Day 263.
My last day in work yesterday until 2nd January!🎄👌. I am so ready for this break. So much so, I am still sitting in my bed since I woke up this morning! I have had a few sleepless nights this week, thinking of my beautiful nephew, his wife, 2 little girls and my sister and her family 💔💙. This time of year just makes it all even more difficult 😢.
I am off around to my sister’s this afternoon. She has invited me and her neighbours for pre-Christmas drinks and nibbles bless her 😇. Tomorrow, she is coming here with our friend for more drinks and nibbles 🥂🍾🎄.
All in all, it will be a quiet but cosy Christmas Day for me and my son, with some nice plans either side of it - best of both worlds you might say!😬.
Not a worry in the world about my finances right now which is a great feeling 👌.
Best wishes and Merry Christmas to each and everyone of you. Wishing you all peace, strength and determination as we head into 2025!
”April fools - no more the fool”!
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Merry Chritsmas Pink, keep smashing 2025 like you have the last 8 months of 2024
All the best to you and yours
Day 270.
Had a lovely, cosy few days over Christmas with my son🎄, albeit tinged with some sadness, as we both remembered my lovely nephew 😢💙💔.
My son left yesterday, off on his travels for the next 11 days, visiting Bucharest, Chisnau and finishing off in Rome. He is a history and food buff so he enjoys visiting the many cathedrals and other famous buildings and devouring the local cuisine! 😋
Today, I have got my sister, my nephew’s wife and his two little girls coming to visit for tea and cake. It will be lovely seeing them but it also breaks my heart at the same time thinking how their Daddy was so cruelly and suddenly taken away from them and how he should be here to see them grow 😢💙. We all just have to keep going and just be there for each other. My poor sister has really struggled this Christmas - her second without her youngest child. My heart just bleeds for her 💔😢. We will however, make it as happy as can be for his little girls to enjoy the Christmas period.
I was awake until around 5am this morning 😩. Mostly due to thinking of my nephew 💙. When I woke a few hours later, I felt like a zombie. It took me right back to when I would be awake for the entire night, gambling online and trying to chase those losses 🙈. I think I may have even dreamed that I was gambling but I am not certain 🙃.
Although feeling tired and low in energy, I am so glad that it’s just due to no sleep - that I can deal with and get over. Rather than having that gut wrenching, churning feeling in my stomach to add to the lack of sleep because I had just lost all of my money! It’s always a good reminder to think of moments like this every now and again as it just makes me shudder and never want to be in that position ever again. Luckily, I am still on annual leave until 2nd January so have got a few days more to just take it easy so that helps 👌.
So today, I have cake and lots of sugary goodies to get through with the girls!😋. We are then heading back around to my sisters, who is making dinner for us all 👍.
Some gambling thoughts crept into my mind during the early hours. Again, I think this was due to reading some diary posts of new people who have hit their “rock bottom”. Also, knowing that from January, the process will commence at my dentist, in preparation for my 3 implants, which will then hopefully get rid of this ongoing infection in my gum 🙏. At a cost of 6k, a slight niggle came to mind of “imagine if I gambled some of this 6k, sitting safely in my savings account and doubled it”. My sensible side of my brain however, quickly answered “you know what the outcome of that will end up being!! That then got me on to thinking of all the other negatives that go with gambling - NO THANK YOU! Them days are truly over 👋💪🙏.
So I sit here comfortably in my warm home, savings in tact and secure - tick. Money in my bank - tick. Money in my little saving pots - tick. Peace of mind - HUGE TICK ✔️👌.
Take care all and have a lovely weekend- I have to keep checking my Calendar to see what day/date it is!!🙃. The Christmas holidays are causing havoc with my mind!!🎄😆.
”April fools - no more the fool!!
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Day 271.
Having a lazy day on my own at home today - the first since 20th December, when I broke up from work! My tree and decorations will be coming down and put in the loft until next Christmas 👋👋👋🎄. Then a quick dust/hoover around, all neat and tidy, going into 2025!
Tomorrow, I am getting the train into Liverpool - have got some parcels to return to stores. Quite looking forward to it as I haven’t been on the train since I left my last job. Even better is, it doesn’t cost me a penny, as I have my free bus and rail pass - being of a certain age 😜👌.
I am going to chill this afternoon, watching t.v with a cuppa and a big slice of Belgium chocolate Yule log 😋. I will do the same this evening and make the most of still being off work to recharge my batteries.
I have taken out of the freezer, a nice homemade chicken madras, prepared with Christmas leftovers so will have that for dinner later 👍. All in all, a good day planned 😬.
Take care all.
”April fools - no more the fool”!
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Well done Pink. I have been truly inspired by your journey. You have come so far. Glad to hear you’re having a break from work over the festive period. I see from your diary that you used to be a probation officer which is a really stressful role. I used to be a YOT practitioner before. Happy that you are enjoying your new role. All the best for 2025 and hope you keep going on your gamble free journey. I’m nearly up to three months and life is so much better and stress free.
@t97k5rdcpu Thank you so much parkside for your lovely words 😊. Yes, glad I got out of probation when I did as many of my colleagues there are just going through the worst times! Think I left just at the right time.
Three months is a great achievement so a very well done to you 👏👏👏. They can often be the hardest too so the fact that you have come through this period, shows determination and self control 💪.
I wish you strength and determination going into 2025.
Take care.
🩷🍎
Day 274.
New Year’s Eve 2024. Another year about to come to an end.
Time for some reflection ………….
This time last year, I was back gambling 😢. I continued on that journey until end of March 2024. Winning, losing, chasing, losing even more. I was back on the “gambling destruction train”! Came with that was stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, permanently skint (after usually gambling any winnings). I say winnings - I now see these winnings as just temporary loans from the rich gambling sites, just waiting for me to pay them back AND some more!
End of March 2024, my hard earned salary hit my account at midnight. By 12.30am, most of it had been lost to gambling 🙈. That sudden gut wrenching, stomach churning, disbelief, “has this really happened” feeling, shot through my entire body. I lay awake for the remainder of the night, wondering how I would get through to next payday/pay my bills.
Luckily for me (and I am aware not everyone on here has the same support), my sister, once again, came to my rescue. She loan me my lost salary and made sure I was fed and watered for the month 😇. I made a promise to her there and then that “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” and this would be the last time she would bail me out with anything gambling related.
The first 3 months were financially difficult but I stuck to my plans/mini goals. I say financially difficult as emotionally, I was in a much better place - sleeping better, feeling happier, 100 times less stress/anxiety 👌.
Over the past 9 months, I have gradually improved my bank balance on a monthly basis, I have money in my separate savings pots and I have reduced my credit card balance that I had planned to do. I have gifted myself with various things and I have been in a position to gift others too and to have the funds to go out socialising. Basically, I was able to return to the “sensible me” that everyone thought I was 👌.
I have just finished paying my brother off - a 12 month agreement/interest free loan (he also let me off with £900 of this). Again, I am fortunate to have such a kind, thoughtful brother 💙.
So……………. as I am about to go into 2025, I have continued/new plans! Which are
- To set up £175.00 monthly payments to pay my sister back
- To increase my total monthly individual savings pots money to £250
- To continue to decrease my credit cards (each has less than £700 credit)
- TO REMAIN GAMBLE FREE!!! 💪🙏.
My sister is picking me up soon - we are off to my nieces for a family get together and sleep over. We will also remember her loving son - never to be forgotten Rich 💙😢.
To all my fellow diary members, I wish you peace, strength and determination for 2025 and beyond. Best wishes to each and every one of you.
”April fools - no more the fool”!
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Hi Pink Lady, firstly I’d like to say a massive congratulations on being 274 days gamble free. That is such an incredible achievement.
I spent last night and this morning reading your whole diary from start to finish. It has given me further inspiration, belief and determination to get to a similar place to where you are now. You’ve come such a long way from the end of March.
Keep on winning at life, you’re doing amazing.
Wishing you a Happy New Year.
Dan
Thank you so much Dan. You can do this too! 💪🙏.
🩷🍎.
@j5a6meyr4z Congrats on the huge amount of progress you made in 2024, heres to an even better 2025 🙂
@hit0f4l2rn Thank you very much Eden. I wish you well also for 2025 💪🙏.
🩷🍎.
Day 278.
My return to work after 12 days off over Christmas was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was actually nice to be back and getting into that routine again 👍. I am still really enjoying the move I made last August, from that of a Probation Officer, to working in the passport office, literally based at the bottom of my road!👌. I am also getting used to returning to full time hours and even more so, the full time pay!!💷💷 😆
I have recently applied for a permanent position in the same building at the bottom of my road. This time, it is for the UK Visa and Immigration department. This comes with a civil service quality pension also so will be nice to receive this again for the final years of my working days!👍. I have had feedback to say that I have passed the initial first 2 stages of the assessment so just waiting to see if/when I will be offered an interview 🤞🙏. These roles usually take some time to complete the whole process. The closing date was 25th November so I am hoping that the interview process will be fast approaching.
My current contract is with an agency and is due to come to an end on 30th March but as of yet, I have not been told that it won’t carry on. I am keeping my fingers crossed, that as with last year, waiting to start this job, everything just fell nicely into place time wise and so I am thinking how nice it would be, if I were to be successful and secure this permanent position by end of March, when my agency contract is supposed to come to an end 🤞🙏🙏🙏🙏. If not, I am happy continuing in my current post - they have already authorised my annual leave for this August so that sounds promising!😆🤞.
Meeting my friend in an hour then we are walking to my sister’s - she has invited all the girls around for drinks and nibbles and a good “New Year’s “ catch up 🥂🍾👌.
Take care all and hope the start of your new year is going well 🙏.
”April fools - no more the fool”!!
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Good luck with the new job pinky. Amazing to see how far we’ve come since we chatted nearly a year ago. Both at our lowest. Both with no idea how to get out of it. Both now living the life we always wanted.
It’s so good to see you still going strong and looking forward to things. Nice you had a good Christmas, even with the tough memories. Greatest gift you have given everyone this year is to be gf. Congrats!
Stay strong 💪
@p6z38njbqm Thank you so much my friend Fish for your continued support🐟💙. Yes indeed, we have both been on this same journey together and helped each other stick to our plan of never going back to the destructful life of gambling!👋💪.
Take care.
🩷🍎
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