April Fools!

Day 21.

One of my non working days so after my son has spent the last four days here, it’s “clean up day” for me!🤨. It can be very therapeutic however 👍.

I have just received a lovely surprise - my sister has just sent me another e-gift card for Sainsbury’s! She is so thoughtful and considerate, even whilst dealing with her own grief. 😇😢. I can get by on the food I have until payday next week but this will just boost it even more. I am so fortunate to have such a loving family and I am aware that this may not be the case for everyone on here. 😢.

Will get out for a walk today - benefits the mind as well as the body!

Not sure if anyone can answer this but I am now on day 21, yet my total count on here does not add the next day on until around 10.30pm each night??? Any idea why that might be?

Take care all.  Stay strong and be kind to yourself and to others. 🙂.

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Day 22.

Late night working on a Tuesday. So a short and sweet post from me. 🙂.

Good day and just ploughed through work.  Finished a little earlier than usual so that was a bonus. 👍. No thoughts of gambling whatsoever - yuk!! Checked in with my sister when I got home - brokenhearted for her. 💔💙😢. I will end there peops.

Good night, God bless and take care all. Be kind to yourself and to others too. 👍.

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Day 23

Tonight’s post is making up for the very short post last night!🥹.

Wfh today so that was good - away from the current hustle and bustle of a very over crowded and busy office!

so…….. I have applied for a full time post (I went down to 3 days on 1st of March 2020 and thought “this is the life, time to wind down/enjoy myself more)! 👏 Twenty three days later, the U.K went into full blown lockdown! During this period, I sold my house to downsize to a lovely apartment - mortgage free, in a lovely area and just down the road from my sister. My thoughts were “this is great, this is a new chapter heading towards me being 60 in a couple of years time”!!

During the first part of lockdown, I stayed with my sister for 6 months, which was great for both of us, as we both lived alone. So with the strict Covid restrictions at the time, this worked out well for both of us. My house was sold and I was about to purchase my new apartment.  Why I do not know as I had not gambled for years but as quick as that and in as many weeks, I had lost 27k of my own money!!🙈🤷🏻‍♀️.  I mean, who on earth does that??? If anyone had have said to me “give us 27k of your hard earned money you have built up in your property single handedly”, I would have told them where to go, yet I had done just this to a poxy gambling establishment!!!😲. What a time that was for me to come to terms with/get over.  That money could have been used to completely replace/re-decorate my new apartment to the exact standard I would have liked it to have been.  Don’t get me wrong, it is still lovely and I have such a lovely peaceful view from my balcony but to lose that amount??  One thing I am good at is “moving on” and getting over things like this. Not that I have ever gambled this sort of money ever before. Just as well really.

Anyway…… back to me applying for a full-time post for the Home Office, passport office, (due to the above AND 4 years of gastronomical cost of living increases)!!! Plus this office building just happens to be literally down the road from me!👌. I passed the interview and I am now awaiting security clearance, after successfully submitting the clearance application form . There was a box however which asked if I had ever had “significant financial hardship” and to tick it if so. At the time, I thought “well I am with Stepchange and have been paying my debt off for a number of years by regular monthly payments which I can afford, which in turn, is gradually reducing my debt each year”, so I did not see this as financial hardship. Today though however, this was niggling away at me and I thought, “they only need to do a quick credit check on me and I will be scuppered”!🙈.  I decided to email the Cabinet office vetting company and explain all of the above.  I then also rang them and spoke to a lovely guy, who put my mind at rest by telling me I had done absolutely the right thing in contacting them to inform them of this and being open and honest in my email when I read it out to him.  He told me that this information had been picked up and would be looked at. He then went on to say that the information I had put in the email may be sufficient as everything else was in order, or, they may get back to me to ask for some further details. I told him how worried I was feeling about this but he told me not to worry and go and enjoy the rest of my evening. I decided I had done what I could and come clean so I then finished work and took myself out for a nice walk. I cannot afford to worry about this whilst it is currently out of my control.  The moral of this story for me is however, “honesty is the best policy and that’s how I was brought up”! Let’s hope this serves me well on this occasion. 🤞🙏🙏🙏🙏. For now at least, I feel better for informing them and I can relax until I hear back.

Upon reflecting on the above, I am even more determined not to waste any more of my hard earned money gambling.  Had I not have, I wouldn’t be having to worry about anything like this!🙈.

Good night. God bless all. Stay strong and be kind to yourself and others.

“April fools - no more the fool”!

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Seems like we both in the same boat. Desperately trying to start over. Confident we can do it. Restricted by our previous actions. Hopefully we both get the result we want. Great to see you doing so well, considering all you’ve had going on. We’ve all got some stories to tell. None of them good, all caused by something we can’t control. Well, I say we can’t control it. We are doing that now. Just needed that first step and like you say honesty is best. It may hurt in the short term, but I know it is the best thing in the long run.

Best of luck pinky 

@p6z38njbqm Thank you Fish. 🐟. May God look down on us both. 🙏🙏.

keep up your strength and resilience and so will I. 💪💪.

🩷🍎.

Day 24.

Nearing pay day! Seems to have taken forever, yet come around so quickly all at the same time!🤷🏻‍♀️. Just looking forward to seeing all my bills paid in my bank account, food in my fridge and freezer, petrol in my car, some nice wine and minus the anxiety and gut wrenching feeling that comes with gambling 👎. Yes, this will very much do for me for the time being.

Work not too bad today so that was a bonus. 👍. My son came for dinner/sleepover so a bit of company and a change for both of us. Off work now until Tuesday so some respite from the madness and mayhem that comes with it. 👌.

Good night. God bless all. Stay safe.

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Day 25.

Lovely afternoon/evening around at my sister’s with a couple of our friends.  Was good to see her smile and be distracted for a while from her grief. 🥲. Few wines along the way and some nice food and some laughter too! No thoughts of gambling at all but that’s not too unusual for me as I do not/did not always gamble every day but rather, would have “bouts” - winning but then always trying to win more and ultimately losing it and more! Well not today thank you. I was being more me and it felt nice.

Take care all.

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Day 26.

Just a normal day, doing “normal” things! Lovely evening at my neighbour’s for a glass (or two) of wine and some nibbles. 😋. Back to normality it is then! 👌🙏

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Good night God bless all.

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Day 27.

Another nice and “normal” day today and this evening. What more can I say?👍

Take it easy everyone.

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Day 28.

Non working day today. Weather, windy and miserable 👎. I will take that over the misery and damage gambling brings with it! Payday tomorrow! Not thought too much about it really, other than there will be money in my bank account in time, to pay for my big Sainsbury’s food delivery tomorrow, plus, all my bills will be paid the day after👌. Will be another tight month, with extra money I owe out and more dental costs but I will stay focused and get through it and that’s that! At least I won’t be riddled with anxiety and regret due to gambling my hard earned salary!!👌

Thoughts for today……

Be grateful for what I already have.

Be grateful to have such a wonderful, loving family.

Be grateful that I have a decent job (even though it is relentless and extremely stressful at times)!

Be grateful that I have my health. 🙏

Be grateful that I have come to my senses!

No other plans for today, other than to take it easy before work tomorrow and I will join the chat room this evening for a catchup. 👍.

Take care all and be kind to yourselves and others.

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Day 29 - Pay day!!!

Just sitting here looking at my balance in my bank account…… oh how different to last payday when in a matter of hours, I had gambled most of it!🙈. Quickly followed by “is this really happening? Am I dreaming this”? No I wasn’t. That sickening feeling to the stomach soon followed, wondering how I was going to get through to the next month/pay my bills??? I have no one but my kind, thoughtful, non judgemental sister to thank for helping me through until now. The shame however is not the best feeling. I have said it before on my diary that I just feel it in my bones, that I am totally done with the whole aspect of gambling and enough really is enough!! So…… back to my bank balance.  Looking good - for now that is.  All my bills come out in about two minutes, leaving me on a tight budget but I am so okay with this, knowing that none of it has gone on gambling and I will be fed and watered well. 👍.

Thoughts for today…… Feeling grateful, calm, happy-ish and in control once again. 👌.

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Good night God bless all.

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Day 30.

Busy day as ever work wise. 🤪. Finished at 4.30pm however and then went for a nice walk with my sister, followed by an impromptu Chinese takeaway for both of us!😋.

The last of my bills coming out tomorrow 👍. Money is tight-ish but feeling calm and at peace in my thoughts and my actions.

Early start for work in the morning, followed by a full day but will keep reminding myself that I am then off until Tuesday and I am feeling happy. 🙂 - tell yourself something enough times over and over and it becomes believable- give it a try!

Good night all.  Take care and be kind to yourself.

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Hi pink lady, nice to see you in chat tonight.

Massive welldone on 30 days, your doing fab.

Walk and Chinese sound nice, might do that myself tomorrow lol

Take care and stay strong 

Stace x

@stace Thanks Stace. 👍. Always nice to catch up on live chat I agree. Yes, you go for it and treat yourself! When I went to pick it up in the car, I just thought to myself, “how nice it is to just feel “normal again” and be able to pay for a takeaway”!  The simple things hey. 👌.

Hope the bank holiday weekend brings you some light and happiness.

Take care and be kind to yourself. 🩷🍎.

Day 31.

Another eventful and busy morning at work today but at least I got to wfh for the afternoon and finish by 4.30pm.👌. Budget still tight but really don’t care right now - all my bills are paid, I have plenty of food (and wine)!😋 and I feel much more at peace with myself.

Off to the dentist in the morning - hope there will not be too much financial damage done there. 🙏. Then me and my sister are off to see her daughters and their families for a girly sleepover and all that comes with it. 👍. More family time over the bank holiday weekend spent at mine so that’s good.

No gambling thoughts what so ever - yuk!

Take care all.

”April fools - no more the fool”!

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.