Changing for the better

No urges and no gambling to report. Big test again tomorrow as I will be out and about.

Just need to keep busy and focussed on what I really want.

That's about it really!

Take care

M

Going well today. Been out as normal. Had no urges but put a few blocks in place just in case.

Left cards etc in my desk and just took bare minimum of cash with me.

Happy at the moment. Don't want to go back to where I was a week or so ago.

Take care all

M

Hi mrt,

Im glad you feel you are moving forward to a more positive place! you are very aware of your emotions and of your triggers and this can only be a good thing.

Chat can be a funny old game, depends who is in, how people are, how animated the discussion is. Maybe chalk this one down, and I hope to see you in there soon?

Take care,

f x

Haven't posted for a couple of days, so a bit of an update.

Still gamble free, still working hard.

Here's the dilema. My problem has always been roulette. Either in the casino, online or fobts. Never had a problem with sports bets etc. In fact, I don't ever recall writing out a betting slip.

Tomorrow night is a customer function at the greyhound track. I'm not particularly concerned, as I've been before and had a bit of fun on the t o t e.

But gambling is gambling.

I'm working hard to stop the roulette problem and I don't want this to be a trigger.

Not going is not an option. Not having a go on the t o t e is, of course, an option. I'll just have to be very aware of what I'm doing as there will be drink involved.

So a bit confused really. Like I say, I'm not trying to give up sports bet, as I've never started. Would be good to join in with the fun but we'll see.

Sorry to mention gambling, but it's my diary and I needed to put this down.

Take care

M

Looking forward to a good night out. Should be a laugh. Few beers and NO roulette!!!

Have a good weekend all

M

hi

once you are careful you will be fine..and dont do any crazy bets like at 500/1 cos if u win that might be the worst thing...i had a lotto ticket in my wallet for over 3 weeks..i checked it yesterday and i won a scratch card...on the scratch card i won 4euro i bought 2 more..wasnt even thinking...then i won 25euro...i was like o*g pls let this stop...i didnt want any off this..i took the 25..but i was close to buying more...just be careful...hope you have a great night...just get drunk..:)

Micheal42

Good night out.

A little drunk must be said!

Good fun, no damage done and no urges to place anything silly.

Night all

M

well done mrt. . Nowt wrong wi few beers. . Keep it going you can do it mate. . We all can.

Hi Mrt1969,

Well done for not having a bet on your day out..I am sure this will make you stronger on your recovery... I like you have had a big problem with those fobt roulette machines in the bookies..never really played them at the beginning was just a horses person..but these last 2 years..they have devasted me !! as you have seen from my diaries 100 pound spins were normal...imagining I knew some number sequence..it is all nonsense and fixed !..I wish you all the best on your recovery and will keep up tp date with your progress.

OK, Not posted for about 6 weeks, so fairly obvious what's been going on.

No financial damage done, but that really isn't the point. I haven't come back because of a big loss, I'm just bored with the whole bookie roulette gambling thing now.

Sure I was getting a buzz out of it, even if I didn't come out up. But so much time wasted. That's the biggest crime. A lot of people say you have to hit rock bottom before you stop. Never want to get to that stage. So for that I'm grateful. Today for example... came to work not much cash on me, popped out for what should only have been about half an hour, played on the fobts. Put my one and only £20 note in and started to win. No emotion whatsoever! Other people started to watch, started to win more, still no emotion! The spectators drifted away to their own gambling, and with that the profit went.

Found myself not caring about winning or losing, so really what is the point? Hardly sociable is it?

Spring is here. Golf courses are drying up. Kids deserve more of my time. (Think I may have got that in the wrong order!) Time to stop me thinks.

Will try and catch up in chat later.

Take care all.

M

Phoned netline this evening. This is the first time I have actually spoken to anyone about the gambling issues I have.

Clearly a phone call I should have made many months ago.

I cannot beat the bookies as I cannot stop if I win, but I'm sure as hell going to beat this disease.

I will post daily and phone netline daily if that's what it takes.

Enough time, money and emotion wasted.

Time to take back control and make this post reallity instead of a collection if meaningless words.

M

Today I will not gamble.

M

Seems I'm just wasting my life at the moment. A life that until 4 years ago was happy, contented and in control.

My focus for all things important has been replaced by chasing dreams that will never come true. And for what? Am I really going to win a life changing amount of money on a machine that has a top prize of £500? No. What I am able to do is waste too much time and too much money losing and making things difficult.

I have confided in no one. People around me must be wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

I feel that at the moment I am not going to burden anyone else with this, so it's me, willpower and this forum.

I have read and re-read some threads from long time posters on here. I needed something, anything, to give me a kick. And I think I found it.

I no longer wish to gamble. I will not win. I WILL change things. For me and those around me.

Take care all

M

20 minutes have passed and the pathetic self pity has been replaced with determination, anger and Christ knows what else!

Just been reading and reading and reading. If that's what I need to do then so be it.

Work has definitely suffered. I need to change that NOW. The people that work for me deserve that at the very least. The kid's deserve a father who pays them all the attention that they crave. And my wife deserves a better more caring husband.

I can't take on the world, that I do know. But I can change me. And if I do that, then those around me will have a better time.

This is my lucid moment I suppose. Time to fight back.

Hi M

Check the date you started this diary m8.Then check mine.Almost the same.

That wasnt 7 months away.Im very happy with my progress m8 and its not exactly a long time,but it is an achievement.You could have been the same.Have a quick flick through my diary mrt and see the difference from the start to the present.

You will be happy with your progress in another 6 months,because it now seems to me that you are really ready to stop.Your last line to me says it all.TIME TO FIGHT BACK.Lets do it mrt.All the best Jeff.