Closure - 13th Feb 2014

and its impressive how effectively you are using your diary to help you through these stressful times, keep at it Michael

regards

dan

Day 77 & 78

Been a bit grouchy during the last few days. Basically, lack of sleep is my biggest enemy. So I need to (a) Stop procrastinating and get the jobs I out of the way, and (b) Get to bed at a reasonable hour.

Day 79

. I'm working hard to put right the mistake I made so why should I be taking it out on other people and make them suffer for my mistakes.

Day 80, 81, 82

Short-tempered and snappy are the words to describe me as late. Xmas pressures have been getting to me, but of course, at the core of all of this is my recovery. So I've spent the last 24hrs thinking about the next 12 months. I'm fast forwarding myself to Xmas 2012 - only 12 months away. The feeling I'm going to have when my CC debts are significantly reduced (even paid off), and I'm able to relax and enjoy Christmas for the 1st time in 4 years. This will be the last 'stressful' Christmas I will ever have.

Day 83, 84

Contributing less and less to the diary these days. I'm busy at work and busy at home. No time at the moment to mull around thinking about things. Just filling my days with allsorts at the moment, knuckling down, remaining focussed on where I want to be.

Just wanted to wish you a peaceful gamble free Christmas.

I have from day one found your diary to be a great source of inspiration for those of us who have chosen to fight the fight alone. (Although I don't feel so alone after reading your words.) Thanks for sharing your stresses and successes,and may 2012 bring you an abundance of the latter! Sharon

Hi Micheal,

I have followed your diary from day 1 and also posted on it a few times as you know.I can understand your frustration as this time of year is always a financial burden.

My advice for what its worth is to enjoy the things you have.Your family, your health etc and feel at peace knowing you have not gambled and this will be the last christmas you shall be in this position.Things are on the up for you.Its stressful i know but they are on the up.

Take comfort in that and have a month of peace in your heart.After all, surely thats what christams is all about.

You and i both know that after your bills in January that you mention you can concentrate on your debt.As i said before there is no quick fix but there is a fix.You are getting closer to that debt free day.Yes its sometimes 2 steps forward and 1 step back but overall you are going forward.Look how far you have come as to the amount of debt you have paid off and be happy in the thought that this time next year you shall be debt free.

I became debt free earlier this year and like you i had to do it alone.Sometimes you think you are crawling towards that day.But as time goes on and the interest you pay comes down and your debt reduces you pick up speed and soon you shall be racing to that great debt free day and its an awesome feeling, trust me.Keep going but try to be at peace with yourself as if not that can be more destructive than any debt my friend.

I for one am very proud of the way you are tackling and beating this but dont let it be at the expense of your happiness, health or family life.You are beating the debt so be pleased with yourself and give yourself a pat on the back my friend.

All the best

Steven

Day 85, 86

Guys, thanks so much for your posts - these words of comfort mean so much. I was Xmas shopping last night, wandering around the local shopping centre, working out whether I had enough cash to cover what I wanted to buy. We're talking about down to the last hundred quid. When I compare to Xmas 4 years ago, I took the family to NYC, and we enjoyed ourselves, visited the all the sights, went shopping, spent money without a care in the world. How times have changed. I've paid off alot of debt, but during the last few months, together with what I anticipate Jan's expenses will be, I'll have almost returned back to where I was in May which is massively frustrating. I may also have to make a car purchase next year which adds to the pressure. However, once Jan has come and gone, I'll have 9/10 months of clear sailing (holidays paid for).

Day 87

Absolutely knackered. Getting dragged all over at the moment. I could sleep for a week. 100% stressful time of the year, not wanting to sound like Scrooge, but I honestly can't wait for Jan and for a long sleep.

Day 88 & 89

2 12hr workdays. Really going pear shaped at the moment. Hitting problems at the wrong times - getting more and more stressed and knackered. Still some Xmas shopping to be completed - no idea when I'll get the chance to do that. Xmas is supposed to be a time for relaxation ? HA !

Day 90, 91, 92

I think I'm subconciously punishing myself for my gambling blip. I've walked around with head down during the last few days and weeks. I've refused offers of Xmas parties or visits to the pubs. I haven't even bothered myself with sending too many Xmas cards this year. I've worked late every night this week, including today where most of my work colleagues left at lunchtime, I stayed til 5. I'm feeling pretty loathsome towards most people at present, and I'm not my usual tolerant self at the moment and I really haven't got time for anyone - just want to get my head down and work through the next 12 months on putting right the mess I've created and that's all I can think of right now.

Day 93,94

Ok, that's Xmas. Kids loved it, OH loved it - job done.

Back to reality - focus.

Hi Buddy,

Just to say through all the stress you have been through on the build up to xmas ( Totaly understandable ) you now have, once those January expenses you were writing about are out of the way, a clear run hopefully to smash your debt out of the ball park as they say.

I think you should reflect, take some positives, give yourself a pat on the back and gee yourself up.

Yes its been a hard year but you have smashed alot of the debt by not gambling, that you have achieved and done it well.

Yes its been two steps forward and one step back lately but you have not gambled and made the debt worse in that respect.That you have also achieved.

Also yes xmas is and always shall be a financial nightmare but hey !! Yes you got it !!, that you have also achieved.

Well done mate.Next week shall be the end of the year 2011 which was a nightmare for you.You now have next christamas to look forward to being debt, stress and gamble free.What better target to aim for ? .

Im rooting for you all the way buddy.A new year, a new debt, stress and gamble free Micheal.Sounds good doesn,t it ?, Believe me it is as thats how i have been this year for the first time in years.As i read your diary i see strentgh and determination.The sort of qualities that will get you there.There will be down days but many many good days and each day that you work towards that debt free day you shall feel better and better,At first we crawl towards that debt free day, we get knocked back sometimes, torture ouselves with the " how did i get here ? " mentality but we carry on.Then we are walikng to that debt free, still there will be knocks along the way, but thats life, alwas has been and always shall be.But, we carrry on still as the goal is not as far away.Then comes that time when you can touch the winning line, thats when we are running towards that day.Its a feeling of pure relief and elation,also regrett and sadness at the same time but we get there.

Stay strong as you are and have been.I know these are only words and they are not " material help " but i really do know that you shall be one person that crosses the finishing line and i cant wait to read about that day.I hope you shall share it with me as even though i only post now and then, and even though your diary may only be just for your reflection, I shall be and have been reading it everyday and rooting for you.

I have the greatest respect and admiration for the way you are handling your journey to that debt free day and i know through reading your diary you sometimes beat yourself up through getting into debt.Keep telling yourself you are not that person who gambled anymore because you really are not that person.Also your not sticking your head in the sand but you are doing the opposite.You are grafting and fighting the debt and the gambling and you are winning against both.

Come on buddy, 2012 is your time. It is the time when you turn into the home straight and finish this off my friend.This will be YOUR YEAR.I know it.

Wishing you all the best

Steven

Day 95

Hi Steven - If ever I've needed a pick-me-up, your post has hit the spot, and for that I'm eternally grateful - your words have pulled me out of the Xmas stress, grind and worry, and thrown me into the New Year with renewed vigour and determination. It's funny how people I know I'm never going to meet and people who owe me nothing, can give so much wisdom and support, and how it's the people I live with, work with, socialise with are the ones who I cannot tell through fear of letting them down.

I write this as I sit upstairs, my OH watching some TV show - I can hear her laughing uncontrollably at something, and I wonder whether deep down she knows all is not right with me, and whether she's scared to confront me with it. But confrontation or no confrontation, the problem remains, and me and only me can sort my own mess.

Anyway, for me, today is the start of a New Year. Gambling ? I no longer have urges, or gambling thoughts at all, but I'm left with the aftermath - a dirty great big debt and without this, life can return to normality - so this is what I have to focus all of my efforts this year on. I cannot live my life like this, because I know whatever I do, whether it's going for a meal with my OH, going down the pub, going holiday, taking my lad to the match, even if I forget about it for an hour or so, depressing thoughts always ALWAYS return to the debt mountain. I cannot pretend that everything is OK - it's not - we're up our eyeballs in it, and with some heavy duty expenses (about £1000 more than usual) about to reduce my bank balance, I need to fight this month. I'll not lie about it, but my income is pretty good, but I've lost more than most of our friends owe on their mortgages, and I owe a huge amount, and I know that our position is still precarious and I have alot to lose. So what do I do about it ? I break, smash, obliterate it ! I'm realistic to know that I won't pay off everything I owe this year, but I will use all of my resources to take out all Credit Card debt this year, leaving parent debt, overdrafts and mortgage only.

I intend 2012 to be my greatest year - the year I finally put this one to bed.

I will continue to record my recovery through this diary, throughout 2012 and beyond.

A bit premature, but good luck folks for 2012 !

Hi Micheal,

I totaly understand your words about people who we may never meet giving support.Sometimes, well for me anyway i found this the best way as the people who advised me really did know what they were talking about on here as they too had also lived it.I also understand that your mind drifts to the debt mounatin as you put it.I am now debt free but my mind drifts back even now.I use that and feel it helps me to stay focused.I, like you have no gambling urges now but we must not get complacent buddy as thats when we can be at our weakest.

As for the debt I found that small targets help.For instance set a target of paying off one card then when you do celebrate it with something which is inportant to you.It does not have to cost alot if anything.It could be your favourite meal, a favourite place that you have been too and would like to see again ?.Anything really.

When i did this i always felt that every now and then i had hit one of my targets and it gave me feel good factors along the way.I made a list of my targets and physically crossed them off as i went.By doing this you can make the glass seem " Half full " if you get my meaning ?.

It gives you a feeling of accomplishment and achievment.At first it can look like a bit daunting but as you go and the list gets crossed off it really helps.

I can also understand how you feel your partner may suspect your difficulty but you have covered it this far and soon you shall have no need to cover anything.She may well know as you say but she may not.I too could not tell my partner as she would have been out the door quicker than a Jack rabbit so i really do understand where you are coming from.Its hard i know but its doable.Try not to close yourself off though as it can happen so easily and then gambling has taken another part of your life.

The game remains the same and your are winning it my friend.You have your strategy but its how you play it along the way that, when the debt is gone and you are in the clear you still want whats precious to you still around you.

Keep going buddy and great last post.

This is YOUR YEAR as i said.

All the best

Steven

P.s Why not ask, as i have asked, yourself to be added to " gettingthere,s " 2012 list. Its on a diary he has started called " we are all gamble free in 2012! " . He is doing a list of those who will not spend a penny on gambling in 2012.If anyone gambles thier name comes of the list. He has put my name down as " want to quit " and he is taking names of people who want to be added to it if you ask him ?. I feel personally its another tool to help me stay focused.But i know know our names shall be on it all through 2012, Right buddy ?.Have a good one.