Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Morning diary.

Well fantastic to see Flagg pass through the year gamble free mark, as i said a great foundation to build on. So to add to Steve this week this gives me great heart that together we are winning the war.

Also great to see Chicago get to 90days abstinence, a period in recovery were the lights for me seemed to turn on, show me there is a life outside gambling. To boot if you need a pick up some further inspiring please check out Chicago's thread in the introductions section. Outstanding!!!

As it is said many times today is the most important day, the day that counts above all others it is truly great and worthy of celebrating milestones.

I today through this can question, is recovery enough???

My answer yes recovery is the key to our future. We cannot change the past, but without doubt with each days abstinence we give ourselves the best chance, better than any winners at any price to live a better life.

It is and will be a good day to celebrate our success today

just for today.

To look in the mirror, smile at what looks back and say, morning fella, lets be a winner today.

It's there, me i take it with both hands and thank you all for sharing and bettering our tomorrow.

No bet today. The streak continues.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Mr mac,

thank you so much for your post, it had a real calming effect on me and came just at the right time.

Today I believe, and tomorrow i will believe also, thats good enough for me.

Take care , keep inspiring.

Hounoured to call you my gamcare friend.

Blondie

Morning Sir,

A very big thank you from me to you for all your support since I joined this site. Looking through my posts on Monday was a real pick me up as there were so many who I have walked alongside from my first day here. Inspiring others is an amazing bi-product to our abstinence and I hope we can both continue our winning streaks and each day pull each other forward.

I have said it many times but your journey continues to be a benchmark for me. The zest for recovery, the way in which you now attack life, it is all a real tonic for me. I thank you wholeheartedly.

Flagg

Hi Duncan

Well done on your long period of abstinence and thanks for your post. I have replied on my own diary.

Afternoon diary.

Well the forum does always give a fella food for thought, todays came courtesy of an interesting post from captain.

His take on trying to eliminate just random gambling got the old cogs turning. In my gambling life what was the gambling i studied?? Well with total honesty none, i would lose concentration, focus very very rapidly through all forms which i gambled. From standing in the cue in a shop to buy a paper where i would buy scratch cards, firstly with the change in my pockets then i would be buying a newspaper with a note and the rest would go on scrathcards, with irony i cannot remember ever winning more than twenty quid!!did i cash it in, you guessed it more cards!! This would repeat itself in the bookies any wins would just re produce themselves into gambling tokens, any wins would cloud all my judgements, and then the chase would incur. Take me to a pub, i would know many fruit machines special light features, the old guaranteed jackpot, again i may double this up, would i walk away?? Rarely, more often than not i would just keep loading it in, funny i remember when the note slot became available on machines brilliant no need to return to the bar!! Just one pint and you could stand at a machine and empty the old wallet!! And i wonder why they never paid out in notes!!!!

So my conclusion at my trip down memory lane, i would at most points through all my forms of gambling find myself winning but like all of us, the common denominater i could not stop. The money always turned simply to fuel. To boot without doubt my addiction needed feeding with higher stakes as i progressed through my gambling years so i saw 1 pound spins turn 100 fold.

So for me and i state this is bespoke, tailored to the individual. The answer is total abstinence. For me to get a harness on my addiction, to go from living life being controlled by addiction or live life in control of my addiction.

So each day through the knowledge given to me through arresting my addiction i make a choice that without doubt enhances my life in every aspect.

No bet today. And the thing my addiction made me think i was chasing for twenty years is my reward.

A place in the winners enclosure.

My thanks to you gamcare for again re instilling my resolve to make the best choice for me.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs,

Well said, interestingly we were discussing the chart of a compulsive gambling and recovery last night in group class. I told my story like I have before, but I tell it in a different manner now. I now understand what this addiction did to me, and now I understand the "Winning Phase", the "Losing Phase", the 'Desperation Phase, of a compulsive gambler. And like you said, it wasn't about winning, for me it was, me getting my fix, my drug so to speak. I shared with everyone in the class last night that in my chasing days, it didn't matter if i won, I kept chasing the high. I won a jackpot of 4k in the my chasing phase and put it all back in to leave with nothing, like I explained to everyone, winning didn't matter, it was being in the action and getting my drug. I just wanted to share that with you, I see so much wisdom in your recovery and words that you use, that I hear my therapist repeating. Once you stop and understand this addiction and learn how to abstain from it, then you will truly take your life back. So much congrats to you and your new life you have fought to take back.

Chicagoguy

Evening diary.

Thanks Chicago i can see my friend we are singing from the same hymn sheet. Our quest to ensure we do reap all the benefits we can through abstinence.

Today i managed to log on earlier and top up my resolve through reading and posting, something i do truly today enjoy.

Enjoyment is top of my mind today. Following on from yesterdays post were i relived those moments where the ever decreasing circle of addiction did send my life spiraling out of control.

The polar opposite for me gets delivered through recovery.will it stop becoming enjoyable, what keeping our money??? Not giving it up to chance?? NO CHANCE!!!

Through abstinence i did go through a period of re training my addled brain, my attitude to money, those blocks so helpful in putting distance between you and that first and worst bet. But don't be fooled, you have to want it, i really wanted it, gambling broke me, without doubt it took total charge of every waking moment and did become a living nightmare. No respite, a vortex of terror all my own making.

Today recovery is enjoyable, through retraining i am learning life does not need to be rushed, patience is a good thing, i also have found money does come with this, wanting can be healthy, but planning is equally enjoyable, also some things that come for free are equally enjoyable, time, tonight i found time to wander down the local park with my two boys and watch the local side play football, a re arranged game through all that terrible weather we had, the game finished 1-1 a fair result and me and my two lads had a great laugh for an hour and a half, it cost us a 57 pence half price bar of chocolate.now home to watch the darts.

Will the enjoyment stop?? Yes there will be sh#t days but they will be outweighed by the good.

So i conclude that once again a choice to better my tomorrow by a choice today again made me a winner.

And had those x rays on the knees will find out the damage next week.

Happy days no bet today

Duncs stepping forward never back.

With recovery those disparate times are long gone.

Hi Duncs,

I love reading your posts. Just got in from a very long and tiring day and thought I would check in because tonight is typically the hardest night to get through -- my payday weekend begins tonight. Reading your post was just the lift that I needed. I know I need to take it easy and in small steps ODAT but, I think this is my year Duncs. This is the one I tell gambling good freaking riddance!! Thanks friend. -joan

Hi Duncanmate,

Thanks for your message of support. You are a true man as you re trying to make life better for you and your family through recovery. This may sound so easy right, well after gambling so long compulsively, not easy at all. I know this myself gambling compulsively after 13 years. I have been only 9 days clean now and still having urges but, and this is a big but, I can think clearer. Accepting is the base of everything as they say, until this occasion I never accepted that I was a CG. I thought it was shame and incompetence to accept it. Also I always found posting in this forum very difficult and unnecessary as English is my second language. But I was wrong. Acceptance and interaction with fellow forum members like yourself is proving to be very useful to my recovery. I know that I have a long way to go but that's a good start be abstained. Controlled gambling never worked for me as I always lost it somewhere along the way after a short while after started gambling. Anyways I am rambling now but what I know is myfriend staying in recovery is one of the hardest thing for addicted people and u have been doing this for the last 14 months or so. For this reason and many others I am congratulating you and wish you and your family best of everything.

Take care friend,

Ergos

Yo,

Thank you for your post .

I think you are right in everything you say .

Obviously I agree with the abstain and maintain mentally as far as gambling is concerned .

Think it's difficult to create balance in some of my other addictions .

But one things for sure I will not give up trying .

With guys like you , Flagg and SA leading the way , sure I will get there in the end .

Enjoy your weekend

Shiny xxxxx

Morning Duncanmac

Love to read ur posts so much positivity and always make sense , fully agree for everyone it all comes down to choices and decisions to make and only that person can make it , u definitely av to want it I half hearted attempt is just no good and proves many times on here , there is always a need to do it mainly financial for most but that inner desire that quest for a betteg life is what should be burning inside

I know u must sometimes av bad days but u wouldn't never think it and thats due to the way u apply urself ur mindset , from where u came back from the life problems that come ur way now will seem nothing to that decision to make that change , the strength it gave u is now fixed in ur brain to combat the days which aren't so good

U r still so aware of the dangers and dont take nothing for granted no complacency no stone goes uncovered and for me lies the inspiration for others to see and follow , that better life is there for everyone

The words that echo though are so true

You have got to want it

Castle2

Morning diary.

Thanks for the post castle. Yes i do have days were it seems i am swimming against the tide, like there is a force which works to try and undo things. But without doubt to be able to face them square on, to know you can win serves well.

Without doubt the sh#t that i let my addiction bring into my life are unserpassable in my life. The consequences of my addiction were so destructive that life today can only be faced with a smile.

Today i read a few diaries, dosed up on my resolve.

Linda a new member is in the place were i was in January last year. The addiction is all consuming, everything else plays second fiddle.

Well today i live the polar opposite. I come first, equally my beautiful wife, and wonderful family.

And something which i learnt. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

Today my addiction is safely in my pocket.

Just for today there it will stay.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Lovely post as always Duncs.

Take care and continue to cherish your gamble free life.

Feb.

Hi Duncan

Thanks for the continued support. Your committment to this forum is admirable- well done !

Take care

Irene

x

Morning diary.

The Mac house is officially a chocolate and biscuit free zone.

The whole family are on board

the fruit bus!!! Our Joe back off to uni today says an hour ago that cereal is wierd full of red bits !!!!

That would be Sarahs special k with berries lol!!!!

Day 2 today and my house is full of laughter!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.