Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Dust yourself down and get back on the band wagon. Do not overwork yourself. Enjoy your family and work to live, not the other way around. Your debts will disappear in time. Just do not gamble as it will only make things worse.

Hi Micheal,

I am sorry to hear you had a blip but as you say it was only a blip.

The signs though were all there my friend. You said you started to feel more used to the debt, strangely comfortable or words to that effect i think you used ?. You also started to look at the extra money you are earning and saying the debt will take care of itself . You also stopped posting on your diary so often and these are all the signs, as i have seen on many diaries that that's when people then slip.

I am glad though you have a new determination and a reminder of the destruction and dark days of gambling and the fallout it causes. I hope you shall keep posting even if you have nothing to say just write that down.

Its not all about what we have to say on here but its also about coming on here and just by doing that it serves as a reminder of our gambling problems and by coming here keeps us focused on the tasks we set ourselves.

Try to wipe your blip out of your mind. You cannot let the thought of one bad short spell ruin one extremely long good spell. I know you lost 600.00 but it could have been a lot worse. It may sound stupid but it could have been even worse if you had won as the bug would be back.

The main thing is you got yourself out of there, straight onto here and you are carrying on as strong as ever so well done my friend.

All the best

Steven

Hi Michael, noticed you had a blip and hadn't posted in a while, I hope that doesn't mean your in the middle of a gambling binge? I know when I do that I don't post as often!

I too have had a bad month on the gambling front, have blipped a few times luckily I managed to see sense and left a few hundred up but it could have so easily been a huge loss and all those months off paying off the debt would have been for nothing! So I start again and am on day 2 🙁

Anyway, drop in and let us know ur ok xx

Please give us an update, Michael. We are vulnerable after a relapse and need to rebuild our recovery day-by-day. I appreciate that your control of any urges might be quite fragile now. You need to stay strong and start posting on here regularly again. Are you still doing all that mystery shopping, surveys, competitions etc?

Hi Guys,

Yes, a blip I'm afraid. Not the end of the world I suppose - it will be if I continue. Problem is I won, then I lost - the usual pattern. Putting bets on like crazy - having complained about the cost of a pint on Friday, I then start putting, £10, £25, £50 bets on Sat, Sun and Mon.

Wife and kids are out, spent a few hours convincing myself that a few thousand, is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, however what are are the gambling urges that have resurfaced recently. Mind you, nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past, and a stern lesson learned. £2500 is less than a month's wages, so I'll have to retire a month later now !! I'm down to about £200 for this month, with about £2000 bills to pay. So I will have to dip into the credit cards to keep afloat. Easy does it this month, and lets put things back as they were before.

From becoming more and more comfortable with the situation over the last 2 or 3 months, I've suddenly made life uncomfortable for myself again. Why do I do this to myself ?

I haven't been looking after myself as late, working hard, with little sleep, ignoring my nearest and dearest, not exercising and eating the wrong things and most importantly, I became complacent.

I have some great ways of making cash, but its honest hard work, which I've been neglecting too. To think of how many hours of extra work I've put in, for me to lose during the last 1 week or so gambling is soul destroying. A £50 bet, is 2 or 3 mystery shopping trips for instance. So nearly 12 months since my first post, and I've slipped twice, with a combined loss of about £1000.

Got to remind myself that this is not a disaster, just a reminder of how utterly cruel and soul-destroying the life of a gambler is.

So I vow to myself to get back on the wagon, to stop procrastinating and I need to get productive again, both at home and at work and start contributing more to my diary. That's how I've dealt with during the last year, and that's how I'll deal with it again.

I've let the Gambling companies take my money and the Credit Card companies have taken their over-inflated interest on the debt. Not only that, I've let them take over my life for the last 3.5 yrs. I've worked hard, but spent less and less time with my kids and OH. I've become irritable and grumpy. I've said things I shouldn't have, through sheer frustration and fatigue and concern over our financial situation. I've stopped socialising - I hardly go out now and for the majority of time, I've felt unhappy.

The money has gone - even if I did attempt one last 'big' win, the most I could ever hope for is a few thousand - with £80K lost in 4 years, this makes not a shred of difference.

I KNOW that I will look back on this episode and rue the missed chance of having quality time with the kids. I might have it all paid in 10years, by which time the kids will be off to Uni and suchlike. They're still kids, but time is running out - my son will be a teenager in little more than 2.5 years, and my daughter, in 5 years. I'm gonna rue this chance for the rest of my life if I don't take it now.

The debt is really really bad, and I really don't want to give the CC companies another £ worth of interest more. I have enough credit to be able to BT between cards for years and years. I'd just like to lock it away for 10 years, and then sort it out then.

I want to continue what I'm doing, because it's easy work, and it earns extra pocket money, but I can only do it in my own freetime. Really really really must starting to be Father again - and not someone who is rueing is bad luck, neglecting his kids as he tries to earn the lost money back. My kids aren't interested in money, a few quid for a comic, or bag of sweets. I pay the bills, buy them clothes, we eat well, and they attend their clubs etc. We have a car, and we have 1 or 2 holidays every year. My children need nothing more than this other than time spent with their parents.

So I will re-focus, and with renewed determination and endeavour.

Why not take out an IVA and sort the debt out once and for all? Unlike bankruptcy, you can keep your assets - your car and house etc. Just a thought as debt is clearly weighing you down.

Hi Michael

I suspected something might be amiss as you hadn't posted since your last ' blip '. I'm sorry to hear that you've been a bit wobbly of late but I really do think you put yourself under too much pressure to ' perform '.

As you've pointed out in your last post kids grow up so fast and before you know it they're either off to University or moved away for work reasons. You don't want to be so obsessessed with your financial state now that you suddenly realise they've grown up and gone.

Sadly we never seem to have enough money until we're too old to really enjoy it but why not try to take a more realistic stance and say to yourself that, in the great scheme of things, your debt will eventually get paid anyway so why should I work myself into the ground to do it right now ?

Most of us come into some money later in life through inheritances, endowment plans, etc. With parental care fees and so on none of this is guaranteed of course but it's likely to happen at some point. Even if it doesn't once the kids have left home, even with the open cheque book from the ' Bank of Mum & Dad ', you'll find you're a whole lot richer than you thought. Believe me I know.

It's hard but you really must try to look at all this as a ' big picture ' problem rather than let it govern your life 100%. I'm not saying you cannot succeed in your approach but it's very, very hard to do so month after month, year after year.

Success would of course be very satisfying personally but at what expense to your sanity and enjoyment of family life ?

Regards

Blackjack

Michael,

Just wanted to say that I thought your last post was brilliant. A true insight in the mind of a compulsive gambler. I really feel for you and the pressure you are under. I lived that life for many years myself, hoping that the birth of a child would provide the stimilus to stop, or that a bonus from work would give some breathing space. I would plan to the minute detail the finances over a 5-10 year timespan and used to be really irratable when my missus would talk about extending the house or putting down a patio etc.. I even called int a few places delivering chinese takeaways to try to 'fix' the problem quickly.

The problem is compounded by the secrecy. I gambled myself into a corner and it had to come out. I think I would have tried to fight it if I wasn't cornered but I don't think I would have succeeded.

Bite the bullet and get it all in the open or else fight it and endure the massive stress, hoping for a lucky break of a windfall, share options or other.

I used to think compulsive gambling was a financial problem. I now know it is not.

Brian

Day 4

19th Sept 2008 is a day which changed my life. I even remember putting on my 1st bet. Nearly 4years on, I continue paying the price. But, hang on, I've managed to handle the debt, I haven't paid of as much as I've wanted, but I've never struggled to pay a bill in all of that time. One day I will pay it off, as min payments slowly decrease, and pay goes up, it becomes easier every month. Money is money, and we have a lifestyle which is quite easily covered by our earnings. Even when it doesn't, i have enough credit swilling around to last for years - not that i'm dipping into it, but it is there all the same. So why do I feel so down?

I'm starting to understand now that it's because I've let it rule my life. I feel so guilty about wasting that money, I feel that I want to make amends by winning it back. That's at one level, but I think at a deeper level, it's guilt that I've let it run my life for the past 3 or 4 years neglecting all those around me. Tiredness, bad-temperedness, etc, all due to lack of sleep and fatigue. But at the end of the day, I will pay it back, whether it's 5,10 or even 20 years - so this isn't the main issue. It's about how I've let it completely control my life, and I know this is the case when I give up family time to sit in front of the computer to earn cash. I'm not going to stop it completely, because it's easy and I earn money from it, but I have to remind myself from time to time.

An awful week draws to a close. It's bad, but it's been worse, much much worse. Like the first time around, at the end of gambling binge number 1, when I was trying to juggle min payments of £500 more than now, on about £1000 less money every month. It's time for some perspective. The debts, which get me down the most are awful, but with a little set aside every day will eventually get fixed. I'm a little wiser now, and up until a few weeks ago, I thought i'd cracked it - obviously not. But I have a bright future ahead if I just give myself the chance.

Hi Michael, stop beating yourself up all the time! As other posters have said and you yourself there is a work/life balance and if you keep obsessing (as opposed to planning) about money, it will hurt your family life and possibly is already. You clearly have a good job and prospects, so work effectively and the debt will take care of itself. Leave time for your family and most importantlly yourself. Recharge your batteries regularly.

Lecture over 😉

Cheers, Jim

Hi Micheal,

I read your post and you said in your post dated 10th May that you are not going to stop gambling completely as its easy money and you earn from it ?. Yet it this road to easy money that has taken your money, and more and left you totally frustrated and worried 24/7 about the debt and the effect that the burden has on your family life. Do you think though that in your best interests it would be best to stop totally ?.

Many of us on here know that it all starts with a couple of quid, then lager bests, then the chase after losing followed by a diary on here ?.

You are doing so well and yes you had a blip but you cant let a bad week spoil all those good ones and make you think you cant do this. You can and you have proved it and earned the respect of myself and many many others on here for the way you have conducted yourself and your determination.

I do agree with others who have posted on your diary in the fact that the debt is there and shall get paid of if you stop gambling. Letting it destroy your family life will be another victory over you by the gambling bug so please, please dont let it take that from you aswell. Spend time with your family. Money can be replaced, loved ones cant my friend and i hope you dont mind me saying so.

Come on buddy you can do this, if not for you then do it for your family.

All the best

Steven

Hi Steven,

I've read that post from the 10th. I didn't mean that to sound like it did. Thanks for pointing that out. I meant that I'll continue doing mystery shops, e b a y, online comps, surveys etc, because it's easy money. No way do I want to gamble, in fact, after my weekend 'pep-talk', gambling is well out of my thoughts.

Hi Michael,

Thats great and i am glad it was not meant to sound that way and you meant your mystery shops etc. You can do this. You have proved you can. I am so glad that you are back to earth as it were as many people here have had blips along the way. But you have come out of it losing money but not as bad as it could have been by any means. I am so glad you are back on the wagon.

Well done Michael

All the best

Steven