I am a non religious person yet I embrace healthy spirtual values today.
Intimacy is often thought as being a physical thing, for me intimacy is about emotional connections, this can only happen once my fears were reduced, my fears were as a result of my pains of my past.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Hi
Every time was a lesson if I was willing to learn from it.
There is nothing healthy about beating our self up.
We need to heal pains not keep hurting our self.
Dave L
Hi
Procrastination for me is not being very healthy. Is our procrastination due to lack of confidence is it fear based, what reason do we use when we do nto get thinsg done. For me procrastination is not very healthy. In writing down my needs and my wants and my goals I am being focused and I am more committed. When I procrastination I am cheating myself. At one time I did most things reluctantly or resntfully. I use to hate Mondays, I even use to wish my life away. I use to fear asking for help. I use to fear not getting things done perfectly. I use to fear what people thought of me. The idea of writing thinsg down was hard. When I procrastinate I am not being self sufficient. Making plans now si so much easier. Not living things to the last moment I am no longer stressing my self out. I view being self sufficient is important to my well being and my growth. When I have full active productive days I feel good about my self. Thank you..
Hi
Before recovery I was a very lost lonely vulnerable unhealthy person.
No one could stop me being self destructive.
The recovery program for me means healing my pains.
All the time I kept saying I was fine was a lie.
Only when I got honest with my self and decided I both needed and wanted to become a much healthier person would it happened.
The addiction and the obsessions were just the symptoms that I was very unhealthy and very vulnerable.
With my honest therapies came reduction in my fears, and more trust in me grew.
I am an equal to all people.
I no longer need or want to escape in fear to my addictions or obsesssions.
I no longer want to be aloner.
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Hi
I am a non religious person.
If I can find a healthy fearless productive life any one can.
If I can take all of my unhealthy habits and change them in to healthy habits any one can.
Going to gambling was a form of escape in my fears.
I was self destructive not the same thing.
Being 36 days gambling free is very healthy.
I am not attacking my unhealthy habits I surrender to them, they are not healthy for me.
I want to have a healthy healed inner child and a healthy adult life.
How much time and energy am I willing t out in to my recovery.
I am willing to use the telephone list.
I am willing to ask questions and ask for help.
I want to fully understand my self.
I want no anger in my life today.
I want no fear in my life today.
I do not want or need to Gamble today.
I do not want or need to get drunk today.
I do not want or need to get smoke today.
I do not want or need to keep a closed mind today.
I do not want or need to buy peoples freindship today.
I do not want or need to fear emotional intimacy today.
I dont want to be afraid of any thing or any one any more.
I want to face and reduce my fears.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
Gambling establishments never hurt me I hurt my self.
Gambling establishments never lied to me I lied to myself.
Gambling establishments for me are unhealthy places to go for me.
Gambling establishments were places I gave all money to when I was living in to much fear.
I am a non religious person.
I have been in the recovery program for over 52 years.
I have not gambled in over 30 years.
If I have not gambled for so long today.
Abstaining from gambling once, I abstained for long periods of time only then could I start ot heal the pains fo my hurt inner child.
Abstaining from gambling once, I could start to live my life with out any fears in me.
Walking in to recovery my fears were fear of rejection and or abandonment, fear of telling the truth, fear of being accountable, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of being let down, fear of fear of humiliation, fear of loneliness, fear of the dentist, fear of the doctors, fear of injections, fear of betrayal, fear of disappointing people, fear of what people thought of me, fear of speaking up for myself, fear of being the victim, fear of aggression and confrontation, fear of letting people down, fear of validating myself, fear of taking a compliment, fear of the doctors, fear of the opposite s*x, fear of being committed, fear of Christmas, fear of Tax time, fear of writing my needs my wants and my goals, fear of writing down the pain and abuse I experienced in my life, fear of writing down injuries to my body, fear of writing down the emotional abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the physical abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the sexual abuse I experienced, fear of being myself, fear of my failings, fear of guilt shame regret remorse, fear of therapies, fear of being a loner, fear of setting boundaries, fear of having a voice to stand up for myself, fear of strangers, fear of healing my pains, fear of being a victim, fear of not making it, fear of people faces when they got to know me.
This list seems impossible looking at them in one lump.
Fear restricted me; fear froze me in the traumas of my past.
I took my worst fear, the 10 out of 10 and I asked myself what is the very worst that can happen.
Only once I was willing to accept the very worst that could happen would the level of my fears reduce.
How many times, how many years have we feared the Tax man, or the tax period, it is the same fear year after year, then I decide to put money in each month to cover payment to the tax man, which reduces my fears.
Dave L
Hi
Being in the recovery program is not about who is right or worng.
Being in the recovery program is about healing and finding a much healthier life today.
Being in the recovery program is about exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Each time I went to gambling was a form of escape and also self abuse.
Being in the recovery program is about being able to articulate my feelings and emotions in a healthy way.
Being in the recovery program is about exchanging unhealthy reactions in to healthy interaactions.
Being in the recovery program helped me reduce my fears.
Being in the recovery program helped me reduce my frsutrations.
Being in the recovery program helped me reduce my fears of emotional intimacy.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
Just for today the very last thing I want to do is gamble.
I am a non religious person and found that I gambled to escape in my fears because i could not cope with how my feelings and emotions were.
Each time I gambled I made things and life so much harder.
By attending meetings often raised more questions than answers.
Why did I gamble, it was very much fear based running away from my self and my world.
When I gambled I caused my self more and more pain, and with pain comes more fears.
The reason I lied was because I feared pain rejection and abandonment.
Only once I abstained from unhealthy habits could the healing process start in my life.
By attending meetings I would no longer be focused and talk about money lost.
By attending meetings I would get to open up and give therapies.
By attending meetings I would and give therapies, my fears would reduce, my trust would grow and grow.
As fear reduces I would get in to emotional intimacy with my self and then with other people.
Living in guilt and shame was me living in the pains of my past.
How much time and effort will I invest in to my recovery program.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
aka Dave of Beckenham
Hi
My addiction and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was and how I use toe scape in my fears.
The recovery program helped me get more honest with myself.
The recovery program helped me open up in my therapies.
It was important once I got in to the recovery program that I went for my self.
No matter when I last gambled that I kept going back to the recovery program.
Only once I get honest with my self could I get more honest with people around me.
My wife asked me one thing that each day if she asked me if I gambled that I was honest with her.
ONLY once I abstained from my addiction could the healing process would start on my hurt inner child.
My addictions and obsessions were the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, when I could not cope with my feelings and emotions I would escape in unhealthy ways.
My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal.
My emotional triggers fears I could not face or reduce.
My emotional triggers my unreasonable expectations I could not reduce,
My emotional triggers were loneliness due to my fears of intimacy.
My emotional triggers were boredom due the fact I felt I did not feel worthwhile or productive in my life.
Being aware of when I was emotional vulnerable and understood my emotional triggers, I would reduce my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations I had no control over.
My emotional triggers were unhealthy reactions which were very much fear based.
Only once I started taking my recovery seriously would I exchange unhealthy reactions and replace them with healthy interactions.
The number of fears I had were many, fear of rejection and or abandonment, fear of telling the truth, fear of being accountable, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of being let down, fear of fear of humiliation, fear of loneliness, fear of the dentist, fear of the doctors, fear of injections, fear of betrayal, fear of disappointing people, fear of what people thought of me, fear of speaking up for myself, fear of being the victim, fear of aggression and confrontation, fear of letting people down, fear of validating myself, fear of taking a compliment, fear of the doctors, fear of the opposite s*x, fear of being committed, fear of Christmas, fear of Tax time, fear of writing my needs my wants and my goals, fear of writing down the pain and abuse I experienced in my life, fear of writing down injuries to my body, fear of writing down the emotional abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the physical abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the sexual abuse I experienced, fear of being myself, fear of my failings, fear of guilt shame regret remorse, fear of therapies, fear of being a loner, fear of setting boundaries, fear of having a voice to stand up for myself, fear of strangers, fear of healing my pains, fear of being a victim, fear of not making it, fear of people faces when they got to know me.
This list seems impossible looking at them in one lump.
Fear restricted me; fear froze me in the traumas of my past.
The recovery program helped me help my self.
The recovery program helped me open up to therapies and I would be able to articulate more about my feelings and emotions.
Ony once I could respect my self could I respect other people.
Ony once I could love my self could I love other people.
Ony once I had intimacy with my could I have intimacy with other people.
When asked how I was when I said I am fine I was lying to my self.
The recovery program helped me get more honest with myself.
The recovery program helped me write down my daily needs.
The recovery program helped me write down my daily wants.
The recovery program helped me trust my self with money.
Yet I needed to only carry my simplest needs of money on me may be 10 or 20 a day.
Just enough for a meal or coffee.
I would learn the value of money and respect my self and money.
In being open and honest and fearless could I be open up to healthy intimacy.
By peeling back the onion tears would flow and my hurt inner child would not live in fear any more.
Once pains are healed, the fears are faced and reduced, that my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations are reduced could the hurt inner child come out to play.
In healing my pains I would be open and no longer live in any fears.
My fears restricted me from living my life to the full.
My fears restricted me from having healthy intimacy with my self and with other people.
The recovery program often raises more questions than answers.
Meetings afer the main meetings will allow us to talk out understanding of every part of the recovery program.
Connecting with emotionally healthy people who are both nurturing and encouraging will speed our recovery.
The recovery program starts off by reading text in books.
I am a non religious person and reacted to the mention of God and religion in unhealthy ways.
In time if we value our self and stick with the recovery program we find that slow baby steps are the answer to our health and our well being.
When being consumed in our unhealthy addictions anbd obsessions we are always on the edge of our nerves and our fears.
The recovery program helps us become healthy people once more and heal our pains.
There is no longer the fear in us that stops us being our self.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
Hi
How much do I value my self today.
How much time and effort do I invest in to myself today.
Writing down my needs and my wants is very important for my well being. Being obsessive only indicates how emotionally vulnerable we are. Writing down my needs and my wants is my commitment to my self. In the old days trying to get some thing for free and get some one else to do things for me was not very healthy. So asking some one to show me how to do things improves my skills. By saying I have to implies obsessive reactions. By saying I have to implies reluctance and not doing things willingly. The ideal situation is to be self sufficient. Addictions and obsessions indicate that people are emotionally vulnerable. Addictions and obsessions indicate that pains of the past have not been healed. Because people are emotionally vulnerable they need to learn and understand their emotional triggers which cause people to escape in their fears. My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I can not have control over, loneliness and boredome. Recovery and therapy helps heal the hurt inner child. Pains of our past cause fears we do not understand. Our anger is an unhealthy reaction pains of the past have not been healed, fears of the past have not been faced, unreasonable expectations of people life and situations. Do I enjoy living in pain. Do I enjoy living in fear. Do I enjoy reacting in unhealthy ways. Living in fear do I miss out healthy emotional intimacy. For me living in fear disables me from living ahealthy life. Expression of gratitude and appreciation is an expression of my healthy values.
Hi
When I am Procrastinating I needed to understand why, lack of motivation, fear based, lack of confidence or self worth, when I am Procrastinating I am cheating my self, how do we get motivated in healthy ways.
By procrastinating I am wasting my time and energy and I am moving away from being self sufficient, failng to fulfill my needs my wants and my goals.
The most precious things in my life today is time and healthy realtionships.
Do I not value my self and others.
When I am Procrastinating am I letting fear restrict me from living a healthy productive life.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
On walking in to the recovery I felt such a failure.
Because of healthy conscience I had said and done things I lived in regret of.
Guilt shame regret is living in the pains of my past.
The pains of my past caused fears in me that I did not understand.
My fears of being honest was due to the fact I thought that being honest would be painful.
In truth once I talked things out it was a relief, it was setting me free by living for today and letting go of my past.
For me step fear was very much fear based but once you do step four there is a relief that you can change your rreactions to people le and situations.
Once I understood my emotional triggers and dealt with things in a much healthier way I did not hurt my self any more.
I am a non religious person.
I found that the recovery program did not help me understand why I gambled.
The text often raised more questions than answers.
The most important thing si to keep going to meetings no matter when your last bet was.
Once I gained clean time was when I started to question my feelinsg adn emotions.
I started to question why did I lie so often even when not gambling.
Each time going back to gambling helped me understand what my past emotional trigger was.
Each time my fears grew in me.
One of the biggest impacts on me was when people opened up to therapies.
Not only did I see and feel my self in other people I was also able to learn to articulate my feelinsg and emotions.
What was strange is that today I got angry and frustrated.
I understood what I did but more importantly understood what caused such an unhealthy reaction.
I was trying to get far to much done and was not being patient and tolerant with my self.
I us to call my self names and beat my self evena fter I was abstaining from gambling.
It was a very unhealthy life being a compulsive gambler.
I was working hard for my money yet threw it away not seeing I was working for nothing.
Once you get into the recovery program you get to value your self and money.
On going on my frist few holidays I could not beleive it.
We enjoyed our holidays so much we wanted more of that life.
In time I would understand that treating our self to healthy needs and wants I became motivated in healthier ways.
So just for today do I want or need to gamble.
I see no logic in causing me and my family horrible pains and fears.
I did not see I was becoming more and more disconnected from myself and my family.
Today I do not want to be a loner and not value any one or my self.
The more healthy things I do and say I become much more succesful in my life.
Money was never going to make me feel succesful, it was my healthy actions and words that made me feel succesful in myself and in my life.
There is clarity and healthy focus in my life today.
There is unhealthy consequences for unhealthy actions and unhealthy words.
As my pains heal, and my fears reduce I have so much more in my life today.
Today with out prompting my wife said that she was very content and proud of our home.
Love and peace to every one today.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
Hi
In becoming healthier and healing my pains I moved from living in fear and anxiety and panic in to having more focus and clarity in my life.
Being productive is most certainly not being obsessive and not having balance in my life.
The commitment is to my self, focus on my needs my wants and generating more goals in my life.
As I achieve more with my life feeling succesful comes from being productive and having healthy interactions.
By living for today my time is far more productive and focused and my fears fade.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA dave of Beckenham
Hi
How do you get real with your self and the confusion we ahve in our self.
The reason I thought that gambling and being in action was fun was due to the adrenaline rush.
Now today I understand that my gambling indicated my fears and my wanting to escape in my fears.
After a session of escape the fears in me were greater in me.
By attending meetings was not about the money or the gambling.
By attending meetings was about healing my paisn and learning to not want or need to gamble any more.
Only once I was out of the cycle of self abuse could the healing start.
Dave L
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