i havent got it just phone them and make arrangements not try to pay the whole lot on the spin of some machine and lose the lot.

stay strong.x

Hi Elizabeth, hope your feeling better soon, money is important, but your health is always number 1.

well done on abstaining the last few days, it would be very easy when not sleeping to flick on the computer and kill some time (and kill your finances).

you comment on the bills is so true, the gambler in us believes we can win enough to pay them, the non gambler (which is getting stronger) knows we need to face reality and make suitable arrangement.

Keep strong you are doing great.

Hi Liz, do hope that you are feeling better, toothache is one of the worst pains there is, hope the pain killers are working.

Pleased that you are doing so well, I can relate to what you say about the bills too, the gambler thinks that they will get enough to pay the bill and end up losing what they had towards it, I am sure in this financial climate that companies will come to some arrangement with you when you contact them.

Hope you have a good day, and that pain is better. Hugs

Hi everyone and diary

Feeling alot better now i dont have a golf ball sticking out of my face.Had a good nights sleep thankgod.

Im staying away from the gambling and for the first time in a long time starting to feel like me again.Going into town tomorrow and treating the kids that feels good and all because ive acted as i should a grown up.

stay strong.x

Hi Elizabeth

Glad your feeling better and staying gamble free. Its amazing what we find to do when we dont gamble.

You sound much more positive, Keep up the great work and enjoy treating your children tomorrow

Andrew x x

Back from shopping im skint but i have two happy boys and im a happy mummy boys treated, bills paid,food in the fridge and no money left but its a better feeling than not having any money through gambling.

While i was in town i walked past a bookies and the door was open not my thing never been in one even had to google FOBT because i didnt know what it was.There were a group of young lads round a machine im assuming it was a fobt and all i could think was how many of them will end up on a forum like this and how long will it take for them to realise what they are doing.Also had a look at the new members posts the amount of new people on over the friday night sat morning was really quite scary as we all know this seems to be an esculating problem and the millionaires in charge of our country dont seem to have a clue or care as long as they are getting their taxes.Something needs to be done even though im excluded and have blocks im still getting emails from casinos etc.

Off for the evening soon with the ex and kids for fireworks night cant wait to stand in the cold and drizzle trying to keep my 2 year old under control oh well should be fun.

Stay strong.x

Hi Elizabeth.

Read pretty much the whole of your diary and good to see how positive you are. I know from your posts that are definitely going to beat this addiction without any shadow of doubt.

I can really emphasise with you regarding legislation of gambling. Of course it would be great for us to not have legal gambling in our faces but unfortunately 99% of people who gamble can control it or just do it for leisure. We're the 1% who make the business worthwhile to capitalist bstards who run the whole gig. I'm not arguing with you, i would love gambling to be made illegal just in the same way i would like the purchasing of tobacco made illegal and then i really could give that up too!!

Well done in your recovery so far and so good to see the help and advice you give to others. All the best in your future recovery

Keith

Thanks keith

I know your not arguing with me hun.

Had a great night at the fireworks everyone one was on good form and it was nice to see some people i havent seen since i split with my ex.

Another night with no gambling not that i have any money anyway but im feeling good about the furture and over the last week some of the dark clouds that have been hanging over me are starting to clear maybe its because im finally starting to except that what i did in the past including the lies,deceit,pain and hurt i caused are just that in the past.

Its amazing how being honest,paying back what i owe to family and paying the bills makes you feel.Instead of trying to avoid eye contact with friends and family and trying to avoid requests from the kids to go somewhere or buy something.

Im still on the beginning of a long battle and the urges are still there but like ive said before i dont wont to feel that gut churning sick feeling again i havent had it for a while even when i had a slip i didnt feel sick as i stopped before i lost everything but i did feel angry and stupid.

IM RECLAIMING MY LIFE BACK AND IT FEELS GOOD.

Stay strong.x

Hello Elizabeth.. and thanks for your support. Yes i think your right. I will do the run. I do have the money I just need to not spend much between now and then. Like you suggest, its always good to have something to look forward to.

Anyway i just been reading some of your entries. I see that youve had a tough time of it recently. Well done for getting back on the recovery wagon straight away after your slip. I know how hard that is to do. Ive been there many times.

Although our lifes are different I think we are quite similar in how we react to things.. being overly hard on self being one of them. The pain thing being another. I go to pieces with any sort of pain.. back pain, tooth pain, head pain, emotional pain on it goes. Sometimes i wish i was a strong, tough extrovert.. but am not.. and thats just the way it is.

Also like you say, being able to pay ones way does feel so much better than having to beg, borrow, lie etc etc. Dignity and self-respect soon return. All the best in your on-going journey. The big 40 fast approaches for me to.. life begins at.. and all that.. S.A 🙂

Hi... just read youyr reply to me... thanks. If you want to put your gambling into context, have a read of the info Ade has put in his diary.. the dopamine fix etc. Cheers for now.. S.A 🙂

Thanks SA

I have read the post on ade diary i think its on another one aswell but cant remember whos.

Although it goes some way to explain why we need the fix i still feel that it was my choice to press the deposit button and it is me who has to except responsability for that.

In my frst posts i mentioned i was very much into the rave scene so i know quite abit about chemical reactions to the brain lol.

But although i loved the feeling i was never addicted i didnt do it everyday and i gave it up as soon as my stepson moved in with us when i was about 21 no problems and i have never missed it.Do i go looking for a dopamine fix???? No i dont think i do, i go looking for a way to escape and try and make more money Greedy?????No i just wanted a quick fix to money problems it didnt start like that but as we all know thats how it ends.

Although the stages of a gambler look very familiar.

Have a good evening everyone.

stay strong.x

cr** day today been to the dentist had 2 teeth out, LO has a rotten cold so im not in the mood to do anything today.

As for gambling really not in the mood to even give it the time of day.

Stay strong.x