Hi everyone, this is my diary, i have never attempted this and im not sure how it will feel or how it will go. But i will commit to it as i badly want to get as far away from gambling as i physically can.
I will leave my new member forum post so you can see where im at.
Well today being the 18/9/14 this is day 1 of the long hard road to recovery. I have a date with a girl, which im looking forward to as its been a while! other than that I feel glad that i have set up standing orders to pay off family members i owe money to. I'm sure it will feel amazing when i do.
Anyway have a great day all =)
Sam
Original Post:
Hi Everyone
I'm completely new to Gamcare and this is my form of showing some real discipline and commitment towards quitting an addiction that has taken so much from me. After reading through a few threads i got the general over view of how great the light of the tunnel really is when you get through this.
Gambling has taken so much from me, regardless of the thousands of pounds I’ve lost it has damaged my confidence, numbed my feelings, tainted my view of the future and just straight up poisoned me. Dulling the real things in life that mean more to me than money ever will.
So here is my story, I’m a 25 year old guy with a good life, family, friends and job. I came so dangerously close to losing all these great things to gambling. It’s scary to think how I went back to something that nearly killed me!
I’ve been playing fruit machines since the age of 12 in snooker clubs, showing all characteristics of a problem gambler from the start (spending every last penny/chasing losses).
Then real problems started to arise as i hit 18 and this opened up the world of online gambling where the money was just numbers and no win was big enough. I’ve somehow held it together through this "war" as my career path has remained unscathed as I have completed University and built up a strong CV. I'm extremely proud of myself for this as there were countless occasions I nearly quit and address my addiction. I cannot express the mental anguish and despair it has caused me. I have hit the lowest end of the scale for mental health conditions, such as heavy medication, 2 failed suicide attempts, hospitalization in a secure unit, psychiatrists etc. To an outsider this may seem crazy as i had such a great childhood and upbringing. Just goes to show how evil and deadly gambling can be.
This brings me here today as I’m now at a crossroads. The more I look back the more it hurts and as the present goes i can salvage this if I draw a line now and take the right path. Currently I’m at the stage where I know enough is enough and I just want to be me again. I have to start looking after myself and give this problem the attention it deserves as opposed to hoping it passes by.
Any advice relative to my situation will be extremely appreciated and I will keep and active diary to show my dedication. These are the first few steps but they are the biggest so I will give them the respect they deserve.
Have a good day.
Sam
Day 1
went fine, It feels like a nice safety net having this site and someone to call to see through my urges. Even though its very early days im so happy that its at least a start.
Went on a date yestersay which couldnt have gone better, took her out for dinner and had to borrow the money to do so. but she didnt know that. So im just looking to get my finances straight from here on in!
well done with your date and hope all continues to go well , as for the gambling , maybe get someone to look after your bank cards finances ect..., self exclude from every gambling site you have used , and stay positive , I have had a small blip a few days ago so im not perfect , but I was doing so well , and I know I was stupid , I read your post and I felt quite emotional as you seem to have had a bad time of it at times , I also have had a good upbringing , so why do we make ourselves self-destruct , lets change that and stop this self destruction now, thanks simon
hi Simon, thanks for your reply!
I'm glad I struck a cord with you, and it's comforting to think I'm really not alone!
Yeah I met this girl half way through my first day of recovery which was a pleasant surprise! My finances should sort themselves as I've set up standing orders to pay off family members I owe. This should be all clear by Xmas! Then tackling the big loan comes next. Once that's clear then I'm truly out of the woods. I've only gone back to gambling in attempt to win it back and clear the loan. A bit of a stupid fantasy really!
I wish you all the best in your recovery, and people have proved on her how it can be done. This site provides many safety nets for your toughest times!
Take care
Sam
Day 2
I felt really upbeat when walking to work, when I usually have a giant cloud over my head! I think I just feel safe and very satisfied with where I'm heading
It's already arranged to see my date again so I have good things to look forward too. This site will help me big time and I have a burning desire to finally end my days of gambling.
Sam
Hi well done on stopping. I'm the same as you this is my 7th day without a bet and whenever I'm tempted I just come on here read a few stories and the urge goes away. Like yourself I'm still quite young with a decent job so live should be good not a struggle everyday. You have been through a lot but just keep coming on and posting on your diary and you can beat this illness. Good luck to you.
Hey Tom
thanks for the post, i hope you find the strength for you to put alot of time and distance between you and gambling. unfortunately relapses can still happen if you spend a year away from gambling. Its a very tough uphill battle. im in the same boat as you so im going to stick to the plan and be very aware of warning signs. good luck with recovery!
Sam
Day 3
I pretty much had a full day of work. though im noticing slight changes in my mood already, im feeling quite upbeat. I appreciate challenges will come along though i will use all the strength i have to fight them off! For the first time ever im going to put quitting gambling as my first priority in life. As im dying to get out onto the other side where i will have no debts and a clean slate to move on with
Sam
Day 4
This is going pretty fast! Though this time I'm never gonna see myself as out of the water till my loans are clear. it's crazy to think ill have my friend and nan paid off by Xmas! I'm enjoying the recovery experience and I'm understanding all this won't happen over night and I need to be patient!
have a good day all
Sam
Hi Sam
Well done on 4 days.
Keep enjoying your recovery and don't look back.
Best wishes
Suzanne xx
Thank you kindly suzanne, my life will get a whole lot better when im over this! x
Day 5
All still going well and no real urges. I think my addiction will be entirely cleared in 3 years when my bank loan is cleared. then theres no way or reason i could ever go back, considering what it put it me through. I will be short for money over the next couple of months as i have people to pay off. though i will feel alot better for doing so and i still have plenty of things to keep me occupied and happy!
Sam
Day 6
Pretty much had most the day off and spent it chilling as i didn't have too much money to spend. had an easy shift at work in the evening after work. nothing too exciting, though as long as im in recovery im happy
Sam
Day 7
Was a full day of work, but starting to notice a change in everything and im feeling more upbeat. With gambling it feels like I have a big cloud over my head and im glad its slowly clearing now. im loving the fact my money will sort itself out and I will start to feel better about everything.
Sam
Day 8
I had the day off and the girl im seeing came over for the evening. I was paid overnight but it didnt get me too excited as i was set to pay off big chunks to people who i owe. which is a good idea considering the first couple of recovery can be the toughest! i treated my self to new headphones and cooked for leanne. the rest of my money will be divided by four and i will live off of that
Sam
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