Dan's Journey

A productive day is making an effort to sort out your situation and remain bet-free which you have done. Maybe not the results you were hoping for BUT you made the effort and you are moving forward "baby steps" as you say. So a big pat on the back from me and well done on your continued journey. Best wishes, Phil.

Hey you,

Great job in putting down that object!!! I like it....Be kind to yourself everyday Dan...and all famillies have spats, mine spend their lives at it, but we would walk over hot coals for each other all the same.

With regard to the debt...I have worn many hats in my 35 years, and one of those was working in a bank..I started my career there. Now rule of thumb is, as long as the customer is communicating and making an offer, a reasonable offer, that offer needs to be considered. They will try and come over heavy handed, and 'tell you how it will be'...However you and I and the dog know, that you cannot get blood from a stone....if there is no more to offer them, then that is that...Make a realistic offer, a word of caution, do not offer more than you and your budget can afford, because once the offer is accepted, it will need to be kept up. The people your dealing with are human beings, with mortages and loans and proably other sorts of habits that they won't discuss with you.. I could tell you some funny stories...Anyways I digress....Work out a budget, be confident in that budget, tell them your offer, negotiate, put it to bed, and move on. Make sure everything is in writing, I trust no one...

You have come so far and for that be very thankful and very proud of you. Am rooting for you matey....

with bestest wishes

Julie

9th February Day 14 GF Today

Wow! Made it to 14 days. YEY, things have been getting easier. Still not sleeping very well but dreams and thoughts are slowly starting to dissappear.

A few difficult conversations yesterday but as Phil and Loxxie say above take the positives, I am trying to sort things, I am trying to make progress and everyday I am. GF for another day. Not added to my debt problems. That's the best positive which is keeping a smile on my face.
So today I go back to the charity and start again, get agreed repayments and try the IVA in 12 months.

I know I will sort the debt out eventually, but i'm focusing on staying gamble free. The rest can and will follow.

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again.

I think you have come on so far in such a short space of time and it's great to see you use the word "smile". Phil

Cheers Phil, i've abstained the last few days reading other people's stories and or replying to peoples stories. I think i tried to over do things and because of great support from people like yourself, i wanted to try and help others. I've realised i'm not ready for that yet and still have an amount of repairing myself first and becoming more stable.

I have been smiling more, but more importantly people have pointed it out to me which is good.

10th February Day 15 GF Today

So today marks my start of week 3. I'm in to my third week!

Been a great last few days, ups and downs yes, but nobody said it would be easy. I'm taking my punishment, i'm not being bailed out and i'm going to learn from it as i slowly pay my way to a gamble free / debt free future.

I had a positive conversation with stepchange last night and have been accepted on to the debt management plan to start the process of repayment. I still have to dot the i's and cross the t's but hopefully this moves forward in the coming weeks.

I had a long chat with the wife last night as she wanted to understand why i did what i did and why i couldn't stop, yes it opened her eyes up but again the relief that she has a little more understanding. She knows i'm doing my best to sort things out finanically but things are tough money wise at the minute.

We are living off pennies, myself and my wife haven't really had a proper meal in the last week and that is a strain in itself. We are trying to ensure the kids are ok though, i CAN'T see them go without. It's two week's to my next payday, my first gamble free, i think this will be hard to get to without having to maybe borrow some more money but i am trying to get there.

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Great post Dan - sorting out money AND being honest. When you fill in the form for StepChange they will work out a sum which is manageable for you. As you probably know now they will then contact your creditors and proportionally offer them a monthly sum. The creditors CAN say no but in my experience most will agree because they want money obviously! SO if you stick to the plan, no more nasty phone calls, threatening letters etc. It gives you peace of mind and maybe it is a bitter pill to swallow for a number of years but part of self-honesty is accepting that we got ourselves into the debt.Best wishes and well done on your ongoing recovery. Phil

Thanks Phil, i've done all the phone calls with stepchange now and have the paperwork via email to sign and send back. Got refused an IVA, mainly because i took out loans to pay loans etc etc. All my debt because of this is new as in last month/2 month's. They have to be older than 12 month's for an IVA. I was honest said i had a gambling addiction and they said i need to prove i am working towards beating my addiction. So i have to be able to provide 6 month's of statements to show i am not gambling.

This is good, it gives me a target. 6 month's clean to prove i can, however it's 11 month's before i can look at an IVA being an option again. so for the 1st time i am issuing myself with a target. 365 days. This then will provide me with everything stepchange need to complete the IVA.

It's added another year on to me paying things back, but hey ho. It's not an easy fix, it's my own fault and i'm determined to pay for this myself.

You've come so far in such a short space of time.
So pleased to hear you're smiling again. This addiction robs us of so much. Well done for facing up to it. I wish you and your family well. x

13th February Day 18 GF Today

Day 18... WOW!

I've not posted or even been online this weekend, been so busy doing other things. It's amazing how much i've missed and not done because of gambling. I've filled my weekend up with productive things, family, housework, my little side line restoring furniture, (made £20 profit so far....)

It's been a good weekend, i've talked further with the wife about things and slowly getting the financial side sorted. I know this will continue to be tough but i'm not letting it put me down. The first time in a long time over the past few days i've been positive and happy. Long may it continue.

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Another great post Dan - so good to read such a positive diary entry and I'm sure it will help others to see your progress. Best wishes, Phil.

14th February Day 19 GF Today

Valentines Day.... My wife wouldn't let me buy her a present, i managed to scrape pennies together to get her a card and left it for her when on my way to work. It's hard to not acknolwedge valentines to my wife with a nice gift but as she says it's not nessasary and it's wasted money when we have more pressing matters.

I have GA tonight, i've been looking forward to it, i enjoy going and being able to be open and hear other peoples stories and get advice, tonight though i have an appointment with the GP with the wife, i don't know what i'll get out of it as i've already put so many things in to action since the appointment was made 18 days ago. (Yes it took that long) However, it's something, just that little something to continue to show my wife i'm willing to accept any and all help available to beat this addiction.

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Nice post dan. .
Glad you sorted a card for wife...
I'm sure it will mean a lot to her.
Great to hear your enjoying ga. .
And I'm sure the gp appointment wil be worth something....like you said it's showing your wife you mean buisness with your recovery. ..as for pressies. ....take a tip off an older lady....they don't have to be bought....dishes...chores....even just a coffee when she walks in....gestures of kindness go further than gifts....have a good day x

15th February Day 20 GF Today

So yesterday took me to the doctors, i spoke about everything and was given some tablets mainly to help with the sleeping problems i'm having. I took them and boy did i sleep, found it really hard to wake up for work this morning. Hopefully in a day or two these will have a good effect and the sleeping will refresh me and make me feel better.

I went to my GA Meeting and told the group my story in full for the first time, i received mainly positive feedback for how i have dealth with things up to now. I know i won't be cured (for want of a better word) but if i know and get to understand that then that should be enough to not have any slips. I really didn't think that gambling could be so deep, i had an idea that i need to abstain from lottery, scratch cards etc, but didn't even think about raffles, T*****a's that kind of thing. I heard in the group that people have suffered from a slip due to winning a raffle.

20 days in and still learning lots and understanding more, still a long way to go to for recovery, still alot of bridges to rebuild but very slowly the bricks are being laid.

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Hi Dan. Just a quick response to your diary entry above to say I hope your GP told you (or you knew already) that sleeping pills and similar medication should be for short-term use only....very addictive medication as I sadly found out the hard way. Anyway be good for you to get a few good night's sleep under your belt. Best wishes, Phil.