Hi all,
It's been a long time since I've found myself writing a post on this site but after a very long time Ive relapsed hard! I was doing so well why did I start again? It all started when me and partner started to go bingo that wasn't my form off gambling before so what's the problem I thought? It was going well I'd go play bingo and go home even had a £2900 win on a house but then it started when I was swaying towards the slot machines in the bingo hall odd twenty pound here and there and the funny thing I felt like I was actually controlling how much I was spending on there for once. I had to get a new mobile phone due to the other breaking and the first thing I should have done is installed my gambling block but I didn't something just so overpowering came along and actually created an account in my partners name deposited with my card and with 7 days I've blown over £1200 odd withdrawal here and there that as you know just went straight back on the site.
Me and my now partner was not together when I was gambling before he knows I had the odd big spend but not to the extent it really was and I wanted to keep it that it was new life and my past was the past however it's crept back into the NOW I haven't got the guts to tell how much I've spent and I never will it would completely destroy our relationship and I know many will say tell him but for me I need to keep this to myself
I now have put back in place my gambling blocks but I have this fear will I always relapse in the future. My work and my health has been effected this time I called in sick due to being up all night gambling and my anxiety is sky hight
Time to start all again...
Well done for taking action.
Dont beat yourself up, relapse is often part of the process.
Get the helpline number and chat with them. It looks as though you have put blocks back in place, and understand that putting yourself back into a gambling environment was a mistake. We all make these errors from time to time. Get your GF time going again and enjoy life. And finally don't feel pressured to confess anything if you don't feel ready, just be kind to yourself and get back into recovery.
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