day 1

Ok here it goes... day one has gone drama free... though caught up in that usual sick hangover type feeling that yet another loss has caused.... this is not the first time on this site.... I left the last time due to failure... but the intention as it is for everyone who experiences the same desperation.... is to go gamble free... after years of gambling I realise that to beat it I have to go gamble free..... each person is different I suppose... there are no half measures for me.... I cant think oooooh whats 29 quid in a fruit machine or fobt.... because I cant stop.at 20 quid... it soon becomes 500 in an hour..... I have truely had enough of that sick almost suicidal feeling you get after a loss... which can last for up to a week but is then forgotten only to return the next time it happens and you lose half a months wage in a hour.... even when winning could never celebrate as deep down I knew it would all go back and despair would return..... its the last time I leave a bookmakers after feeding a machine woth 500 pounds worth of notes... in a haze of crazy fuzziness that cant belive what I have just done... its the last time I lie in bed thinking of any way out of the mess, deluding myself that moving money here or getting credit there will cover the shame... this has to be the last time I gamble... my dream is to keep this diary running for a year each day logging in with honesty and days gamble free posting even just dream alive.... my dream is to like all on here to live a life gamble free...... here comes the journey. ... :):)

Hi DB,

Those day 1 feelings of regret are still raw for all of us, I think it is that feeling of betraying yourself is something that stays with us, whether we gamble again or not.

I also understand the desire not to gamble at all, despite the innocuous nature of a cheeky bet on the football, I know where it leads, and that is down the slippery slope into video poker, where the nightmare-go-round begins again.

Take these feelings today, and put them to good use as motivation. Writing them down means they can help to back you up when you start to get the itch. Hope to follow your journey to success.

All the best

Ryan

Hi db56 - Congratulations on your first day of sanity, and it looks as if this time you have realised that there are no half-measures in giving up this terrible addiction. For CGs it's quite impossible to stop when we are winning - the saying on here goes: "I cannot win because I cannot stop" - so true.

As you have been here before, I take it you know all about self-exclusion etc. I would urge you to do that again, as it can really free you up to concentrate on recovery.

I think your positive attitude will make your 'dream' of being gamble free a really achievable goal.

Best wishes for your journey.

Joanna

Hey guys and thanks for those words... I will appreciate your feednack in future so please check in from time to time....

Today is to dream..... tommorrow is to live....

Dream alive

:):) x

Ok today's goal of driving to local town for shopping and not walking into bookies in a trance to feed notes into a hungry fobt complete... felt a strange sense of freedom.... I even deliberately walked past to test resolve.... on the self exclusion front... this has been done before but somehow I always found a way.... for instance you cant self exclude from a service station or every arcade in the land.... believe me I would find them!!!..... work fromthree so day 2 gamble free.......

Dream alive..... tommorrow I live......

🙂 🙂 xx

Ok today's goal of driving to local town for shopping and not walking into bookies in a trance to feed notes into a hungry fobt complete... felt a strange sense of freedom.... I even deliberately walked past to test resolve.... on the self exclusion front... this has been done before but somehow I always found a way.... for instance you cant self exclude from a service station or every arcade in the land.... believe me I would find them!!!..... work fromthree so day 2 gamble free.......

Dream alive..... tommorrow I live......

🙂 🙂 xx

Day 3.......

Today I dream..... tommorow I live....

Dream alive

:):)

Hi db

I like your positive attitude and welcome to the forum

Keep dreaming today because then tomorrow you will live sounds good

Suzanne x

Thank you Suzanne. ... day 3 complete... as I said I have to go cold turkey on gambling for successs to happen so not even a scratchcard today because yes whilst that may seem like a smallcost when you buy 10 10 sratchcards and lose on them all... 100 Iis a lot to lose.... this is why cold turkey is so important. ... I suppose I got scared today that this wouldn't succeed.... I suppose all on here go through the same emotions..I guess after failure before any other options are scary..... but today I feel determined to take control for the first time in my life over something that has controlled me for as long as I can remember.... only day 3 but how fab would day 30 be.....

Dream today tommorrow I live

Dream alive

🙂 🙂 🙂 x

Thank you Suzanne. ... day 3 complete... as I said I have to go cold turkey on gambling for successs to happen so not even a scratchcard today because yes whilst that may seem like a smallcost when you buy 10 10 sratchcards and lose on them all... 100 Iis a lot to lose.... this is why cold turkey is so important. ... I suppose I got scared today that this wouldn't succeed.... I suppose all on here go through the same emotions..I guess after failure before any other options are scary..... but today I feel determined to take control for the first time in my life over something that has controlled me for as long as I can remember.... only day 3 but how fab would day 30 be.....

Dream today tommorrow I live

Dream alive

🙂 🙂 🙂 x

You sound really positive and super determined. Keep day 30 in your mind, day 3 is amazing and well on the road to recovery so well done you 🙂

Dream alive db xx

Day 4..... been thinking about why gambling has always been a part of me for my 33 years... how I have got to this point and the answer is that it became who I was and howI thought it made me happy.... thinking back it has always been the case that every town I go to for shopping I would be looking for the nearest betting shop or arcade because I thought that it was all I wanted.... not going shopping and spending the money on something I need... to a gambler putting 500 pounds into a fobt or fruit machine is ok... but buying a t.v or putting a deposit down on a great holiday takes decision seems absolute madness... when gambling it was ok because that was who I was.... it seemsrediculous but untill the point of the loss I could justify to myself it was ok? I look forward to the day I can go into a town and it doesn't consume me.....

Day four on the journey and for today I will dream tommorrow I will live

Dream alive

:):):) 🙂 x

Hi DB

Well done on day 4

I can relate to your last post because at the beginning I did not see a problem with spending money on gambling instead of buying shoes I preferred to gamble my choice and what a choice As time went on I thought. Who needs a holiday I would rather gamble that was my whole stupid life I thought I can always have a holiday when THE BIG win comes I was so sure it would come

Something mega came but it was not the big win it was the big fall

You keep dreaming and live it's definitely working for you at the moment

One day at a time

Best wishes Suzanne xx

Congrats on day 4! I'm at the end of my day 2 (after a blip) so i'm following your lead here matey 🙂

The more you st and think about how inane your thoughts as a gambler were the more you will be able to leave that part of your character behind.

Its like looking into someone elses life, or like watching one of those awful chat shows where you find yourself shouting at the TV saying "why cant you see how stupid you're being!"

stay focussed and lets get to the weekend and beyond!!

dream alive hun xx