Right... Ive decided to write a weekly diary, Ive never written my thoughts down before but if it helps to stop me from gambling then I guess its well worth it.
Its now 18 days since my last ever bet. Ive said it 1000 times before but im commited to quitting this time. I am seeing a counsellor a week on monday for the 1st time.
Ive let my wife down so badly this time, I feel awful I really cant do this again. I feel so bad for making the one I love so much feel so sad and empty. Its going to take a lot of growing up by me for me to regain her trust, but I WILL DO IT ....
Well done on starting a diary im on day 15 and its tuff but like you im tired of being dishonest and hiding things worrying about money all the time and hiding this is so time consuming i like you find no fun in it anymore there is only heartache and thats not wot i want in my life stay strong and gl hunni
Thanks
A few days on and a few more thoughts.
Its 20 days since i had a bet now and although I feel its been easy to get to this stage, I think its because I have had no money to gamble with since the start of the month. Pay day is today and I feel the real test starts now. I have no urges to gamble as yet and have put all the relevant processes in place. I used to go to the local bookies when i was bored on an afternoon off but that now cant happen, Im self excluded now but more than that I dont want to go in now.
Im going skiing in 29 days. This is my target. If I can get there I'll feel I can do the next month.
My finances are back on track thanks to my wife, but they will only stay that way if im mentally strong. I can pay off this 14k in exactly a year...I cant wait
Hi.. and well done on your gambling free time. Its good to have something to look forward to.. focus on that sking trip like you say. Finances take care of themselves when we don't gamble. All the best.. S.A
Hi Biff.
Good to meet you in chat tonight.
Payday is always a big test but it is great when you get through it and a few weeks later still have money in the bank. It's good to have something to aim for so keep that skiing trip in mind and save your cash for that.
Have a good weekend Biff and don't go spoiling it by gambling.
Thanks for your comments
Saturdays have always my weakness. So much sport on and so many football bets to be had. Not today though, pretty pleased with that. Another of my weaknesses was when my wife went out for the night leaving me at home on my own cos I have work in the morning, like tonight. Boredom therefore gambling was a formality. Ive got a few hrs yet b4 i got to bed but i wont be gambling tonight, not interested.
A pretty pleasing day then as two of my weaknesses are beaten. Plenty of football to bet on tomorrow so another tempting day, but I will stay mentally strong and stay away......
Oh and its 3 weeks today since i had a bet, its amazing how the days add up really quickly when you can stick to it....
I was thinking about something I wrote yesterday,
''Boredom therefore gambling was a formality''
This is definitely not the case but it is why I perceived I gambled. It had nothing to do with boredom. There was an opportunity to gamble so I did. Rant over but it definitely makes sense now....
Also I quite like a statement i read yesterday, I'm sure everyone else has heard it already but I liked it. I CANT LOSE IF I DON'T START. Or something similar anyway. Think i'll get that tattooed on my arm!
Day 22 / week 4 begins...here's to another good week.
23 days now. I have a few days off now which would normally mean a good few bets especially as i have cash in my account, pretty determined to keep it in there tho.
I keep reading stories how people have been a long period withought gambling and then have a relapse. This is something which worries me and i suppose helps in a way as it keeps me focused. I think the danger time could be when you think you have it beaten, which lets face it probably is never the case. Keeping the fear of s******g up could be the thing that keeps me going! Just gotta keep reminding myself of this and what I put my wife through.
My god im bored.
Its times like these on days off where I would definatly go and have a bet somewhere. Im not contemplating having a bet but I guess I need to find new things to do to replace a cpl of hrs in the bookies in times like these.
25 days ago I had my last bet and Im going pretty well at the moment, pretty happy im not gambling which in itself leaves me feeling a lot less stressed. I have a long way to go still and need to keep reminding myself of this.
But so far so good......
I know how you feel my job allowes me alot of time off, i do look after my son on these days but he is still a baby and apart form a couple of walks aday not much to do. But i spend alot of time reading on here and trying to help other people. it makes you feel good and costs nothing.
Why dont you try exercise running walking is good and takes up alot of time after it and showering and stuff couple of hours wasted.
If exercise is not your thing, i read alot just fiction. I know some good ones if you interested!
These days are the hardest just remember you wont win you cant win. and you will losse more than money if you do it.
good luck today !
Thanks for your suggestions.
I do exercise a lot, less recently(!) so i should prob step that up again, I went for a run yesterday and so pretty stiff today, Ill prob do some weights later to pass some time until my wife gets home at 7. Shes left me a few chores to do so I best do them aswell.
Ive never really been into reading, except on holiday but have been reading a lot of diaries on here, and you are right it does help. Hope everything is well with you
Cheers
Another day another dollar...saved
Feeling pretty good at the moment. Really dont feel like the urge to gamble, its been ages since I felt this way and it feels good. Money in the bank and it should even last the whole month, great feeling!
Its 26 days today heres to the next 26
29 days so now a month since my last bet. Had a really good night out on friday night, I told alot of my mates i had quit and they were all very supportive which I was really pleased about.
Had a bit of a low yesterday having checked my bank account only to see my thieving bank has charged me £35 quid for going £18 overdrawn last month. What a joke. Leaves me pretty tight now for the month. i went down and argued my case,to which they will get back to me. W*****S.
Other than that things are going well and I have my 1st face to fae couselling session tomorrow night.
Well day 30 was definately a good one, very long but good.
Today was my 1st counselling session, i thought it was excellent. It really gave me something to think about and if you are really determined to quit gambling i would definately reccommend face to face sessions.
Im looking fwd to my next session where i hope to recognise the signs where i feel i would have to gamble and learn ways of how best to deal with this. It really gave me hopd that i could quit forever whereas beford ive always been nervous about a slip up. I also spoke to my brother tonight and he sounded really pleased for me that things are going well. All the support ive been getting is great and cant thank ppl enough.
Will be back in a few days for more thoughts. . . .
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