Hi
While I am in meetings I am not gambling.
While I am in meetings I am not hurting my self or others.
My conscience is based up on spirtual values.
Having a conscience means I feel guilty and ashamed when I say or do some thing which is unhealthy.
There is nothing healthy about living in my pains or fears and being stunted by the pains of my past.
For me the word recovery means healing, in time I give up being unhealthy and take up a much healthier life and heal my hurt inner child.
In the meetings I get to understand no one could stop my gambling, that was going to be my choice each day as I get healthier.
I would understand that gambling was a way of escaping in my fears.
In time as I shared more in the rercovery program I would heal my pains, face my fears and become much more self sufficient.
The gambling establishment never hurt me I hurt my self.
The gambling establishment never lied to me I lied to my self.
The gambling for me was a very unhealthy reaction due to the simple fact I could not cope emotionally.
Each time I gambled I made thinsg much worse in my life.
Each time I gambled I caused more pain on my self, I caused more fears on my self, I caused my self to feel even more emotionally vulnerable.
The rest of the world can gamble that is their choice, I am accepting of that.
By attending meetings I become more emotionally detached from all aspecst of gambling.
By attending meetings and sharing therapies each day I would make many more healthy choices with my day.
By attending meetings I would learn to heal my pains, I would learn to face my fears, I would learn to reduce my unreasonabale expectations of life people and situations.
I would take up healthy hobbies, I would take each unhealthy habit and make it in to a healthy habit.
Each day I would have more focus on my needs my wants and also I would achieve reaching healthy goals in my life today.
The very last thing I want to do today is gamble.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
Walking in to the recovery program I certainly honestly thought that I would be the last person on this planet to stop gambling,
Each time I broke out gambling I did not want to go back to the meetings because I felt such a failure.
How could I honesly think that some thing that which was so self destructive to be happiness.
Now I understand that my addiction was not happiness but it was running away in fear when I could nto cope.
Is Gambling unhealthy for me, yes for sure.
Is living on fear based adrenaline healthy for me.
Each time I broke out gambling I would get to understand what my last emotional trigger was.
I felt that I could not articualte what my feelings and emotions were.
Once I gave up talking about money action and gambling I thenstart to open up to giving therapies.
I got to understand when I was vulnerable and how to be settled with in my self.
In time I got to respect my self more.
In time I got to love my self more.
In time I got to feel healthier in my self more.
Recovery means healing for me.
Love and peace for every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi every one.
People often refer to procrastination yet do we understand the reasons why, is it lack confidence, is it lack of self-esteem, is it lack of self-worth, fear of trying, fear of humiliation, fear of not pleasing people, was it lack of nurturing and encouragement, towards me.
For me procrastination is unhealthy for me, in every way.
Am I allowing procrastination to limit me living my life to the fullest each day?
With procrastination, I needed to identify face and reduce my fears one by one.
Boredom was one of my emotional triggers, it was due to my procrastination and having lack of faith and confidence in myself.
Sticking with healing, recovering and overcoming procrastination really accelerated my recovery.
How committed am I in writing down my needs, my wants and my goals
Another thing was not able to ask for help.
I now know that asking for guidance and to get people to show me how to do things was very helpful.
The simple fact is someone shows me how to do it and I do it myself. That is part of my learning curve.
By doing things no matter how imperfect they are, each time I learn something new healthy for me and for next time.
At one time I tried doing dry wall with my wife, we did the garage and then after that we did about 70% of our basement, it was very rewarding and helped raise our confidence.
Each day we make a list of things for the next day.
Writing down our needs, our wants and our goals is very focused and very rewarding.
Over time it got easier understanding the difference from our needs and our wants.
Procrastination is not very healthy, procrastination is a complete waste of time and energy, procrastination is white knuckling my recovery.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
That's pretty strong stuff Dave, I admit I am a procrastinater aswell as a big dreamer too. Not the most healthy combination. I find my anxiety is what affects me most in important decisions so I start to procrastinate over all the my problems too much.
Thanks for sharing
Dave101
Hi
It was also very hard for me.
By attending meetngs and by daily writing down my needs my wants and my goals I got far more focused on those things that were healthy for me.
Just by abstaining only was doing hard time.
Getting involved with healthy choices made it much simpler for me.
The addictions and obsessions were just just a away of me not facing my self.
I use to think that having anger hatred of Gambling establishments and the staff would help me.
No living in anger just made recovery harder for me.
The Gambling establishments and the Gambling staff never made me do any thing I did not want to do.
The recovery pro0gram was abaout healing in my pains not living in them.
The Gambling establishments and the Gambling staff never made me lie, I did that my self.
By me blaming Gambling establishments and the Gambling staff I was nto taking full responsibility for my actions and my words.
Please put all the effort and time you can in to your recovery program.
You will be the person who gets the most out of it.
I have been in recovery since 1969.
I have been clean in recovery since 1992.
Sadly people d not get what recovery is about right away.
Once you find recovery you will no longer wnat to go back to pains fears and frsutrations ever again.
My healing and my recovery today has nothing to do about money or gambling.
For me addictions and obsessions were just just the symptoms that I was running away from thinsg I could not cope with.
Love and peace to you and your family.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
I understand that my addictions and obsession were a form of escaping how I felt.
My addictions and obsession just indciated that I was emotionally vulnerable.
Being emotionally vulnerable does not mean we are weak people.
The truth is often we are very strong people because we have survived some painful expereinces.
By me attending meetings I got to understand learn what my emotional triggers were.
My emotional triggers were to my pains not healed, to my fears not faced or reduced, to my frsutrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, to my avoiding emotional intimacy and the final thing being boredom.
By going to meeting I learn to abstain from Gambling and also exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
By abstaining from Gambling I reduced my running away in my fears.
By abstaining from Gambling I was abale to focus on writing down my needs, writing down my wants, and in time writing down my goals.
For me to go Gambling was unhealthy and often it wasa form of self abuse.
I remain clean from Gambling by saying just for today I will not gamble.
In the recovery program I learn and understand how to exchange my unhealthy reactions to people lief and situations in to healthy inter actions to people life and situations.
I remian in the recovery program because I know and understand I can become more and more healthy.
I am a non religious person so if I can do it any one can.
Love and peace to eveery one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
Hi
The recovery program is about us healing our pains.
The recovery program is about not living in the pains of our past.
For me the addictions and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.
The pains in my life were there before my addictions and obsessions came out to the surface.
Guilt shame regret hatred indicated that I was still living in my pains of the past.
The healing process tkes time and I understand that living in the pains of my past left me in the fears of my past.
Only when we can heal our pains and face our fears can we ever live healthy intimate relationships again.
The addict is a very unhealthy vulnerable person who has lost his way and his life.
Can we all find a healthy healing and be abale to live fully at peace with our self today.
Dave L
Hi
I was attending meetings bt found some times I felt emotionally vulnerable Saturday mornings.
Then one Saturday my wife asked me how I was feeling, I told her that I felt very emotionally vulnerable on Saturdays, with in a second she said get your coat on we are going out.
I asked where to and she just smiled and said we will know when we get there.
Well we did get out of the home and finished up going ten pin bowling.
With in 2 or 3 weeks it was a regular things me my wife and my son ten pin bowling.
After that time I did not get stressed out on Saturdays I looked forward to it.
By exchanging an unhealthy habit in to a healthy habit I made life so much easier.
If a boss asked me to work for a month with out pay what would I say or feel.
Yet I would work hard for my money for a month and then give it away and get nothing in return.
For me today Gambling is complete waste of time and energy.
For me just for today I do not want or need to gamble.
I have no issues with other people Gambling that is their choice.
It was funny that often I would meet people I use to gamble away with.
When I told them I was going to meetings and was clean for years some how they did not beleive me.
Before my recovery I did not beleive in me, I use to feel like Gambling controlled my life.
Now I have the choice to become ehalthier an more self sufficient in my life.
In the old days the only time I felt that I was succesful was getting some thing for nothing or getting some thing cheap.
I even use to go Dump diving, very sad of me.
I never thought that I could live such a healthy full life.
I never thought that I could heal my pains and face my fears.
Dave L
Hi
During my very unhealthy addiction times I found out that I was working hard yet got nothing for my time and my efforts.
How could I think that causing my self so much pan was in any way healthy.
I am a very healthy person who does not want to go back to those very painful days any more.
I no longer want to lie to my self any more.
Feeling healthy pain free and more self sufficient living my life is no longer painful for me today.
The gambling establishments was where I went to cause my self more pain more fears and suffering.
Money on its own was never going to heal my pains.
Money on its own was never going to reduce my fears.
Money on its own was never going to help me love my self.
Money on its own was never going to help me respect my self.
Today I do not need or want to gamble.
Today I do not need or want to get drunk.
Today I do not need or want to hate my self.
Today I do need and want to heal the hurt inner child in me even more.
Today I do not need or want to be in any gambling establishment trying to run away from my self or my family.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
Hi
By handing over all our finances was one of the best things I did on entering the recovery progra.
Money was the fuel for me escaping to gambling.
It seemed impossible to just have small amounts of money on me.
Yet I also understood that money was also a control issues for me.
At the beginning of my recovery certainly neededmore than one meeting per week.
I traveled from Kent to North london to attend meeting which was very much focused on therapies.
The funny thing was that often in meetings they raised more questions than answers.
So I have on many occasions been out side talking after meetings for several hours.
When I go away to different places I often find that peopel want to talk for hours after the meetings.
Only by me abstaing could I start to heal my emotional pains and my trauma.
In time I was able to talk about how much abuse I suffered in my life.
I became very fearless in time.
The less fear in the meetings the more open people can be.
I have invested over 53 years going to meetings.
This last week alone I have been to 4 meetings.
All this time and meetings have had some very powerful healthy consequences.
No regrets going to meetings.
I never fully understood how emotionally vulnerable I use to be from day one in meetings..
Love and peace to everyone.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
I heard a man say he was glad that he was a compulsive gambler.
My instant reaction to such a wild statement I thought that the man must have been insane.
Then he explained that had it not been for him being in the recovery program he would have learned how unhealthy he was.
Yet being in recovery he got to understood how he was consuumed by his addictions and obsessions.
Yet it came about by him being honest about him self.
People being in the recovery program he was abale to abstain for long periods of time yet also learn to heal his pains.
Like many people I use to think that I was a loner and a loser.
In time I was able to abstain from some of my very unhealthy habits and to take up some very healthy habits.
I am a non religious person yet as I got healthy I understood that my conscience was very much spirtual based thing.
I use to think that gambling controlled my life.
The simple truth that due to pains in my life had not healed or resolved I would live in high levels of my fears.
I can say today that every pain caused so many fears in me that I did not understand.
Because I was so emotionally vulnerable I would try to escape my feelings and emotions.
Because I was so emotionally vulnerable I would try to escape people life and sitautions when they did not go my way.
Today I do not want or need to gamble.
When I gambled it simply made things much worse.
Being in the recovery program is and was a very healthy thing to do.
No more living in fear anxiety stress, no more reacting in some very unhealthy ways.
Because of the pains and traumas of my past I got to understand that even though I felt like a vcitim I was already proven to be a survivor many times over.
The was physical abuse, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, abandonment, rejection, I was cut with a knife,I was cut with a bottle, I was hit and run twice, I was beaten up and kciked by 4 or 5 people at once time.
There was a lot of unhealed pains in me, I lived in so many fear, I felt like being a victim for the whole of my life with out any chcoices to change that fact.
Now I have not gambled in a long time, why then do I still attend meetings.
Because I know deep down I can be so much healthier in my life.
Being in the recovery program is about humbled to be an equal to all the people in the rooms of the recovery program.
The recovery program is very much learning how to climb mountains in the safest way possible by being tied emotionally to like minded people.
We do in effect learn from others in how to become more healthier in our every day life.
I now know that in order to heal my hurt inner child would not only take time but would also helped by my reducing my fears and opening up to some very honest therapies.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
I use to be so afriad of even walking in the rooms of the recovery program from day.
As each person gave a therapy their fears reduced and their honesty grew even more.
They strength and guidance became my strength and I was openeing up to emotional intimacy.
I am not aloner today.
My days of procrastinating are reducing.
The strength of the meeting became my inner strength.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
I am a non-religious person, yet I do embrace spiritual values which is what my conscience is based up on.
The gambling was a big adrenaline rush for me, the bigger the risk the bigger the buzz.
When I went gambling, I was being very self-destructive and being very unhealthy.
In time I got to understand that the meaning of recovery for me was about healing my pains.
It was not possible to heal my pains all the time I was causing myself more pains.
Some people will think that abstaining only is recovery, which was not so for me.
Once I was able to abstain from unhealthy habits only then I could exchange unhealthy habits into healthy habits.
In time I gave up carrying money on my person, I gave up my finances which was scary yet very helpful.
The simple fact I could not trust myself with money.
The money was the fuel for my addiction.
No one made me gamble, no one could stop me gambling.
No one made me lie, I told lies because I was so consumed with fears.
Every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
When I walked into the recovery program I was consumed with fears.
When I walked into the recovery program, I did not understand how unhealthy I was.
In time I was able to abstain from gambling, yet I would go back time and time again.
Every time I went back to gambling helped me understand what my last emotional triggers were.
For me understand what my last emotional triggers were was very important to finding a healthier life.
A healthy person will not live in fear.
A healthy person will learn to heal their pains.
A healthy person will learn to face their fears.
A healthy person will learn to reduce their unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
A healthy person will learn to exchange unhealthy habits into healthy habits.
A healthy person will stop reacting in anger and give u feeling inept inadequate insecure and fins a much healthier life without addictions controlling our life.
The addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Hi
No matter how long you are clean of your addiction clean time can not be lost.
Each time I gambled it was very important to get back to the meetings.
Each time I gambled it was very important to understand my last emotional trigger.
Learn to heal your pains.
Learn to reduce your fears.
Learn to reduce your reduce your expectations lof life people and situations.
Learn to use your telephone list.
Learn to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Learn to write down your needs your wants and your goals daily.
Cross out even item your acomplish from your list.
Learn to respect your self.
Learn to Love your self.
Learn to be aptienta dn tolerant with your self.
Once you are committed to your recovery you stop working for nothing.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
Dave of Beckenham
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