Back from the Brink

Hi Shorty,

My route into Gambling was due to me trying to earn some extra cash from an idea which took me too close to the Gambling industry resulting in me getting my wings burned - well, obliterated. I think what I’ve realised is that the highs and (mostly) lows of winning then subsequently blowing ridiculous sums of money stays with us, and I’m not sure whether we will ever be truly “cured” - even years down the line. But, after time, the urges subside, the debts reduce, the pain eases, but we’re never cured. Even if there’s the slightest doubt in your mind, I’d exercise caution with allowing yourself access to money at this stage.

For the minute, I have many blocks in place. I know that if I get the urge, then it would be very very difficult to succumb, time enough for me to come to my senses before trying to blow another substantial sum.

All the best,

Michael

Day 11

Another Gamble-free day. Felt strangely down the last 2 days, can't put my finger on it - maybe the reality of what I've done might be starting to hit home. That said, at £36 per day wasted on average during my wasted years to gambling - technically I've saved around £396 during the last 11 days. Which makes me feel a bit better. That aside, I think it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get my backside in gear.

Day 12

Another day - those Gambling companies aren't getting another penny from me. Haven't visited a cash-point machine in weeks, having packed lunches every day, stopped drinking Starbucks coffees, no longer snacking at work - I don't think I've wasted a single penny so far this year and gradually feeling better for it. The longer I do this, the more habitual it will become and the more money put back on the debts I've accrued.

Day 13

14 days ago I was placing £50 even £100 bets on single BJ hands. Now I’ve managed to make the £15 in my wallet last at around 2 weeks. I’d love to understand how my brain is wired. That said, my obsession of not spending a single penny more than I need to is a lot healthier than blowing what I can’t afford. It does feel a lot like the early days of my last binge 6/7 years ago.

Day 15

A long time between Dec and Jan pay packets, so will get a bit tight this month, but for the first time in around 6months, the debts will be down (by around 1-2K), which is a big step in the right direction.

Other than that, everything moving along nicely.

Hi Michael - it's good to read that everything is moving along nicely for you. And great work hacking away at the debt.

I'm loving how much the £15 in your wallet lasts. I'm finding something very similar. Money seems to disappear at a drip-by-drip pace rather than the big gush of a waterfall when gambling.

Day 16

Just reminding myself today about the gamble-free life I have in-store. The crossroads has 2 sign-posts ... one pointing towards a stress-free, worry-free life. Family-time, enjoying holidays in the sun. Contributing towards my kid's Uni, or perhaps their weddings, or helping them to get a foot on the property ladder. Retiring with money in the bank, chance to travel and see the world, or buy that cottage in the country. The other one points at stress, worry resulting in potential health problems, working til I'm 70, having no money to enjoy retirement, unable to contribute to my kids future, having to sell-up to move to cheap accommodation, etc etc. A life that scares the hell out of me. I need to keep this idea fixed firmly in my mind. I've come far too far down the wrong road for my liking, and the final signpost is right ahead ... OK, if I take the right turn, it'll be a bit of a detour to get there, it would have been easier to have picked that route many years ago, but you don't know what you don't know and in my naivety, I completely misread the sign. But again, I have to remind myself, that this is recoverable ... it'll take time and patience to get there...but I will get there. Starting with this month, a good start with a decent chunk of debt wiped out. Once I see that, then I'll be aiming to hit it again next month, then the month after, then the month after that.

Hi Michael,

just wanted to say well done on steadying the ship pal, looks like you have started to feel more comfortable and relaxed and are thinking clearly and planning for your future. I am proud of you as I am of many battling this illness/addiction. Just for another day pat yourself on the back and treat yourself payday, you deserve it.

Wilsy, we're in this together, never alone!

Day 20

20 days in, and seems to be getting easier each day. Feeling a lot more positive about things now. Will easily make it through to payday now. Unbelievably I still haven’t spent that £15 yet !! Haven’t wasted a single penny this month and looks like I’m heading for a bumper debt busting month already !

Early days, but to undo all the good work is now unimaginable.

Well done on the 20 days, they are stacking up and it is great to hear you are feeling more positive.

I just wanted to say how much I liked your post on your day 16. The idea of being at a crossroads is exactly how I have felt. The road of not gambling again leads to all the potential happiness and opportunities that life has to offer whereas the other road leads to despair and unhappiness. Seems obvious which one to take when you put it that plainly.

Keep at it.

Muststop123

Day 22

Still here, still haven’t handed over a penny to those greedy Casino’s.

Day 26

Almost through the first month - a real return to normality now. Where did that person who squandered thousands in December, placing crazily sized bets come from ?
By my reckoning, around £36/day wasted gambling pre-29thDec2017. So that works out at around £936 in 26 days. I've hardly spent a penny over and above what I need to this month - unbelievably, I haven't visited a cashpoint machine to withdraw cash in 2018 yet !
Looking like a debt-busting month this month and with an anticipated work bonus coming up in a few months, I should be looking to have paid off at least half of what I'd lost in the previous 6months. I'd like to think that my the end of 2018, all of the debt accrued from this latest binge will be paid off. Effectively getting to the point where I was in June last year before this all started. I'd love that.

Day 27

Huge drama today. I've spent some money - £3.50 on a Sarnie !! Not saying I'm tight, but that's the first time that money has left my wallet this year ! I need a lie down.

Just wanted to say well done ... after a few false starts you’re now racking up the days. From your posts, keep focusing on getting your debt down and by end of year you can hopefully put the losses behind you. I’m in same boat and, like you, haven’t been to cash point this year. Only a handful of transactions on bank statement this month ... was well and into 3 figures on gambling alone in Dec! Keep going strong ... Rich

Good to hear you are feeling more positive Michael.

You're making some progress now just stick with it. Not sure when you are next due to be paid but these are always testing times. Make sure you safe guard your next lot of wages and put them towards where they need to go.

All the best mate, you know what you need to do!