Clean time can not be lost, understand your emotional triggers, be kind and gentle to your self, respect your self, love your self. Learn from the past pains do not live in them.

Hi

The person I feared being honest with was my self.

I walked in to the recovery program not knowing or understanding how emotionally vulnerable.

The last few gambling escapes I did not know or understand how much pain and trauma I was causig my self.

With more honesty comes more trust and the more I reduce my fears.

By going to very unhealthy habits like gambling getting drunk or obsesssions I was not healing my pains.

No matter how much money in the world there was money was never going to heal my pains or reduce my fears.

By going back to very very unhealthy habits of gambling I made things worse.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

Dave of Beckenham

Hi

I am pleased that I found the healthy rooms of recovery.

My recovery was very much speeded up by going to meetings where there was deep therapies.

As I opened up more and more emotionally my fears reduced and my trust grew.

The more honest I was the less fear was in me.

The addictions and obsessions were just indicators that I was emotionally vulnerable.

My emotional triggers were my pains I could not heal.

My emotional triggers were my fears I could not reduce or face.

My emotional triggers were my unreasonable expectations of people lief and situations.

My emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness and boredom.

I am a non religious person.

I am a person who makes good use of my time and energy.

I am a person who has become more self sufficient.

I write down my needs my wants and my goals.

By writing thinsg down I get more focused and more motivated.

When I was walked out of school at 15 years of age I had no qualifications what so ever.

I found the recovery program and was inspired by people therapies and their honesty.

I humbled my self to be an equal to all people in and out of recovery.

I understood that if we are all equals what ever another person can do I can do.

By sharing by working together finding new goals we can achieve so much more out of our life.

Before my recovery the only way I felt succesful was by getting money gambling or gettings some thing for nothing.

I use to even dump dive to find things for nothing.

Regards our home if a job needs doing I buy the tools and find out hwo to do the job my self.

By buying tools pays for getting jobs done.

I use to ask people to do things for me.

Then I asked people to show me how to do things for myself.

Before my recovery I use to waste so much time and did very little with my time.

By becoming healthier.

By healing my hurt inner child I am more open to healthy intimacy in my life today.

In and out of meettings I am more emotionally connected with all people in my life.

The most important things in my life today is healthy intimate relationships and using my time wisely.

I have been in the recovery program since 1969 and it is a very healthy good investment in my life.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

On walking into the recovery program, my addictions controlled my life and my thinking.

In time I would understand the addictions and obsessions were the symptoms, they only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable, and I had certain emotional triggers.

I heard people talking about their clean time and I found it extremely hard to believe them.

I was advised by other members that by attending meetings I life in time would become much healthier.

No one made me talk that became my choice when I was ready to do so.

I thought that clean time would mean everything to me.

Yet in time I would learn that it was my healthy actions and my healthy words and relationships that would make a significant difference to how I felt about myself.

Going against my own conscience hurt me and other people.

I was often reminded me being so very unhealthy was not about the lack of money, but the continuous lies I told repeatedly.

I was reminded that my lies were a betrayal of our relationship and that the betrayal was very painful to my family.

Yet most of the time I was so focused on getting money and money lost, 

The gambling was very much adrenaline based for me, we use to call it the buzz, I use to think that buzz was happiness, how ever could I get so confused and so lost in my life.

In time I did talk sadly about money and gambling I could not or would not talk about my feelings emotions or how vulnerable I was.

As the habit of therapies started to grow so did my recovery, I was able to see and feel myself in other people.

Some people could not help but talk about being bad good evil dumb stupid of just no good, and in time I understood I was non of those I was just being so very unhealthy.

The like-minded people in recovery were more at peace, more tolerant, they demonstrated to me inner peace sincerity honesty and kindness caring empathy and respect. 

What they had I wanted, yet at first, I thought it was impossible for me to reach that level in my recovery.

My recovery was terribly slow and painful, sometimes only days off gambling, then months, then one time 11 months and two weeks then I gambled.

Talking to people you were asked what the build were up, what were your emotional triggers, was my fuse short or did it take weeks to reach a breaking point.

In the meetings opening more I would learn to articulate my feelings and my emotions.

So, my time off grew and grew and then I understood what was important was the quality of my recovery not time off, was I able to be honest with out being cruel, was I able to be nurturing and encouraging towards myself, was I able to have empathy towards myself and my hurt inner child.

Was I able to patient and tolerant with myself, was my emotional intimacy growing towards myself and towards other people?

Have I stopped beating myself up?

The question what my emotional age was walking in to the recovery program when I was physically about 22 years of age, and what is my emotional age today, how honest am I with myself today.

What levels of fear do I have today out of ten?

What levels of pains have been healed today out of ten.

What levels of frustrations do I have today out of ten?

What levels of intimacy do I have with myself today out of ten?

What levels of intimacy do I have with people close to me today out of ten?

What levels of boredom do I have with myself today out of ten?

What levels of patience and tolerance do I have with myself today out of ten?

How many goals do I have in mind today?

Do I in any way fear being myself today?

How much more do I need to heal my hurt inner child today.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK.

Hi

Before my recovery I use to think that being angry was normal.

Before my recovery I use to think that living in fears was normal.

Before my recovery I use to think that telling lies would keep me safe.

Before my recovery I use to think that money would make me feel succesful.

Before my recovery I use to think that keeping secrets was the only way to live my life.

I walked in to the recovery program ignorant as to how unhealthy I was.

I thought that once I abstained from gambling I would be healthy.

Only once I abstained from gambling I found that healing my pains would only start then.

During my life I had been cut open with a knife.

I had been cut open with a broken bottle.

I had been hit and run twice both people got away with it.

There were many other forms of abuse I expereinced.

I woke up to how unhealthy I was.

I woke up to fact that I had been a victim due to may forms of abuse and that I was a survivor.

When I walked in to the recovery program I did nto ahve a clue how much I was missing in my life.

I did Karate for two years then found out after all that training I had huge fears of agression.

By sticking with my recovery I got to know myself mroe and more.

In my recovery I got to understand how much more potential there was in me.

Time spent in my recovery was a very healthy investment in to myself.

By investment in to your self you can achieve so much more with your life.

And one very powerful thing is that fearless intimacy becomes a big part in my every day life.

No more guilt shame regret you are open to the world.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Respect and Inner Beuty comes from having healthy spirtual values and a healthy conscience. My healthy actions and healthy words is an expressioon of my healthy values. If I am not able to respect my self I am unable to respect other people. If I am not able to love my self I am unable to love other people. My conscience is based up on my healthy spirtual values. When I say or do some thing which adversely affects me or other people I cause my self pains and grief. Guilt shame regret anxiety indicate that I have a heaslthy conscience. Guilt shame regret anxiety indicate that I am not healing my pains or facing my fears.