A year wasted.

Just worked it out. From now until new year will have me at 69 days GF... What a great way to start the new year. Bring it on. I am scared but excited as I am determined things have to change. I really want a new start and it's only my actions standing in the way of that. I know it will be a test, a couple of milestone birthdays coming up in the family which will see me skint and will test me.

Hi you have been through so much and even though probably don't feel like it go easy on yourself, everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. I can tell you're more determined than ever so go for it! We're all 100% with you. I find checking in everydayhere is a great help and just focusing on making it to bedtime without gambling. Best wishes and hugs S:)

First real urges tonight, flashing visions of clicking Dorothy shoes trying to lure me in. I must admit rather than run from the thoughts, I have faced them head on and reminded myself this is not the life I want. The urges have passed. Today I haven't and won't gamble.

Well done for passing the test tonight.

Proving that you’ve resisted the temptation of gambling will give you great confidence going forward.

We’re almost at double figures!

So many times I’ve looked at others who are in double figures and wished I was there myself.

Soon it’ll be our turn.

Let’s keep ticking off these short term targets 🙂

Yes Moorey won't be long, let's aim for 14 days and then beyond. I'm feeling strangely calm, not thinking about money or lack off it, or doing overtime or selling items to lessen the guilt of money spent. Blimey I have gambled for so many years I have forgot how nice normal is.

Isn't it great!? 🙂

It's exactly how life SHOULD be. But Compulsive gamblers, like ourselves, rarely experience these periods of normality because we're only ever a few hours away from our next roller coaster ride of emotions.

I've had a few urges over the last 9 days but generally I've really enjoyed coming home from work and not feeling guilty about gambling away money that I know I can't afford. Going to bed with a clear head and waking up feeling positive about the day rather than trying to put on a brave front for work.

These are the good times. Let's ride the train of normality....

Good on you for riding the urges, not easy but you know they will pass and nothing good can come from giving in. I second Moorey normal is good. Paying bills, doing a decent food shop and waking up guilt free. Take care S:)

Flipping lethal those red shoes Katiecoo. Although I've never played it I know exactly where you're coming from, only in my case, as I've said before its a pesky leprechaun and pots of gold or stars. I just can't allow myself to think about them because if I do the urges become stronger. It galls me the fact that I was caught me hook, line and sinker.
I can't keep running back to them. I have to tell myself that when I play I have short term happiness that ALWAYS leads to long term unhappiness.
All good wishes, stay strong, keep blocks in place.
LML x

No urges today to gamble, will be working late which is a blessing as I will pretty much hit bed when I get home.
Just sitting thinking on what drives me to gamble. It definitely has been a mixture of anxiety and trying to escape it. Putting myself on a sandwich budget, isn't distressing. It's a relief, I know my bills are going to be paid and I don't need to check my account as the normal 10 pounds here and there on unnecessary spending, never mind gambling activity, is not leaving so there is no movement and no need to check.

I know what Dorothy's Shoes and Glindas bubble are, they don't lead to the wizard and the main wish he dealt out was debt. All the different games can hook you in especially if you saw them a lot, you liked the film so you liked the slot but didn't realise we were getting hypnotised and hooked to playing it for hours chasing bonuses and clicking shoes. Realise what they are what there designed to do and the devastation they cause, stay away. Stay GF.

Double figures today...:) Next step is end of November. Gone pretty quick to be fair as I don't want to gamble no more. I am under no illusion though that the demon lurks. I will never be cured, I am a gambler in remission. I can life with remission !

Flip me. What a trigger. Just wrapping the kids Xmas presents and remembered a big win I had last November...swiftly also remembered however how the site had every penny back within 3 weeks!!!! Today I will not gamble!!!..hate these urges but I am not a defeatist.

Keep going Katie! These triggers and urges will come and go. Almost as predictable as night following day.....

But the important thing is how we deal with them. So long as the end result isn't you gambling, then you've won the round. It's as simple as that.

A post before my night shift. Felt vulnerable today, but am determined to give peace a chance. Been reading some inspirational diaries, some of them were started at the same time I came on here last year. I could have had the same number on my day count. Determined that I will get to this place also. For all those people who are winning the fight, I am so proud for you, your strength and courage is inspiring to read.

A really testing nightshift, the closest I have got to gambling yet. I didn't gamble as I stopped myself. What stopped me? I don't know that answer. I know what should've stop me .... every time I gamble I cheat my family, I accumulate debt, I feel emotionally insecure, but last night none of these thoughts were at the forefront of my mind, in my gambling brain they were all after thoughts. Hopefully during this process the mist will clear.