It's 10 days since I had a big slip and I felt today like I was in hell!
I started to dwell on the loss of money again....I think more so because I really need to get away for a break, not a holiday for the sake of it kind of break but a rest for my mind! I have so much personal s**t going on and no space that I feel I am going under.
It's also been weeks since I heard from my ex who just discarded me like a piece of dirt (nothing at all to do with gambling)...I can't stop the ache and the hurt inside me, actually thinking of taking an antidepressant but hate the thoughts of another drug going in to my system as I am already on meds for lupus and hypertension...I am so so tired of trying to stay positive.
I cried all day...my poor son and daughter must be sick looking at me crying so much. Really don't know what to do as nothing seems to change in my life no matter how I try...sorry for the self pity but I am done in....
I really feel for you Alannah, you sound like you're really going through it right now. I know that there are times when life can seem at best unbelievably hard, and at worst downright impossible.
I can't really offer you much advice, only a great deal of empathy. But try not to look too far into the future, it can seem very foreboding. Try to concentrate on the present and look for the positives in your life. They are there, they are just sometimes hard to find when feeling so very down.
You sound like you very much need to talk to someone in person. Why not make a positive decision and decide to pick up the phone in the morning and chat with someone who may be able to give you some perspective?
Stay strong mate, there's a lot of people here on your side.
Thanks for your reply. Feeling a little better today and a bit more hopeful.
I started with therapy last week and I am meeting a friend from G.A. tomorrow for a chat and will go to a meeting with them.
I guess a lot of it with me is acceptance, not that I have a problem but more that the money is gone and get over it and also my ex is gone and get over him too. I also need to let go.
Will keep moving forward hopefully in the right direction. Thanks again.
by the sounds of it you have 2 great kids , so forget the losses there gone and they are no where near as important or as enriching as your children
It's good to hear that you're sounding a lot more positive.
Have a great weekend and stay strong.
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