Dan’s Diary - 2025

On a Positive note its only the First time you've had to take a Loan out, thats still pretty good , believe me it could be a thousand times worse. I hope you've seen the Light and take the right Path.Best wishes

Day 1

Thanks Johnny for your kind words. 

Unsurprisingly, the urges to gamble today have been non existent. Having had many attempts of quitting in the past, this is often the case. So I’m not taking anything for granted in these very early stages. 
I’m hoping that this first ever loan that I’ve had to take out will finally be the wake up call that I need. 
Never in a million years did I ever expect to have to resort to taking a loan out to cover me for the coming months, yet here I am. My gambling habits have always been unhealthy but never to the point of needing to borrow money to cover bills, food, petrol etc.
Money will be tight now for the next 18 months but this will hopefully teach me a lesson in that gambling, after 20 years, has never given me anything positive. It has only led me down this road. 
Never again. 

Yes Dan I understand we never really believe how bad Gambling can be leading to taking loans out, i really hope yiu don't have anymore Loans out.If i told you I had many Loans over the years for Gambling please don't have anymore.Gambling is a serious addiction i hope and pray you stick with Gamcare, at Least they care, its the best thing you can do is receive help from Professionals Like gamcare use there help wisely 

Best wishes GUV !

It's a lifelong battle that can be lost at any moment 

My 20's were a real fight with it but since I've entered my 30's and left the UK I've pretty much left it behind 

Theres a strange relationship between the UK and gambling that I've not really experienced in any other country , I think I read something like 70% of all adults regularly gamble in some form or another which is absolutely insane 

I personally wouldn't focus on long term goals with gambling its such a volatile and unpredictable compulsion 

one day , one week , one month at a time theres no fast track no cheat codes

Day 2

Johnny - Thanks again for your encouraging words. I hope you’re doing well yourself.

Blackjackcat - It certainly does feel that the UK has become obsessed with gambling, particularly on sports. The amount of advertisements both on the radio and television is insane. The sponsorship advertisements around sports grounds and shirts too. You can’t get away from it. I assumed it was the same around the world but it appears not. 

No thoughts of gambling today. I’m determined to make 2025 the year I turn my back on gambling for good. I’m quite excited at the prospect of building up my gamble free days and getting some presence and calmness back into my life. Every time I’ve been gamble free in the past I’ve felt proud of myself for feeling ‘normal’ and having normal activity on my bank statements with nothing unusual to hide or try to explain. 

It’s been a bad year of gambling and I’ve lost a lot of money but 2025 fills me with new hope that I can turn things around. I’d love to be here this time next year writing about how I’ve been gamble free for just over a year.  

Anyway, wishing everyone on here a Happy New Year. Let’s make it a good one. 

Day 4

I’m feeling pretty positive as we roll into 2025. It’s still very early days but I’m hoping that this is the time where I finally lose my association with gambling. 

I have a few more days off to enjoy before I’m back at work next Monday. I’ve enjoyed reading people’s diaries on here and taking inspiration from those accumulating lots of gamble free days. I strive for that to be me one day.

Still no urges to gamble which is good but if I’m being brutally honest, the shame of having to take out a loan to cover me is something that I’m not proud of and is a reminder of where gambling has taken me. I’m hoping to pay off the loan within the next 9 months. 

There are a few things I want to achieve in 2025. I need to lose some weight and get myself fit again as I always felt better in myself when I got into shape. I am also striving to move up the ladder at work as I’ve been far too content in the past to plod along when others around me who are far less experienced and have moved up. The frustrating this is I know that if I’d have pushed my case, I’d have had one a long time ago but I’ve been guilty of being too passive and comfortable in work. 

Day 6

Another positive day and closing in on one week of no gambling. The last couple of days I’ve been quite busy so gambling thoughts haven’t really occurred. I went out early evening to pick up a takeaway for the family and had a very fleeting thought about calling in at the bookies but kept telling myself ‘What’s the point’ and told myself all the worst possible scenarios as opposed to the best possible scenarios that could happen. That did the trick. I’m very happy with how life is at the moment without gambling. When I say fleeting, it really was fleeting. The conversation in my head must have lasted less than 10 seconds before I forgot about it. 

I’ve come to accept that certainly in these early stages, these fleeting thoughts will happen. I won’t beat myself up over them because I simply cannot help it. So long as I don’t act on them, that’s all that counts.

Day 36

I’ve had a very busy start to the year which is why I’ve not managed to be active on here for a while. 
Still not gambled which is the main thing. It’s still very early days into my recovery so I’m taking nothing for granted but for the first time ever I’m feeling like I’ve accepted that gambling has defeated me. Normally in my previous attempts at recovery, I’d have had several urges to gamble but I can honestly say that the mere thought of gambling makes me feel sick. 

I feel like I’m seeing much clearer these days and seeing gambling for what it really is. All the fake ‘keeping it fun’ adverts that they have to show to tick boxes for the industry but really don’t mean.

My life feels good right now. I still have a long way to go and have recently paid off the first month of my 18 month loan. I’m targeting to pay it all off by 1st July and then begin saving and more importantly start living again. I’ve so much I want to do and buy that I simply haven’t been able to do in the midst of my heavy gambling.  

I’m quite excited to imagine a life without gambling. Early days but I’m feeling really positive.

Day 42

Still feeling positive about life after gambling. I’m hearing and seeing so many gambling adverts whilst watching tv and listening to the radio and I really am seeing them in a completely different light these days. My life is so much better without the stress of gambling and worrying about trying to cover my tracks/losses. 

I’m trying to minimise my life as much as possible currently and just generally trying to appreciate the things in life that we often take for granted. So I’m enjoying having a declutter session today.

Will try and get myself out for a walk a bit later too. I aim to be healthier both in body and mind. 

Day 49

Still going strong. No gambling urges as I head towards the half century mark. I can’t remember the last time I went 50 days without gambling. At a guess, it may have been sometime during 2020. So I’m really pleased with how things are going currently. More so because it hasn’t felt a struggle at all. I’m taking nothing for granted as it’s still very early days but I can feel a shift in my mindset towards gambling in general. I have zero interest in it which is so weird given the struggles I’ve endured over the last 20 years. I’ve never found it this comfortable when trying to abstain. So long may it continue. 

Day 56

Another week has flown by. I’ve had a decent week off work and managed to do quite a few things and see a few people. Payday on Wednesday and that will mark my second payday without gambling. So far, things are steadily improving but I’ve still got a long way to go. Things don’t get fixed overnight when you’ve problem gambled for as long as I have done. So patience is the key and taking things one day at a time. 

Most importantly I’ve not gambled although the odd fleeting urge has happened this week. Though when I really think hard about what I would gamble on, I struggle to find the enthusiasm and temptation to gamble like I might have done in the past. It just isn’t there. I now shudder with disgust about where it’s taken me, about those grotty bookies and how hard I have to work for my money. It makes me feel sick at the thought of losing another pound to them. 

I’m enjoying being gamble free and I’m actually enjoying the challenge of my recovery. For the first time in a while, I feel proud of myself. 

Day 63

Another week whizzes by with no urges whatsoever to gamble. It really does feel like the fact that I had to take out a loan 63 days ago to cover my monthly bills may have been my sliding doors moment with regards to gambling. I’ve never felt like this before during a recovery. I’ve always had to fight the urges to not gamble. I’m not saying for sure that those urges won’t ever return because the probability is that they will at some point eventually. But for now I’m enjoying life without gambling and I can feel my stomach turn every time I drive past a bookies. Looking inside and seeing some pour soul stood like a lemon at a FOBT, thinking that was me about 9 weeks ago.

I am determined never to go back to those days. 

I have started my health kick today as I really need to get fitter and healthier. I have always enjoyed running but have totally fallen off the bandwagon in recent years. Tonight I started the couch to 5K app. So I have lots to focus on going into another working week.