Back to square one .. Regaining my freedom

Hey my freedom,

So sorry to hear your having such a rough go. You can do it, don't give in to this addiction. Have you reached out for any counseling? Just a thought, it's helped me out so much. I'am also trying to reconnect with my faith again, been so long for me. Sometimes we just need to say a prayer and ask for a helping hand from above.

Stay strong!

Chiacgoguy

It was not enough to lose all my money, I went on and pawned my cell and a bracelet I had and went on another betting spree ..same result. I come to the conclusion I did not put enough effort into my quitting plan. I still am standing strong and looking forward to coming clean .. I will make the next part of my life the best of my life !

Stay strong and gamble free everyone (there is nothing into gambling besides depression, sorrow, pain, bad health, financial loss, mental breakdown, loss of friends and family loss of self esteem and I could continue with many others that you probably already know but the point is that every day not gambling makes us gamblers winners ! )

I was pretty well recovered from a big depression after losing my house and last money I had.. back in December.. I was ok until I started gambling again.. It is now worse than ever , I am so depressed I cannot even talk to anyone, I am feeling stressed even when my gf calls ..and I feel so lost not seeing a way out of this. I am going downhill bigtime (not eating, drinking not a lot but drinking, not taking my medication..etc) Am I slowly killing myself?

I now decide to quit smoking .. I've been chain smoking since I woke up today and feel pretty bad.. im just going to quit and get into bed and read some book if I can concentrate.. the memories are killing me.. "how it all could have been" is killing me.. my state of mind is simply killing me .. please advise me what I could possibly do to get out of this depression that has been going on for years.. I am so hurt right now .. so down I have never felt so down in my entire life. I hope at least that quitting smoking will make me feel better !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJFaVf9QVJU

Hey Myfreedom,

The only thing I can suggest, is to take up some counseling of some sort. I know Gamcare offers counseling and advice. Can you get to any G.A. meetings in your area at all? I know how the losses hurt, but you really have to try and let go of that, and focus on remaining abstinent from gambling. In time you will start to think clearer and you will heal from the pain gambling caused you. Believe me, it's easier said then done, but the pain I felt from gambling my inheritance my father left me when he passed on was extremely heavy. All I can say is I had to forgive myself and try to move on, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten this far. So hang in there, I support you and so does everybody else on here, as we all have the same goal, stop gambling, and start rebuilding our lives again. Stay strong my friend.

Chicagoguy

Hey Chicagoguy,

I thank you a lot for your kind words. I've seen you are very supportive to many on this forum and I congratulate you for that. I would have myself a lot of advice to give to members of this forum but I abstain from doing so for 2 reasons, I am not yet gamble free not even for one whole day at the moment and secondly I hardly can concentrate to put a post together per day, this is how bad this addiction has hurt me.

I really have no options here, there are no GA meeting around the place I live in, this country is in a pure mess, counseling is something I cannot afford at the moment, I have tried some psychoanalysis, around 100 sessions it has not worked for me .. I have no money whatsoever at the moment and I'm struggling to earn some but I can simply not focus on my work.

I am in a desperate situation here, soon I will probably be kicked out of the house I live in for my mom won't take it forever. I have had bad mood swings lately and I am not a nice person to be around. I have pushed away my girlfriend because of this and what not.. Really don't know what to do.. With personal belongings worth over 2k$ in the pawn shop and no money to go over the next day my thinking is absolutely fogged, I am blocked ..hit rock bottom badly.

MF

I don't see any way out of this mess.. been drinking all day .. spent my last money on some booze and cigarettes.. I am so depressed..

I finally realized, sadly that I have been defeated by the slot machines. There is no way I can beat the odds. These machines are programmed to only take our money (gamblers), and give nothing in return (in the long run). I somehow knew all this, but always thought that, that one day a really big win will come up and cover all my losses. It took me years, and over $200k to realize that once I enter a casino I do nothing else but lose more money, and more importantly without the chance to recoup my losses ever ! The only thing I can now do after all the damage caused is put everything behind and rebuild a new life. It is somehow demoralizing to know that I will never get my loses back but it is the truth. I cannot continue losing more, there is no way I will do that, what is the point? I hate the fact that I never have money, I always end up broke after a gambling spree; and most of the time I have went straight down to 0 from big amounts 50k 25k, 35, 40k ..and so on ... in a matter of hours gambling. I have been a high roller all my life always playing the maximum bet possible. No way in this life I will ever recoup my losses from gambling.

I'm going forwards, starting fresh with no gambling involved in my life ever!

Hey My freedom,

You know you actually hit the nail on the head in your post. To be free of this disease you have to surrender to it first. In your mind wave the white flag, your done. As compulsive gamblers we never win because we don't know how to stop. The best advice I can give you is to come on here and post every day, since there are no G.A. meetings in your area. Some addiction centers have a program to help pay for your fees or reduce them greatly. Don't give up on looking for some extra help, can anyone at Gamcare lead you to anything? Stay strong you have it in you, you just need to direct that energy towards abstinence. Hang in there it does get better, let go of the losses. We all support you on here.

Chicagoguy

Today I will not GAMBLE. There is no point, period.

God bless us all and thank you God for another day.

I have gambled yesterday. My last penny went into the d**n slots once again. I went on an pawned a laptop of mine and got a little over 300$ for it all of it gone in few mins.

I feel like there is no hope, thinking all the time about my loses I just can't help it. I know that the chances of recouping them are almost none but I still continue do end up in casinos and gamble away precious money which I could have used for myself. I can't move on ? Don't know what is hapenning to me really.. I have no motivation to do anything whatsoever, my work is not producing me a penny at the moment, I feel so scared. All I do is sleep my life away to forget the pain.. I feel this life has no meaning any more.. and also I have health issues and not some simple health issues, What can I do ?

Took some of my items out of the pawn shop, I am really amazed I could resist the urge to gamble this time, even though I had some 240$ left ... I did not go. This is a good sign really, I am just fed up with the fact that I give money away to people that really don't need it (Casinos) ...

Day 2 bet free ..yesterday I have not gambled even though I had some money and could have gone and blow it away.

I have a strong feeling I will remain gamble free for the rest of my life. I am so fed up with going and blowing money away and with the destruction gambling has done to my life. I am really starting to realize how much better I could have been without gambling as part of my life. I have lost so much and the pain is unbearable, some days I can hardly see the end of the day, knowing I will just wake up to another day of pain, is a big pain itself, just the thought.. this is what gambling has done to me. So many opportunities lost, friends , time and so on. There is no point for me to continue in this manner and I decide for the remaining of my life, no matter how hard or easy it will be for me to go through life, I will remain gamble free, it is now a choice for me and I hope everyone on this board and other gamblers will choose to remain bet free, just because life is so much more pleasant without gambling, and we simply do not need this type of hazard to go on through life. Just think about it, even if you have gambled since very young as I have done, since 11 , I remember I was free back then, didn't have to worry about much, I was a kid, but since gambling has come into my life everything has turned upside down and my life has been a mess..

I chose today to remain gamble free for the rest of my life as I've said. Yes, I do have lot of problems in my life but gambling will not make it any easier, it will just make the problems worse.

The depression I am going through is a deep depression I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I am sure I will see it once some time passes by. The destruction that gambling has made into my life is so big, I need a lot of time to recover, to accept what is, what was and continue with my life in a normal way, gamble free. But yes I will go through anything gamble free.

Losing a house, loads of money and everything else friends, relationships etc. is not easy but I will not ever enter a casino or place any kind of bet ever in my life. I am sure that once I will dust myself off, and get back on my feet, being gamble free for some time, life will feel better than ever, I am sure about this fact. I have dreamed about this moment for a long time now.. and it did almost come true at one point when I went gamble free for more than 9 months, I was happy, and very confident about myself but I blew it away with that just one bet.

I chose today to let God lead my way and help me go through life with bad or good without gambling. I am planning on restarting my blog on gambling addiction soon, so stay tuned, I will post all my knowledge on my blog about gambling addiction and will announce it here once it will be launched. Might take a while till the launch since I am in a very bad mood, haven't felt so low in my life I am barely able to go through daily simple tasks such as eating and stuff... but this is a dream of mine to help others understand the power of this awful addiction and helping others stop the addiction once and for all, since it has never had, never has, or never will help us with our problems. Gambling just makes life harder than sometimes is.

Today I will be gamble free, the same as I will be tomorrow and the rest of my life!

MF

4/29/2013 - Had a relapse again lost $1k. Done. I am done with Gambling - 3rd time gambling with borrowed money .. This is becoming a bit too dangerous for my type.

I've always gambled my own money, have not borrowed up until this year. This is it. No more for me. This is a promise to myself, that I will keep.

MF

Almost 2 weeks have passed since my last bet. I don't feel any better, still very depressed. I am always wondering if there is anyone out there that is as depressed as I am after they've lost and lost for years. For me the numbers are huge I seem to not be able to put the losses behind me totally. I wrote in my first diary about my losses, its simply crazy. So much money wasted for nothing. For me its more important at the moment to recover from this depression than any money in the world but still suffer the pain of loss. I hardly get out of bed in the morning and feel like I would prefer not to even wake up at all. I even prayed to God that I would not wake up one day to finish with all the pain once and for all. Its simply unbearable. I have lost everything in few blinks of an eye. Everything .. and I worry I've never be able to do everything I've done in the past years.. I have earned good money from my business and now I am a wreck, can't even pull myself together to start working again. Worst above all nobody around to support me.

MF