Can a compulsive Gambler ever be a cured??

Hi Devonian

I believe that a compulsive gambler can never be cured, i.e. they will always have some thoughts of gambling and some urges to resist, however infrequent they are.

However, it is not a view shared by many on here but I believe that it is possible to arrest the addiction by two methods, either complete abstinence or becoming in control. The majority believe complete abstinence is the only way.

Recovery and progress and methods are all bespoke and each individual should do what is best for them.

I hope your new wife provides the motivation and desire to keep you on the right path. You have done well not to be thinking about gambling for 82 days.

In my periods of abstinence I still think about gambling every day. I still want to gamble every day and believe I always will but I am trying to abstain as my finances are such a mess and I cant stay in control.

Best of luck and keep posting.

So its been a few days since my initial post so thought I would provide a brief update.

There have been no relapses or even urges to gamble which is certainly positive. I know I am only 1 bet or gamble away from un-doing all the hard word I have managed so far and everything comes tumbling down again.

However this time I have a very large reason to stop (not losing my wonderful new wife), as before I'm sure that I wanted to stop but perhaps did not have the necessary motivation.

Had another weekly meeting with our relate councillor who was pleased with the steps I/we had taken by using these means of assistance.

I have probably spent about on average perhaps 3hrs a day trawling through this site and reading various literature in different forums. There are so many that I can relate to and a few have brought me to tears but I believe this is a good sign, as being abroad in Germany I am unable to attend any meetings in the UK.

I realise that I am unable to alter the past but perhaps I will have the opportunity to change the future.

My thoughts are with everyone going through same.

Regards

Devonian

Hi devonion

You said in your post you are Germany based. I spent 4 years posted in Germany with my ex. There is help available to you if you have been advised correctly. I'm only guessing on your occupation tho.

Hi Shelly,

You have a rough idea of my circumstances by the word "posting" in your comment, however it is the wife that this refers to as I am the house husband.

We have spoken to various agencies out here and have been informed that they cater for drink/drug/s*x addiction but not Gambling.

However I am attending Relate and using this forum as a very helpful tool. We could potentially move back to the UK in 12 months time where I would then be in a position to attend regular meetings.

Hope all goes well in your own unfortunate circumstances.

Regards

Devonian

Wish you best of luck mate.

Scottyboy

Hi all,

Well I have now reached day 91 without a gamble, and apart from 1 period of abstinence about 11 years ago this is the longest I have managed.

When I think about it apart from the 1 serious time before did I really want to stop, as was I just kidding myself and in a CG's normal land of self denial??

The thing that has made me happy so far is that I have not had an urges to gamble or even thought about doing so. I am attempting a bit of a lifestyle change in conjunction with my attempts not to gamble in the hope that they will assist each other.

The wife has been a complete rock over these last 3 months, especially as we reach out 6 months of marriage on Sat. She hasn't set up an account on here yet so she can post in friends and family but she has been looking at the forums.

So much that the other morning after breakfast she was getting dressed for work and I started to read out a new members initial post only to hear her say "yeah I've already red that one" - which made me happy.

We are communicating a lot better and a little bit of trust is perhaps starting to re-appear, but there is a long road ahead.

BUT there is the possibility of happiness and longevity in our relationship as long as I don't become complacent and fall back into the clutches of gambling.

Oh and one that might bring a smile on some of your faces but earlier whilst reading some post I saw a few comments 's about fobt's. Had no idea what they were so googled it and came up with "fecal occult blood test".

Then realised it t was those wretched machines in the bookies where I had lost loads...........

Anyway that's enough from me.

Hope everyone's recovery and determination to stop is going strong.

Regards

Devonian

Hi Devonian

Well done on the 91 days abstaining from gambling for any period of time can and will only serve u well

Ur title really caught my eye and provoked my thoughts , on this site many people refer that they want to or will BEAT This problem and I always disagree its my personal view that gambling cannot be beaten but all we can do is make sure that gambling never beats us , for me it will always lie dormant inside me and will rise when I let it

I looked at all the reasons why I gambled and up to now 4 relapses , the main reason is stress and not dealing it with it in my life link that with boredom and it was a recipe for disaster , 2 occasions I lacked complacency and went out with cards money etc when I didn't need to and had a really bad day , for me this could av been prevented but only temporarily , I will never be cured

What interests me for urself the reasons why u gambled was it the stress in life maybe getting married moving to a different country in there is 2 of the most stressful things in life the 3rd been divorce which is the main cause of my stress , maybe now ur married settled in Germany u could say u feel ur life is complete and therefor u may not ever get that urge to gamble again

So for me 2 things to watch out for complacency dont think u r cured even if for the world thats what it looks like and the second the triggers why u gambled if they av been dealt with and u can see the signs then I guess there's every chance u could be cured

All this is just opinions and each recovery is very different , what I would like to thank u for is throwing this question around the forum I feel u will get some great feedback which u can take and put into ur own recovery

I wish u all the best

Castle2

Well I am sat here typing this and have mixed emotions, but for once (thankfully) things are not as bad as that might sound.

I am now 103 days without any form of gambling, and I can honestly say their has been no time during that period where I have wanted to.

Yes I have watched sport, but that is a very big part of my life, I admit I did watch the odd race (maybe 2 or 3), during the recent Ascot festival but this was not out of a betting sense as the horses were never my thing.

In reply to your query Castle2 I am not really sure what my triggers are or were - I thin it was more of a case of that I was a compulsive Gambler and I didn't really need anything to trigger me off - apart from having money as I think that was a bigger enough trigger in itself.

No the reason that I am feeling a bit guilty is that I have not been on the website and reading posts as much as I would have liked to these last 2 weeks.

Home life has been very busy, the wife was in the bracket for the recent phase of compulsory redundancies (which she thankfully wasn't chosen) which has brought understandable stress into the household. I am currently enrolled onto a computer based learning course which has not necessarily been taxing but more time consuming.

A few weeks ago on (UK) Fathers day I didn't get any card or phone call from either of my kids apart from a slating on Facebook and the subsequent repercussions have been felt in the house.

Then this weekend my elderly Mother have a sever stroke which has resulted in her being admitted to the acute stroke unit of the local hospital.

So there is a lot of things going on in my life but thankfully none of them are about gambling. The wife is worried that I might be getting stressed which could cause a relapse but before I never had her to loose - and now I do.

So even though there has been a break in posts here it has nothing to do with gambling.

I sincerely hope that everyone is continuing respective paths of recovery best.

Regards

Devonian

you seem positive in your resolve to beat this Devonian.

103 is a healthy figure for starters,congratulations and build on it.

Having your wife by your side is a massive plus point.

Keep fighting the fight,its not easy but can be done.

Best wishes,

Winning post.

So it is now 119 days now without a bet/gamble or even any inclination to do so. I am not sure if it is a case of I don't want to gamble anymore or whether I know I would lose my wife if I did, but I don't really care as long as it works.

We had a day out last Sat and on the train back on the Sun we passed a building called the "Pink House" - which is basically a legalised brothel as we live in Germany. I commented that on returning from one tour of Iraq one of the lads spent over £1k in one such place on the first night back. To which quick as anything she replied "Yeah, well you've probably done worse when gambling"!!!

She certainly had a point and was yet another reminder what I have done in the past but am hoping that I never do again.

Safeguards are still in place i.e. needing to do a cash consolidation daily but both of us are happy for this to happen.

In yesterdays RELATE meeting she asked me "If you had not have to of owned up to you situation would you have ever told me of your addiction. And why could you not tell me before so I could help???

This brought a mixture of emotions, guilt over the pain I have caused and the fact I took £4.5k (ish) from her account. I replied that I don't really know, however could not tell her before because I wasn't ready to stop gambling.

Things are getting there between us, the trust is slowly starting to return, I have the beginning of getting some self respect back and we are ale to plan things with our disposable income now that I am not gambling.

Anyway as always I wish you all well in your own respective situations however they may be.

We cannot alter the past but we have the chance by our actions and decisions to change our future.

Regards and take care.

Devonian

Devonian,

Just wanted to drop in and offer my support mate... seems you are making some significant strides. Trust between you and your partner is something that will take time - and cannot be rushed. Just like the recovery from gambling, it will be achieved step-by-step, day-by-day and piece by piece - but you can and will get there.

Not sure I've ever commented on your diary before - but the title certainly begs an important question... Can we compulsive gamblers ever be 'cured?' I would say the simple answer is NO - if you're anything like me, you'll always have this weakness / disposition to succumb to the gambling monster. That's something that used to really tear me to pieces - thinking that I'd never beat this and I'd have to bear it for the rest of my life. Certainly, lots of GA meetings I've been to preach this 'incurable illness' that used to intimidate and suffocate me.

The point is that gambling is no longer a noose around my neck. Continued abstinence brings increased clarity of mind + greater understanding. The more I work on recovery, the more I realize that whilst I will always live with the gambling beast, it need not rule my life. The longer I go on, the more I learn techniques and strategies to keep it at bay - and the less stress it brings me.

I wish you all the best.

Keep posting

D123

Well it is now 133 days free without either gambling or having the urge to do so - which I am pleased with.

These last 2 weeks have been what I would call "normal life", the same as anyone else has with their normal day to day routine and ups and downs. However at last the downs are not caused by gambling or any of the associated factors which go hand in hand i.e. lies, deceit, money worries etc.

My relationship with the wife continues to get stronger and improve as each day a little bit of trust is gained back. I have brought her to tears twice this past fortnight but both for good reasons - 1. Buying her a bunch of flowers for no reason other than the fact I love her. 2. Passed her my notebook and asked her to reach a post from here that I was reading, it was very emotional and reminded me of my previous actions.

It has been decided that we would finish our relate sessions as both our councillor and the pair of us think we have potentially made enough progress over these last 4 months to continue alone.

And the flip side of not gambling is becoming obviously apparent, their is money in my bank account (not that I have access to it though I must add). And with this we have ordered a new sofa which gets delivered late today. Previously I would have much preferred to have spent (or should that be LOST) £700 gambling.

What this post is trying to show is that no matter how much of a rut or state of despair any CG's life is in, if you are able to abstain things CAN and WILL get better..

As always I wish all CG's, partners and family members all the best on their respective paths and journeys.

Regards

Devonian

Was out on my own today for a few beers (well 7). Sat outside in the sunshine reading a book.

Walked past the machines twice en-route to toilets and just thought how much of a fool I had been before sat in front of them hour after hour.

There is so much life has to offer WITHOUT gambling.

Now just waiting another 9hrs for the wife to come home after being on duty. Without her I perhaps I might not have stopped, with her I know I have to.

Night everyone.

Hope you can all stay strong.

Devonian.

Well its my Birthday today and gave myself one of my best ever presents........ A Day Without Gambling.

That's now 144, without any urges or wants.

Planning what to do with the wife in her 2 weeks holiday, and looking forward to having money to contribute myself (she has control to my accounts not me).

There can be such a better life without gambling being part of it.

As always I wish everyone else well in their own situations.

Regards

Tony