Back to square one .. Regaining my freedom

Thank you cardhue for the encouraging words .. I read quite a lot of information on quitting smoking and am aware of all the facts about how the addiction plays tricks on us making us believe we cannot go on and be happy without them but never really tried to quit with all my heart. This time I am committed to putting an end to both : smoking and gambling ! I know it doesn't come easy but will embrace the withdrawal effects as they come since I am sure a vice that has been powered for more than 17 years (smoking) 15 years (gambling) cannot be just stopped and not feel any effects for a while. It's been there for too long we are used to them and certainly changes will appear in most aspects of our lives, in the way we think and react to different situations etc. But, I am sure that everything will change for the better!

Stay strong everyone!

Lost $7.5 yesterday ... Had around 3.5k left ..all my money .. They were in my mom's account ... She begged me many times to just stop, but I never listened. I remember a few nights ago she told me crying : please do something for yourself to stop all this, nobody else can. Those words made me feel terrible, but i still went and gambled , this is such a big disease.. I hurt my mother so many times... Simply could not stop.

I just came from the casino ...earlier today I cashed the remaining 3.5k and managed to win another 4k .. I could not handle staying in the casino any longer ..was emotionally ruined, nervous breakdown.. Smoked more than a pack of cigarettes and drank lots of coffee ... I am simply fed up with these disgusting maschines... All I wanted now is to earn the 50k I lost in September last year to get myself a one room apartment back... As I've mentioned in my old diary ..I sold the one I have and gambled all the money... This really hurts me a lot... Everyday I remember I had a house etc .... Hurts too much... I lost huge amounts of money and still can't stop.

Since I cannot and don't want to be in casinos any longer...it simply makes me feel ill...i am emotionally destroyed.. I decide now and for ever to never place a bet ever .. I will,do this for myself , my family and my girlfriend, who is still around.. I am amazed myself, she too has taken too much...

I handled my mom the remaining 7.5k ... This is the final of my gambling period .. I will make the next part of my life the best of my life, no matter what it takes will remain gamble free until the end of my days.

I've got an appointment with my psychiatrist on the 22nd and plan to tell her about my condition in more detail , hopefully she will give me a better treatment, as the one I'm taking at the moment isn't so effective any longer

Will go out with my gf a bit later and enjoy the rest of the day... What a day ..

What a week...

Keep strong everyone

Instead of thinking negative, turn it positive.

Every day you don't gamble, think of it that you've won.

You could have lost $xx but you didn't gamble, so you've won

Keep your head up and I hope the help - helps.

I am so lost and depressed just don't know where to head to.. lost too much.. i know its not going to come back, not gambling at least so this is why I have to stop. Lost way too much..

Hey myfreedom,

I'am truly sorry for your losses. I've lost tens of thousands myself. I think we just have to remember we haven't lost living. I know it's easier said then done at times, but if we can just try to remember there is more to life then gambling. The way it makes you feel is terrible, there has to be a better way. I posted some info in intros forum under "chart of compulsive gambling and recovery" on relapse. Where now working on that in my group therapy class. Try to get a relapse plan in place for yourself, maybe that will help you stop next time instead of going to place a bet. I wish you the best, stay strong.

Chicagoguy

Third day gamble free , going strong. This time I will succeed !

so depressed today cant even get out of bed,, waiting on friday for my psychiatrist appointment. will watch movies till then .. sleep and thats pretty much it.

Hey myfreedom,

Hang in there, I know it's tuff, but your going to succeed. Just remember everyday your not gambling is a great day. Stay strong, and take it one day at a time.

Chicagoguy

I am more depressed today than yesterday and there are 5 more days until I see my psychiatrist, which worries me. I've been trying to quit smoking unsuccessfully, I mostly believe that I can't quit due to the fact that I become even more depressed ..

I am still gamble free and will remain so, I am having urges to go and gamble but I've made a promise to myself and to my mother that I will never do it again, promise which I will keep, because I want to be freed from this terrible addiction

Stay strong everyone!

Myfreedom,

Sounds like you're in a pretty dark place right now - I have nothing but sympathy for you. At the beginning of this year I was in a state of deep depression, which was truly suffocating. It felt like there was no way out, and I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning to face the world.

Hang in there buddy - you can and will feel better in time. I am not 'fixed' by any means - I still have some good days and some painfully bad ones, but I am much further forwards than I was 2 months ago. One counsellor I spoke with mentioned that when people give up their addictions (drugs / gambling / alcohol) they typically rely more heavily on other things. Hence, giving up smoking at the same time may be particularly difficult for you. This is why lots of people, when they go in to rehab, start smoking much more.

I am not encouraging you to smoke - by any means. But give yourself a break... go easy on yourself. Particularly in the early days, it's about self-preservation, and doing all you can to keep the gambling beast at bay.

You're doing a great thing buddy. Don't give up giving up. Things will get better with time.

D123

Just blew away another $4.7k... trying to recoup my losses .. i;ve got 2.2k ramaining to pay off for my medicine and others coming 2 months or so .. im literally desperate yet calm at this point .. tomorrow is another day..

GAMBLE FREE! (Hopefully)

I DESTROYED A BRIGHT FUTURE AND A LIFE !

PEOPLE STAY AWAY FROM GAMBLING THIS HABBIY STEALS YOUR SOUL AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. IT IS NOTHING BUT A DEVIL'S WORK THAT WILL LEAVE YOU LONELY , EMPTY HEARTED , BROKE AND SO DOWN YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU CAN BE SO DOWN AS GAMBLING CAN MAKE YOU FEEL !

Hi myfreedom I am Quite the same as you, I'm sick of gambling Have lost plenty this week betting maximum stakes and it's just getting boring yet by tomorrow I will have forgotten the sick feeling after losing a load of money, I've started my diary to remember the bad feeling every time I lost, I wish I could bottle it and every time I get the urge I could feel that sinking feeling again! Forget about your loss stop chasing it, you wouldn't stop even if you won your apartment back, try to think every day you don't gamble you are winning the typical amount you would usually bet, this I what I'm going to try to do, hope you sort it good luck

Simply cannot cope with the way I am feeling.. don't know what to do anymore.. I am in such a pain..

Gambled away my last 2.5k .. what next?