Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc, continued best wishes mate, Gazza

Morning diary.
So dear diary another week is upon us, a week in which I will be working seven days but only one of those days will see me double up and work both jobs, so I am at the stove today, tomorrow,Wednesday,Thursday and Friday I am labouring and Thursday I will cook, then Saturday and Sunday I will be back at the stove.
The following week I am going to have a couple of days off, I will have enough spare money to facilitate a few more hours in the chair, time to finish the lower part of my sleeve,a reward for my efforts.
For me its about building, creating the ability to make choices that are healthy.
This week I will make time to get to the gym at least four of the days because I have the desire to continue getting fitter and more healthy. My hand is again very sore this morning, almost impossible to make a fist with it, I will be calling my gp this afternoon to make an appointment.
Mentally I feel stronger than I can remember, I feel the ability to decision make grows, irrational behaviour lessens and I don't feel constantly stressed and anxious.
I know without doubt that the ability to do so comes from the fact that there aren't self created problems standing in the way,clouding my ability to see black from white.
I am able to shoulder responsibility as a result.
Feeding addiction created an ever decreasing circle of opportunity, and often left the insanely repetitive choice to just keep feeding addiction.
Today I feel like I am running in the opposite direction,those circles of choice grow every day.
It's great to create opportunity,now it's time to take them.
The outcome is profound
Not just for me but the folk I hold dear.
Just for today I will not gamble.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc, thanks for your post. You've another hectic week ahead but you seem to thrive off, certainly better than our past lifes, keep living the dream or working towards your dreams, and I am pleased you feel so much stronger as a person.

Wilsy

Dearest diary
Today I have put in a serious shift, prepared all the fridges and cleaned every inch of the kitchen and more.
I feel deeply rewarded.
Off to finish the day with a well deserved steam and sauna.
Duncs stepping forward never back

Evening diary
A long few days labouring but a good weeks earnings as a result and a long weekend of cooking ahead to add, next week I have much of the same and Tuesday night I have a few hours in the chair as a reward so with a good will the bottom half of my sleeve should be about complete.
Managed to get to the gym three times this week and if I wake early enough tomorrow I will go before work.
Life has become a truly rewarding experience, well since I took off the gambling goggles' that truly distorted my view of everything.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Extremely happy for you Duncs! May strenght & desire/ drive for life stays beside you day in day out!

Don't forget some "ME" days in between tho!

Best wishes

S&B xx

Evening diary.
Sandra thanks for popping by, my life is deeply enriched by the choice I continue to make.
So my dear friend a long day at the stove, busy all day and home now,showered and in bed for six hours before I get back up and cycle back to work for another long day at the stove,a fully booked restaurant tomorrow which I believe is the results of the hard work the kitchen team have put in.
We are serving truly honest good food,without the bells and whistles and it's a joy to cook.
Next week I will be at the stove Monday and labouring Tuesday,Wednesday and Thursday then all being well I will take Friday off and back to the stove over the weekend and I have a few hours tattooing booked for Tuesday evening, the result of the hours I have put in over the past few weeks.
Addiction still sits in the duldroms of my mind, I keep a watch full eye on it I know it waits for a moment of weakness so it can try to regain control, I will counter any move it makes through my ever presence of rational thinking, I know what it takes to remain gamble free.
I communicate with the world, I don't fear time alone, I have an amazing armoury at my disposal.
The medication I take works, I no longer fear the workings of my mind, I embrace the busy life I have and above all enjoy every moment.
Nothing is insurmountable, I know life isn't a bed of roses but I know that ultimately I reap what I sow, I don't have all eggs in one basket, something of my own making and from that I have a great deal more control.
That is without doubt a huge contending factor of the mindset I have enabled myself,the ability to have a pot full of choices.
The result is I am more answerable to myself.
From it I take huge comfort because I grow more responsibility as a result.
That is something wholly new.
Today I lived by a choice.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Dunc, you work so hard make sure you are looking after yourself too mate. I always check in on your diary but don't ever post on it. I know you are a long time reg here and have a ton of people congratulating you on your success. Regard me as another one.

Have a good weekend =)

Morning diary
Sjw your words humble and inspire me in equal measure.
So my dear friend I am laying here drowning in a head full of cold, my head pounds and my joints ache and worst of all my teeth are tender.
I worked hard yesterday and am labouring for the next three, lol I will be donning multiple layers today and will sweat it out.I have put off my booked time in the chair tonight for a day later in the week, I don't want to be uncomfortable in the chair, I want to enjoy every minute.
Bless Mr blue our older whippet has been waking up two or three times through the night over the past few nights and has been barking like mad.
I couldn't work out why.
An hour ago I discovered why
My neighbour leaves food on his garage roof for the stray cats and proud as punch two beautiful foxes stood up there when I opened the back door!!
I guess he can smell them!
So he has had tea and biscuits with me and is back sleeping!
Me I have a streaming nose and can't settle, so I gifted myself some therapy and logged in here.
I will go to the gym after work for a steam to hopefully help the cold on it's way, I can't take any form of decongestant because of my other medication.
So good old fashioned steam will do me.
Not sure if we are going to get any snow here, I hope not because this country is shocking at reacting to it!!!
And Sarah told me I am too old to take a tea tray up the h!ll lol.
Today I will live by a choice
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back

Morning diary.
Well we have snow like the rest of the country, yesterday we managed to get a fair sized job done before the snow kicked in which meant I got my three days labouring in this week and will be paid well for it next week, not sure what will happen at the pub over the next couple of days, it's pretty remote and yesterday the kitchen was shut at two to enable the staff to get home safely, something a lot of owners wouldn't do so fair play to them.
Today I am off, I have my time in the chair booked but will wait and see if I can get there, I took my hounds out for a run an hour ago and stopped on the corner to help a young lad pick his motorbike up off the floor that he promptly wheeled towards home, our road looks like a scene from the day after tomorrow, carnage!
The snow is supposed to clear tomorrow here so hopefully I will get to cook over the weekend, I have some special diners to feed on Sunday, it's our lily's 22nd birthday and she wants to come to lunch, if not I will cook up a storm at home.
I offered addiction to come and play in the snow this morning, hoping I could pelt him with a few snowballs, maybe I could have slipped a pointy stone in one lol!! But alas he is still sulking because I won't pander to his calling.
My peaceful time has come to an end the herd have awoken!!!!
My name is Duncs i am a compulsive gambler
Today I make a choice
Abstain and maintain
Stepping forward never back.

Evening diary
Well I sit watching match of the day with my beloved hounds, the sound of heavy rain beats a tune on conservatory roof which means for me the snow will be gone tomorrow and life will find some normality, it was great watching the local kids sledge down the h#ll on the various items they had found to do so, it reminded me of the last time we had heavy snow and me and the kids went up the h#ll armed with tea trays and had a blast, that would have been ten years ago and today none of us would be that brave!! Lol.
So yesterday was a good day, three hours in the chair and my lower sleeve is 85% finished which is looking more awesome with every session.
We got to supper together as a family and I found time to rest up in between.
I have a bit of a tight chest and a terrible cough still but am trying to work through it as laying down seems to just make it worse.
Today I cooked all day, tomorrow I plan to work as few hours as possible as it's our lily's birthday and I am cooking up a whole leg of lamb with all the trimmings.
So a good day ahead
Enabled by the choice I made today
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back

Morning diary
Well all the best laid plans and all that!!
The chef who would have run the show yesterday was a no show, his girlfriend phoned in so I was left holding the baby, my plans to cook for our lily sidelined and I ended up covering a long day,my chest got heavier as the day went on and upon getting home I promptly put myself to bed.
This morning I tried in vain to get up and get on with it as I was due to labour today, I have waved the white flag, I have a doctors appointment at twenty past nine and hopefully they will see fit to give me something to shift the fact it feels like I have a tractor parked on my chest!!!
So today I will look after myself.
Doctors and back to bed.
Maybe soup for dinner!!!
Tomorrow will I hope to get back to work.
Duncs

Evening diary
Well a long week, I took Monday to rest up and am on antibiotics for a chest infection, been labouring hard the past four days and coming home, eating and putting myself to bed. I have little or no voice but my chest is clearing. Two long days cooking tomorrow and Sunday then back labouring Monday, I had a lovely text from the boss I labour for earlier saying they wholly appreciate the effort I give and I am a joy to be around, which meant a great deal, I have a zest for life, my glass is half full.
Addiction has no room to try and reclaim the place it held in my mind.
That's motivation, something to behold.
Today I made a choice.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Mr D!

Like the update but still not convinced you're putting your body through healthy (ier) hours :-/

Don't forget to look after yourself - YOU matter the most my friend.

Rest up well

Xx

Morning diary.
A fourteen hour working day ahead, a day to remain calm when everyone around me will without doubt be in somewhat of a flap, for this is not my first rodeo lol.
Today I pay homage to the two mums in my life, I too often let addiction blind the love I hold for them and treated them for fools.
I cannot change those events, but can learn from them.
I caused a great deal of pain through my selfish actions, today I wish to be selfless.
My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler, no bet today
Abstain and maintain

Stepping forward never back.