Been here before, let's try this again

Hi Adam

And welcome, for so many of us a big win or even a little win is often the start of our problems as we are led to believe we can achieve this win on a regular basis which is completely ridiculous as this would mean that the bookies would permanently lose money and not exist! However, this is not what our brain allows us to reason with, and chases the "high" of the win.

I myself was in a similar amount of debt to yourself at your age, and because i did not sort it, got worse untill i started to address my issues last year (when i was 25). At this point, I have managed to clear a significant proportion of my debt though i still have around £4k left which should be gone within 6 months. The point is that you are young, and if you nip this in the bud, this doesnt have to ruin your life and career and happiness but you need to take it seriously quickly so you can start living life free of gambling - i certainly wish i had earlier.

I wish all the best with counselling, this helped me greatly and am considering going back for more once i can afford it! I am not sure about GA but hopefully someone can advise! in respect of a phone blocking system I am not sure but perhaps someone on here can advise as I was of the understanding that you can get a blocking software for your phone, or maybe even contact your phone provider and see if they can block gambling sites too?

Athena

Thank you Athena for your comment, it sometimes feel I'm the only person in the world feeling like this - but I'm really not!

You are spot on with everything you have said. It's quite laughable how silly the whole process can be. I actually don't think I'm even addicted to winning the money - because if I win, I will just wager through it all. I think I just love the excitement of a big win or getting free spins. Maybe this could be something I can look into. I read another post earlier which suggested an anxiety about money can be a root cause for gambling, and such excitement of big wins provides a temporary relief which can hook the brain to crave it - it certainly makes sense.

I'm glad that you're starting to get your life back together. How have you managed to get over it yourself?

Day 16 (I think).

Had some strange cravings today to just play on free games. I'm pretty sure I'm actually addicted to the games and winning the free spins rather than the actual money win... However I did not give in to that temptation.

Last night was good! Started setting up some savings accounts. Got one for my car, one for Christmas, and ISA and a Treat Fund! I was surprised at how hard it was to find savings accounts that can be accessed via online banking but have withdrawl restrictions. However, I feel a lot better they are set up and combined with my debt repayments, I will be on track to starting to repair the damage.

I'm spending the evening tonight creating a wishlist of things to buy from my treat fund. Such an odd feeling... knowing how much I can buy for £100 - whereas it could be gone in seconds before and I would have NOTHING to show for it. `

Onwards and upwards. Emailed Gamban about a mobile version for IOS and they said it's coming in October so will have to suffer without internet on my phone for a little longer. Totally worth it!

Those cravings I had yesterday seem to have completely gone today. Maybe going for a 3 mile run helped my mental state?

Not much to report today other than it has been a very good day. Looking forward to payday, in 2 weeks. I really need it. Officially starting the savings pot for Christmas. Going to try and save up a little bit more this year so I can really treat myself as the past year any kind of real treats for myself have been non existent.

Hi Adam

You have set yourself a target for a good, nay, fantastic Christmas. You are in control to make it happen. Payday's a while away and you're not going to waste a penny on gambling, because you know you'll lose - we always do - and that leads to misery.

Every morning, when you get up, take a look at a couple dairies if you are able, and resolve to yourself: just for today, I will not gamble. Just promise yourself that one, small simple thing. And, because you are looking after yourself, and giving yourself that positive break you need, you'll stick to that simple vow.

The future is bright Adam. You are in control and, as for the gambling, always remember - you don't have to do this, you know, you don't have to gamble at all!

Be proud of those 16 days and keep building on them. I echo all that mixer said above. Bright future ahead of you, you are young, getting promotions and heading towards a great Xmas (cannot believe we are talking about Xmas already!!). Treat this as a project and keep those targets firmly in your mind and you will be kept busy with all of that. Good luck and hope you keep posting to get support as above.

Parent of a young gambler like you.

Thank you Mixer for your comment, and for taking the time to read through my ramblings. I have successfully managed not to gamble since, however Friday is payday, and I know how quickly that can go badly... But I am feeling optimisted. I have had a real urge of energy to change my life this month. I've been eating better, exercising more, generally feeling more mentally alert and happy. I know I can manage this one day at a time this month - and if I can do this month without gambling - I can do anything. It really feels like my life is starting to come back on track. I actually feel 21 again ha! And by the way, I have taken your advice on board and I am coming on here in the morning to focus my head into the right frame of mind. Works wonders.

Gamparentanon - I really appreciate your comment. I've particularly found it tough as I haven't been able to tell my parents about this. I am too ashamed and embarassed to even play it down to them. So it feels a comfort that someone like you is reading my story - thanks, I really appreciate it. In a very weird way, it seems to help me feel better about it all.

In other news - tried to access the chatroom tonight but it wouldn't display anybody elses messages. Has anyone else had this problem?

Day 15...

Got paid yesterday, and have had 24 hours with the money in the bank... and.... haven't even had a temptation to touch it. Now in the process of paying some bills manually (just to get the money out that account asap just in case), and then I'll be left with an allowance to last me the rest of the month which I will withdraw as cash today.

It's crazy that I've never been able to remain gamble free on payday long enough to even do this task so I am so proud I've been able to do it.

I guess this is the huge challenge now.

Hi Adam

Have been hoping the payday went well and it seems that it has and yes, you should be proud. It is going to be tough but weigh up the feeling of the pressure of not being able to pay those bills and the feeling this weekend of paying them off. Make Make your target to be g-free for each payday. I know you don't want to confide in your parents and none of us know what your relationship is like with them. But most of the parents on here have been alarmed at first but most have eventually uderstood and got down to the task of helping with recovery. While you are not confiding in them I hope I can offer a few snippets of advice and support now and again - so hope you keep in touch with us all on here for a while.

Hello adam808

Well done for getting through payday and paying all your bills. Did you withdraw your spending money as cash as you intended so you couldn't gamble online with it?

Sorry to hear about your experience in the chat room. Could you try using a different browser? We find that firefox seems to work well with it.

Kind regards

Deirdre

Forum Admin

Thank you for your replies - will reply in more detail later as currently running late for work!

Just like to report some bad news... unfortunately last night I bet £10 online. Now... this is somewhat progress as I'd usually bet through all I've got, but a bet is still a bet. And it clearly shows I've missed some sort of important flaw which I need to work on.

I need to be honest with myself so I'm reverting back to Day 1. And tonight I plan to come and figure out how to prevent this from happening once more.

Luckily though, I still have all the cash I withdrawed last week for 'spending money' so for the first time in a while, I will be able to continue this month with money in my pocket after going near a slot machine - which is a positive I guess? I just need to find a way to break the circle now - gambling on my phone so I either need to break access on the phone or restrict money somehow...

Only withdraw in cash what you need at work or if you are feeding yourself, transport etc. Only withdraw cash for absolute necesseties. Ring Gamcare about advice about how you can make it more difficult to gamble on your phone. I still think it is wise to confide in your parents if the slip ups still happen. You will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you can tell them what steps you have taken already to quit. You are already taking steps to recover and you must remember the days you have been gfree and be proud of those days. Your target is to get even further this time. I think you can do it with a bit of self-discipline. It is good that you are treating the last bet as a bit of a relapse and not treating it as because it is only small it is ok. It is also good that you have let people on here know so you can get a bit more support. Have another go at next payday and see what happens. So many people in the same boat as you so you are not totally on your own. Good luck.

Thanks gamparentanon for your inital message before the cockup... I am still very proud it was only a £10 bet, but I need to be honest with myself and on this forum. What is the point of lying on here?! I think you're totally right though, I do need that self-discipline and a strict regieme almost... I am focusing on healthy eating and going to the gym. That coupled with throwing myself into work makes my life more stable and (I'm hoping) will get me to focus on the end goal of remaining gamble free. I've uncovered the blips that caused my £10 bet and I am eradicating them. I know I can do this.

On the plus side... I have managed to remain smoking free for a week, which is something I didn't think I could do!

Regarding the parents... It's given me some thinking time. I feel I could most likely tell my Dad which is something I am hoping to do sooner rather than later. I also think I'm going to tell a close friend as I think that gives me someone to check in with everyday and I wouldn't want to lie to anyone I am close to.

Thanks for checking in with me, it means a lot to know someone listens.

Day 3.

Feeling positive today. Been smoke free ALL week, things feel a lot clearer in general. Signed up for the gym at work so I know next week is going to be hopping onto a new routine of healthy living and exercise which I am craving after all the damage gambling has done to me.

On a side note - has anyone here recieved any counselling from GamCare? I was just wanting some more detail on what it entails to calm my anxiety about it so I can properly go for it and not chicken out at the last minute.