Hi, I'm hoping keep a diary of my thoughts and feeling relating to gambling will help with my recovery. All or Nothing is pretty much what describes a lot of the aspects of my life but especially when it comes to gambling. I'm 32 and have never been a 'daily gambler' in that I'm more of 'binge gambler' where I'll blow a massive amount in a short period, swear off gambling, weeks/months go by and I forget about how bad it all made me feel and then eventualy start the cycle again as if my resolve to never gamble had been blanked. This has been going on 15 years or more and the cycle needs to end now before it does irrepairble damage.
My most recent bout started with me dipping my toe back in the water of gambling and I ended up losing a lot of money I cannot afford to lose. It made me feel guilty, anxious, suicidal and life can be s**t enough without self-harming via gambling.
Its been about 40 days since i last gambled and am detemined to beat this but must admit that I still get massive urges to chase back my losses.
hiya croboy. i was in a similar position. what is ure evil. i have just updated about coming oiut the cycle and if you break it u will be so much better off in mind and pocket. if its online get some betfilter s in place. if its bookies then self exclude.personally i did both.
u can do it mate.
a.n.d
To answer you question:
"All or Nothing?"
Easy!
"ALL!"
All the very best and you WILL get all that you want in life.
GT
Everyday I still seem to be getting twinges and daydreams about bets i would have made. Like if i see a football match I 'fantasise' that I put a 8k bet on and then if it would have won i feel gutted I didnt do it.
I know the simple answer is not to think about betting even 'fantasy' bets but its easier said than done. Been a few weeks since i've been to GA due to xmas parties etc so defo think i need to get bac there asap.
Thanks for the replies and best wishes to us all!!
welcome croboy
i have not been on here too long but it is making me determined due to the great support.
I can do exactly the same as you, go weeks and months without a bet then all of a sudden something clicks and i binge.
The thinking after an event has happened, telling yourself i would of backed that but at the end of the day i bet you don't admit you would of backed a loser!
Good luck mate
Almost fell off the wagon this weekend! Opened up a bettin page on my laptop as my free protection had lapsed (too tight to pay for gamblock but waste thousands gambling-go figure??),sat frozen for about 5 minutes and then shut it down again.
The bet (west ham to beat blackburn) would have lost and I felt so relieved. Not sure how I would hve felt i it had won. Glad I'm still clean-could have ruined Xmas for myself.
Hello Croboy--remember an urge is just that if you do not act on it. I see you said you imagined 8k on a bet--just think that is what you would be down if you had bet whu against Blackburn!!
Breaking the circle is the only way to go mate--watch the football and enjoy games for what they are and they become more enjoyable and usually leave you better off as well.
All the best
Stumper
I reckon that you will need to get gamblock mate. I know it's money spent but you will win huge in the long term.
GT
Havent gambled since Nov 5th now but came very, very close recently.
Finished a work party yesterday afternoon, had, had quite a few drinks and just thought 'CASINO'. Ended up in the casino, did a lap of the room, realised that even if I bet the maximum on a table it wouldnt touch my losses, walked back out.
On monday night I had a daydream of betting 4k on Man City getting beat by Everton on way to GA. Would have won 16k and felt gutted when I saw the score on leaving the meeting.
Keep thinking I could have this 'one last bet' that would clear my losses. Genuinely think I would stop if I did and it won but I cant risk that loss as it would undo everyhing and just be wrong
Glad to see you resisted the urges again mate--I have thought about bets many times and said to myself if I could just win this once I would stop---then I smell the roses and know that people like me do not operate like that-the winning is not important as it is having the ammunition to gamble again that drives us on.
Try to resist mate as it is the only way forward. Debts are a pain but eventually you will clear them if you do not gamble--if you do gamble you may not ever clear them. Keep reading other diaries and you will see that you are not alone and you will also see the pros and cons of all aspects of recovery.
I wish you well.
I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP
Stumper
Thanks Stumper
Your spot on in what you say and the fact is that if I did win I would never learn my lesson and end up losing in the long-term.
Just got to keep away from gambling and the urges will get better in time I reckon.
Funny, but with Xmas being in full swing I've hardly thought about gambling.
Footy back on 2mora and temptation creeps in but gonna stay strong. My wife is beyond amazing so cant let her down ever again.
Hope everone is having a gamble free xmas!!
I'm new to this site and I'm determined to change, good to here your staying strong. My biggest downfall is the roulette table, I will play the max and once lost nearly £5k in 20 minutes. Now I've lost my entire savings £30k and have finally realised I need help
Football back on today. Think Sunderland could upset Man U but not betting. Everytime I think about betting a longshot it seems to come in but if I actually placed money i'm positive it would lose!! Be good when its the New Year so I can say it was last year when I last bet!
Hope Newcastle beat Man City but think we could get a hiding!
welcome croboy, you can do it , keep going Teresa
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