Bluebell's Diary

Agreed Stone. Getting there and thank you. It is like breaking a habit and setting a new routine. Funny how I had such vivid dreams of gambling when I stopped but they have now totally gone. Onwards at all times.

I think this is day 20 now. Yaaassss. I feel like I'm breaking the back of this habit, and a habit it had become. The urges come on when I'm stressed or even when something exciting happens and I'm jumping with adrenaline. Totally have used gambling as a way to soothe myself and as a major distraction. It just numbed me for a bit. Learning how to juggle those feelings. Have gained 4 pounds in 3 weeks as I'm eating more to deal with them so have to be careful not to trade once habit for another.

Day 20 and I have not gambled and I hope anyone reading this is in the same position, and if not ... start today.

Hi ya... and great stuff on your gamble free time. I totally get the thing about putting one addiction down and then seemingly picking up another, says he reaching for another chocolate biscuit. 🙂 But hey ho such is life the search for balance continues..

Keep up the good work... regards... S.A 🙂

Afternoon Blue, congratulations on your 1st 3 weeks 🙂

I think you may have accidentally dropped a post to me onto Suzanne's diary...She won't mind & I just wanted to drop by & say thank-you 🙂

Totally get the swap, I traded mine for crush games initially but it was what I needed at the time! 4 pounds in 3 weeks doesn't sound horrendous given how stressful these weeks will have been but given the history you mention, I implore you to keep an eye on this & be safe! Maybe time for a little exercise to counterbalance the extra calories? Knitting just won't cut it 😉

Good to hear your positivity but ensure that you don't allow any room for complacency to slip in, it is the devil's own disciple!

Keep juggling - ODAAT

Hi ODAAT

Thank you and apologies. Think I'm getting muddled up trying to track who everyone is ... but you and Suzanne are both marvellous in equal measure.

Yes, the eating thing has always been my main vice, which is why I feel the gambling can be more readily knocked on the head as it is nothing compared to my food history. At least with gambling you can draw a line and abstain - but you gotta eat!

Went for a swedish massage today as a reward, but didn't realise how painful these are (!!!) so more or a punishment.

Anyway, keeping vigilant and the urges come and go. Think a bit of exercise would be good. Plan to go swimming tomorrow.

Blue x

Tee Hee, you should probably stick to beauty massages for the time being 😉 My poor Nan had a proper massage @ Changhai airport a few moons ago, I swear she still has the bruises :-0

Yep, you sure are right about needing to eat but I imagine that @ some point the gambling has offered you a mask to your history so be kind to you & make sure you get the help you need to tackle both as they may not act in isolation!

No need to apologise but just so you know, even if it wasn't my diary you read or me you were meaning to post to, I'm keeping the smile 😉

You are doing great! Guard up - ODAAT

Not sure what day I'm on now ... might be 28? Anyway, been ok this week. Lots of stress with upcoming job promotion opportunity and I know that before I would turn to doing a bit of gambling to numb myself from the stress, sort of my way of coping and distracting but at least I'm more aware and alert to this now. I have to find a way to cope with stress better and also being excited too as I do seem to need 'something' to calm me down too. All about emotion.

Still here, still plodding on - feeling good and have got an interview for the promotion so all good.

Hi Bluebella,

Just read the whole of your diary from start to finish.

Keep 'plodding on' as you put it. Its definately worth it when you consider the alternative.

Hi everyone

Well I got the job promotion, which is good news and also a bit of a confidence boost. Also good this was achieved without using gambling to numb the stress of it all. Still get strong urges every now and then but coming on here is all I need as a reminder of where it will all end if I were to be tempted. Hope everyone else is doing ok and finding peace from this too.

I think this is day 42? Been six weeks already and feels much longer but then again until Christmas 2014 when I went crazy for five months I would routinely go months without gambling so not going to get ahead of myself with this. Looking forward to having a summer holiday soon and a good break. Hope others are doing well too.

Thanks NT. Yes, life is good which is why I find having a few strong urges this weekend so frustrating but also typical - trying to sabotage myself or that I can't accept that I'm doing well and have to mitigate that by thinking about being destructive. As I'm sure many of you have also concluded, the gambling is just the symptom and manisfestation of something deeper and darker going on. Gambling, alcoholic, drug addict - it is all the same spectrum. If I deal with the underlying feelings then the need to gamble or whatever else should lessen.

Hope you are doing well too.

It is sweltering today. The sun slows everything down, including the urge to gamble.

Plod plod plod on. Was thinking today how bizarre it feels to have gambled so much money. Such madness. Really helped reading how other people have had the same issue and also the same 'chasing a loss' or spending regular money and thinking 'better go and gamble and win that back'. Crazy and so glad I stopped. If you are reading this anyone, stop now and stay stopped. Seriously. It is the only way.

Hi All. Pleased to report no gambling and this is, I think, week 8. Slowly building up the weeks and days. An urge comes every now and then and I rationalise. Feeling like the 'habit' part has been broken but still know the temptation to 'have a wee go' lurks.

Hope others are doing well too.