Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Day 51

A weird time at the moment, and a stark realisation of what I've been doing to myself during the last (nearly) 4 years of my life. I've spent the time fretting, worrying, being grumpy, angry, tired, stressed etc. etc. My kids are of Primary School age, but my eldest is coming up to his final year. I've missed so much quality time with them due to my gambling, and it all boils down to 1 moment of madness - 1 mistake, 18th Sep 2008. I cannot let this ruin my life, and I'd rather sit on the debt, put it aside for the next few years at least, because they'll be plenty of time in the coming years to address that. I'd rather pay £300 interest a month now, thats £10 a day, half an hours work, to have a life with my kids when they are still young, rather than shut everything and everyone out when I deal with this debt mountain. I wish I could bottle the feelings I have at the moment - so I can use them in times of weakness.

Yo,

I sort of think the smile and cuddles they give you , will get to through the tough times.

Be kind to yourself mate, you have come so far and knocked the debt down sooooo much .

Take carec

Shiny xxxxxx

Like Shiny said, you have come so far to ruin it all.

Just remember how you felt on day 1 of this diary and how you feel now.

All the best and have a great weekend.

NT

Day 61

Nothing big to report. Just getting on with life to be honest and no gambling thoughts.

Just reviewed my finances. I wish I hadn't because in the last 14 months, despite 2 bonus, overtime, 60 hour weeks of work ( in addition to the overtime), and all the budgeting etc, I've paid £4k off all debt, which for me is hugely disappointing. I'm carrying huge mortgage, well over £1000/month in payments, I'm probably in negative equity, so even if did downsize, i don't think we'd have enough deposit to get another mortgage. I can't bring myself to even think about an IVA and what effect this would have on things - bear in mind that I've kept this from my OH during that time. All our friends are off on their Hols, with small mortgages, and no money worries. I feel that I've been sitting on a knife-edge with this for the last 14 months, but I'm nudging it ever so slowly in the right direction. I'm trying to snowball the debt repayment and if I can just get past the higher rate credit cards, then min payments will come down and I'll be on the right road again.

Morning ,

I really feel for you , I know how hard you have worked to knock this debt down,

And please take some comfort in the fact you have done that .

Just keep going mate , you will get there .

Shiny xxxxxxx

Day 63

Thanks Shiny for your words - they mean a lot. Anyway, completely slipped my mind, £4K lost in the latest binge, so actually, in spite of this, £4k paid off, which should have been £8K which sort of makes me feel better. Not sure whether this is good or bad, the fact that I'd forgotten about my latest binge. This at least proves I can pay off at least £8K a year - this will only increase as I wipe out the higher interest cards. I actually feel 10 times better about this, and feel that I'm moving in the right direction. I can relax a bit now knowing this.

Good glad you feel better

Like I said mate , you will get there.

Shiny xxxxxxx

Day 69

I've made some really bad decisions in the last 5 years where money is concerned. I bought our house at the very peak of the prices; I took out a fixed rate mortgage just before the rates dropped to an all-time low; and I blew about £80k gambling. As a result, i've struggled, paying far too much on my mortgage and trying to deal with huge CC debts - it's been difficult. I've had some possible good news this week and read the small print on my mortgage which indicates that provided interest rates stay the same, I'll be paying £800 (!!) less interest per month come this December - due to low base rates. This has come out of the blue to some extent, and part of me feels ecstatic about it. But my pessimistic self has come to the fore, and now, having a potential route out of this financial mess I'm in, I'm now obsessed with base rates, and I'm 100% concerned about how, after 60 months stuck on a fixed rate way above the base rate, and for 40 or so of those months paying about £800 more than I would have got if I'd gone with a tracker, if this lifeline diminished how I'd respond. This could be a once in a lifetime chance to straighten out my finances - December cannot come soon enough for me, and the opportunity to throw everything into the debt before interest rates rise.

Day 78

Wow, doesn't time fly. No reasons for gambling thoughts at the moment - provided things stay as they are, then massive opportunity to put these debt worries to bed once and for all, starting end of Nov. I'm anxiously waiting for this date after which I will have potentially massive interest savings on my mortgage. An incredibly fortunate turn of events (I didn't read the small print on my mortgage until recently). This could be my 1 and only chance of destroying the debt, before it destroys me, and finally put this 4 year episode to bed once and for all. The pressure is on because this is a chance that I cannot afford to waste or f**k up - I simply cannot.

Hi michael, i have read parts of your diary and i have seen your journey through this horrible addiction. reading your last comment about your mortgage it may be an oppurunity to help out .. working with mortgages on a day to day basis i can provide some tips if ever needed ... i dont know the circumstances and what intrest rate you are paying at the moment but the only thing i can think of is maybe to look at the possibilty of a payment holiday or maybe looking at going interest only for a period of time .. i know that normally you can go intrest only for a period of time with out it affecting your intrest rate and if not enough equity it may slightly effect your credit file or maybe even a term extension .. many people dont know that you can extend your term to high amount of years with out affecting your intrest rate and only pay a small fee of around £20 which will free up more money to pay off higher intrest credit. Alterintavley look at what the early repayment charges are on your fixed rate , because from what ive read you are in the last 6 months of your mortgage some ( not all) will allow you to come out of the deal early for loyalty purposes ... Sorry if this no help at all but i thought any sort of advice or tips would help

Best of luck

Steve

Day 80

Hi Steve - Great advice, and it's certainly something to consider. I've got another 3 months of my 5yr fixed rate deal at 5.7% of a 35 year(!!!) mortgage (30yrs left to go - a long way to go yet I'm afraid !!). I'm currently paying over £1000 interest/month on that, however I'll automatically go onto a Lifetime tracker at 0.95% above the bank's base rate (which matches BOE base rate). My interest should go down to about £250/month (saving about £800/month). Monthly repayments should go down by about £600 which'll go straight on the Credit Cards.

I can't change what's happened, but a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and perhaps my only ever chance to get back onto a firm financial footing. I simply cannot mess this up.

Ouch sounds like you got stung right at the wrong time .. yeah well from forcast's its going to stay low for a long time anyway and may even drop from 0.5% down to 0.25% by the end of the year which is brillaint news for yourself.

Yeah defiantly make the most of it while you can and hopefully be clear earlier than you thought .. Keep up the hard work mate

Hi Michael...just thought I'd drop in and pre-warn you (you might already know) that for some reason credit card companies are now sending out annual statements in the post (even if you have online bills). I have had 2 come through in the last few weeks, my husband opened one (luckily one of the smaller balances) but I know that you are also keeping the debt from your wife and I wanted to give you a heads up. Luckily the statement doesn't show individual transactions its just tells you what the balance was 12 months ago and what it is now. I have checked the other cards and am expecting another one through in Sept, hopefully if I can get this one before he does then no more questions will be asked but I feel like I'm constantly worrying now about getting the post before he does 🙁

Anyway, hope you are well. I am going to try and email the companies and see if they can turn off the annual statements will let you know what they say!

Day 107

Just returned from a few weeks in the sun - no gambling thoughts whatsoever. Seems like a fading memory now.

Shorty, thanks for the advice regarding the credit cards. I haven't received any yet which is kind of strange considering the amount of cards I have. As I've said in previous posts, I have a great chance coming up to pay these all off, and for right or wrong reasons, without my OH finding out. Not really sure what purpose these annual statements serve, other than yet another reminder of how much money I've lost to gambling - great.